I most certainly had a AWMD. But then I ate dinner, came home, let the dogs out, put on some Chill Jazz on Amazon Radio and sat down and closed my eyes for a good 20 minutes. It was very relaxing and calmed me right down.
This is huge. It's a 180. It's hard. I'm gonna freak out every once in a while. I'm just going to have to live with it until I'm all good again. Just taking it hour by hour.
Oh I think I have either done that .. either at work or I know for sure in the car. Its builds up and its actually good and healthy to release it. Knowing its part of the process and accepting it like you are is key.
Oh I think I have either done that .. either at work or I know for sure in the car. Its builds up and its actually good and healthy to release it. Knowing its part of the process and accepting it like you are is key.
I did feel much better after I got out of the office and got home to relax a little. The cry was needed. I'm a pretty emotional dude and I don't think I had shed a tear until then. So it was inevitable.
Yesterday was a good day. Spent all day on the road visiting customers and surprisingly didn't think about the sitch at all during the 10+ hours of driving around.
I'm continuing my DBing, reading up on my self help books (the solo partner), and I'm looking for a kayak to purchase! Trying to keep away from W as much as possible. Just accepting each day as it comes.
I know I can't change her, I can only change myself. I'm about 99% sure the A is still going on in some way or another (mainly email), but I'm not snooping. I catch myself wanting to look and then stop and think; what am I really going to gain by doing this? Then I realize it's just going to ruin my day and I walk away.
I'm keeping a PMA as much as possible, especially at home.
W is still being very pleasant around the house when we are there together, but I keep my distance. I think she feels like she can still get her hooks in me if she tries hard enough. So far, all of her attempts have failed. Or maybe she's just happy I'm not fighting with her and causing drama while she continues her A. Who knows.
I want to walk up to her and say, "hey, I know you're still messing around. You're not very good at hiding it." But I know I shouldn't. Right?
M30 W30 Married: 1 year Together: 4 years No kids 3 Dogs
That is Correct, being strong / tough / setting you boundaries and being confrontational are two different things, i don't think being confrontational will buy you anything except animosity.
That is Correct, being strong / tough / setting you boundaries and being confrontational are two different things, i don't think being confrontational will buy you anything except animosity.
I think/know you're right. I'll just bite my tongue and go with the flow.
M30 W30 Married: 1 year Together: 4 years No kids 3 Dogs
Sorry to hijack this tread, but I've gotten the advice to read up on "the fog" that you have written about.. Would very much appreciate a tip on where you have written about this as you have so many posts I'm not sure where to start..
Well, thank you Tulo, I'm flattered. To tell the truth, I'm not positive where to start either. If you haven't read the threads on the WW, I would say to begin there. In describing the WW, I am pretty sure I talked about the fog. If you can't find what you are looking for, let me know and I'll do what I can to help.
In other words, the dirtier she treats you.....the more you want to throw yourself at her feet? See anything wrong with this picture? I assure you that she sees it.
I actually don't think she's been particularly dirty. She hasn't been a pain to be around or anything. She does her thing and I do mine. There have been no snide remarks or anything else. Yeah, there's been the temperature checking, but it's never in a mean way. She's just doing what she thinks will get my attention. Not like I enjoy it, but I can only change me.
And I can say I haven't thrown myself anywhere near her feet. Knock on wood. I really am trying to be strong around her.
Maybe you missed my point. What I find shocking in most of the LBH'S is how their WW can cheat, lie, deceive, be cold as ice, disrespectful, etc., .........and it just seems to make him want her even more. Like you said about wanting to call her and go home to hug her, etc.
That's why it is important to have those personal boundaries identified. Your self respect has to be priority right now. The less dignity she sees in you whenever she can get away with treating you badly, the less attractive you are in her sight.
In one of my threads, I talked a little about the LBH who lets his WW return to the MR (or continue on in it) too easily. In other words, she tells him she will stay in the M if he'll put this all behind them and move on. He wants her back so much until he gladly accepts her terms, but that is a mistake. I'm not saying you are doing this, I'm just talking in general. The WW has to work through issues and if she doesn't, I think it will come back to bite the M in the a$$. Don't take her back without her being truly sorrowful for the hurt she's caused and for her behavior. If she means it from the heart, I think the H will be able to tell. I believe it is a work and a process for her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
That's what happened with her first A... I let her back way too easily. Begged, pleaded, whined, the whole 9. Now look where I'm at.
I won't be making the same mistake again. Even though I have those feelings of wanting her back, wanting to hug/kiss/cuddle/etc., I'm not letting those feelings show or acting on them.
And thank you for clarifying and making sure I understood.
M30 W30 Married: 1 year Together: 4 years No kids 3 Dogs
If you haven't read the threads on the WW, I would say to begin there. In describing the WW, I am pretty sure I talked about the fog. If you can't find what you are looking for, let me know and I'll do what I can to help.