I have no desire for divorce and don't want it. However I also don't want the house and the extra costs of having it. Selling it seems to make financial sense for both of us and wouldn't this be separate from helping her with the divorce? Otherwise I'm worried I stick my head in the sand, do nothing and she builds up more resentment, still moves forward with divorce and hurts me more financially
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Maybe it's just me but it seems like you come on here asking for advice, people give it to you to the best of their ability, and then you come back with a bunch of reasons why you think you should do something different. Which is fine. It's your life. You ultimately need to do what you think is best.
But it might be why you're not getting as much feedback.
Just my $.02
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
Drew - I appreciate the feedback. Since I've asked last night - the only responses I've received are from you, fogg and cadet. Each essentially saying - don't move out of the house and let the lawyers handle it. These decisions have already been made, can't stay in the house. I'm not trying to be argumentative, but the response I've gotten haven't really helped me answer the questions I've been asking.
What I'm not hearing is how to communicate and interact with her. Go dark or help her with the process? Get respect or communicate and have relationship of any kind? If I help with the process, aren't I just stopping any DB techniques and supporting her decision to divorce, creating a self fulfilling prophecy I don't want?
Again, I have no desire for divorce and don't want it. However I also don't want the house and the extra costs of having it. Selling it seems to make financial sense for both of us and wouldn't this be separate from helping her with the divorce? Otherwise I'm worried I stick my head in the sand, do nothing and she builds up more resentment, still moves forward with divorce and hurts me more financially
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Like I've said before - this group and forum is amazing, not sure what I'd do without you. I come here to get feedback and help because you guys know more about what I'd be going through that anyone else and I try to give as much intell in my sitch to help aid in informed feedback.
Definitely not trying to come across like I don't value or dismiss people's feedback - just hadn't felt like my questions were answered.
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Update: so I spoke with her and told her I want to do my part in helping sell the house and even assisting with real estate agents if she would like. Let her know I view this as part of coparenting and even though I'm moving out, would leave her to be screwed with that part, since selling the house is something we both want.
She said she's still processing everything from yesterday and spent the entire day being angry, scared and sad. Said she felt better but as soon as she stepped foot in here it all came back and not sure what she wants to do.
Guess at this point I just have to leave it alone.
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Another update. Yesterday seemed to go ok. A nice stress free day. Came back to the house after work and had to take sons to oldest son school choir concert. Ww and I found out oldest I going to skip a grade in math so celebrated that proud parenting moment.
Had some moments of small talk and laughter at the concert and home after. Pretty lighthearted and it felt nice. About 8pm as kids were getting settled down I left to go meet some friends and watch a game. Already told ww I would be doing so Monday.
This morning as she's getting ready she was in a mood. She left without any interaction when the last three days she intentionally came in to do so. Also she packed her overnight bag with a change of clothes, perfume and sexy underwear. Wonder what she's doing tonight?
So I just texted her and asked if she was planning on coming back after work tonite. She said she might grab drinks, not sure. Told her I'm trying to communicate with her. If she goes out, she does. Nothing I can do about it. But I didn't know she was gone Tuesday and feels like I wouldn't have known today.
She responded "I came back by 6:30pm. If I do, I would let you know. You make plans, mine tend to be on a whim. Sorry . . ."
Just told her "thanks for letting me know. I appreciate that."
The open communication is not there. And when she tells me earlier that my distance and essentially going dark make her question whether or not I give a [censored] about anything regarding her, I tried to be more open to small talk and jokes. Yesterday and Tuesday seemed good. Now it feels like she's going to bang om just to punish me.
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
I'm trying to. I've gone through so many other people's posts and tried reviewing my own - there's a wealth of info out there. Just to help save me more time, can someone explain the difference between the LRT and Going Dark? With moving out, I'm sure going dark is the best course.
Is the difference essentially going dark being no contact at all, where LRT accepts there will have to be some interaction?
Last edited by Ripken8; 05/14/1512:28 PM.
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
