Starting to see some small changes

[BEClem]

Got myself up out of the bed. Worked out. Showered. Ate. Going to go to work in a few hours.

It's a start.

[HeavyD]

Good start for the day!! Getting out of bed is the first step!

You can do this

[Matt777]

Just some advice from me.

Make sure your goals are about improving you as a person. It's good to remind yourself not to pursue, but that's only a part of the DB process. You didn't highlight much by way of GAL and 180s and what you want to do better. I'd try to find some time to go out with friends or to a meetup or something. Staying busy + meeting new people is so important.

[BEClem]

Thanks Heavy: it's a start.

Matt you are absolutely right. I will start thinking about that and how to find some enjoyment for me.

My 180s have been consistently focused on being Super Dad for my two amazing munchkins.

And being helpful and available to W if she needs it.

But I have to start doing things for me in order to find peace and true happiness.

[Matt777]

I think being a great dad is super important. But being "on-call" and forcing the issue is not letting her have the space she needs. I know you've been emphatic about seeing the kids every day, but is that for you or are you trying to "prove" how good of a dad you can be?
I'm currently separated from my W and we are splitting the week 50-50. It gives us time alone with the kids and time to GAL while not needing to schedule time every day. I'm not saying it's the best arrangement, and I do miss my kids terribly on my "off" days. But getting that time for me to be able to move forward is so valuable too.

[BEClem]

That's for my kids because they deserve it

[Huddy]

Being 'available' for W? Is she treating you with respect like a W should? Why do you want to be a knight in shining armour to her, when she's behaving badly?

Your W won't respect you if you act like a lap dog.

[BEClem]

And it's for me because I wasn't the best father I am capable of being the last few years. This is a significant change I need to make for the little ones and for myself.

[Huddy]

So, let her see your changes, not make promises, be clingy etc. She needs to SEE the new you. She doesn't need to be told about the new you. She doesn't want you to do everything for her, she needs to want to be with you again.

Baby steps. Don't blow it!

[Matt777]

And I think that's ok BEC, but just realize that insistence on time and forcing schedules may come across as trying to "prove" how good of a dad you are. And I'm pretty sure that won't have the impact you want. You'll have to decide for yourself, but I would think spending higher quality time is more important than higher quantity time. You might think of special outings or activities you can do some days and have them longer so you don't have to push for every single day.

Again, just my opinion, but I'm finding having days apart is actually helpful for me to GAL and to recharge.