Only reason so far is the standard doesn't love me anymore/doesn't find me attractive anymore. She's moving so quickly though. That what makes me think she's more of a WAS. She has said now and again that she needs space and wants to see if she can love me again, but that seems pretty remote right now.
Fear. Yeah, I've shown lots of that in the first few weeks, but not so after joining DB forum.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
I have learned so much from you who have gone through this experience of being the LBS. I appreciate the fact most everyone takes what I say, without offense. As another poster was saying, it's so hard to see what you are always doing, when you are the one who is so close to this situation. When it comes to our kids, things can get very touchy, right?
First of all, I am not telling you that what you said or did regarding your son was wrong, okay? I want you to know that up front. I am on your side.
She is the one who is having heart problems. It's hard to understand how this mess can change a person so much that it could affect their parenting. I believe in most cases I have read about, it has had at least some degree of the WW's inability to make logical decisions, or to reason. Unfortunately, that can include their own children at times. The parent who is still in their right mind needs to do whatever it takes to protect the children, b/c she either doesn't see what she's doing....or doesn't care. Either way, she won't admit it to herself, or anyone else. She will twist it around until she feels she has an excuse for what she does.
I would suggest you just do what you see fit for your son. Be careful how you relay it to her, b/c it's easy for the WW to get defensive toward the H, especially over the kids. Truthfully, I have seen in many threads where well-meaning fathers say something to the WW about the kids....and it comes across to her as though he's trying to use it as a dagger. Only b/c I see both sides. He's so hurt at her, and it's difficult to say some of these things without it sounding accusing. And of course, she's going to take most everything he says, wrong.
Actually, it's best, IMHO, to not say things about how she should consider how the kids feel, or that she's being selfish, or should stay in the M for the sake of the kids. It simply adds to her mountain of resentment. (Some WW's can unintentionally, or otherwise, take it out on the kids. That's hard to think about, but it does happen in some cases.)
In her mind, she has sacrificed her best years for you and the kids. She feels she has always had to put someone else first. Now, it's her time to be happy. She might as well have emotional/selfish blindness and deafness. That's not to say she has stopped loving her children, but lack of outward concern may cause you to wonder about it.
She is selfish, topped with rebellion and resentment. It's not pretty.
Again, I am not saying you have done anything wrong. Just wanted to use this to hopefully help any H who may be in the same shoes. I often tell the LBH not to use his kids as his excuse to contact his W, play on her emotions, guilt her, etc. In every case, the H will say how much he cares about his kids and would never use them to get to her. So, I honestly feel that many H's & dads do not intentionally do it....but many still use that route, trying to reach her.
If I were a LBS and thought my child needed to see his specialist, I would see that he gets there. No arguments or discussion, which includes not telling her what she should be doing about it.
I hope I have not confused anyone about this issue.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
I think my W seems to think attractive is some muscle bound hunk who appears on TV. She seems obsessed with Jason Statham and that kind of person.
The mind of a WW is a very strange place.
Haha, need to google him.. No idea who he is..
But really, I think we all can see someone on tv and think "Wow, God had a good day that day" but it's kind of silly thinking that that is something to strive for or even want to have in your life.
A good person, a good parent that will stand firm when the wind blows is way more attractive to me.. Could she go through mid-life crises? Seems like something that would spark that kind of adoration..
Hug!
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
She seems obsessed with Jason Statham and that kind of person.
That's every woman on the western hemisphere mate.
Well, this makes me feel a little bit special.. I'm the odd one out!
Your google foo is not strong my young apprentice.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Only reason so far is the standard doesn't love me anymore/doesn't find me attractive anymore. She's moving so quickly though. That what makes me think she's more of a WAS. She has said now and again that she needs space and wants to see if she can love me again, but that seems pretty remote right now.
Fear. Yeah, I've shown lots of that in the first few weeks, but not so after joining DB forum.
Ah yes. That old chestnut. Really solid foundations for a D. Love is a choice. Anyway, you have something to work with there. She doesn't love you anymore so think back to the man she fell in love with. Start with a beginers mind.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Sometimes it feels like we are dealing with a 5 year old. Hand over her face. Sheesh! does it help darling? Good luck. you can't win with anything really, but kids as well - default to "do what is easiest for you."
you tell 'em - you get crap. you don't tell 'em and they find out - you get crap. I've done both. trying to learn from my mistakes.
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
She seems obsessed with Jason Statham and that kind of person.
That's every woman on the western hemisphere mate.
Well, this makes me feel a little bit special.. I'm the odd one out!
Your google foo is not strong my young apprentice.
Originally Posted By: NDY
Originally Posted By: Tulo
Originally Posted By: NDY
Originally Posted By: Huddy
She seems obsessed with Jason Statham and that kind of person.
That's every woman on the western hemisphere mate.
Well, this makes me feel a little bit special.. I'm the odd one out!
Your google foo is not strong my young apprentice.
I didn't know who he was either LOL. Though I am more interested in someone who has lived a 'life'
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
Now it's a certain, she must be crazy!