Yup...where I live that's how it works. I'm not in the US btw
Kids know we're getting divorced, we had an argument in front of kids 8 wks ago. But now they think everything's ok since mom and dad are living under one roof again and things are back to normal. Anyway, H came home late from work last night. I made a cup of coffee (he likes to drink coffee before going to bed) at the dining table before I went up to bed (I usually wait up for him..not anymore...doing a 180 on that). Came home and looked for me to say thank you and gave me hug. Felt good. I wish he would give me more of that. Hoping he'd change his mind...but I'm still acting as if. Only God knows what's in my heart right now.
Sorry your going through this Arleen. I know you may not like to hear this, but I think you should prepare yourself for the D going through in a week. It seems you are waiting and hoping things will change before the time comes, but its not likely he will change his mind this fast.
What I fear will happen is that as the timeline gets closer and closer and you see no change by H, you will begin to panic and try to beg or start a R talk as a last resort. We all know begging and arguing wont work, it only pushes them away.
This doesn't mean things are hopeless, D really isn't the end. You have children together and that bond will cause you to be connected for life. This gives you time to work on your changes, time that could show H those changes are real. Stay strong, you can do this.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
I, too, am so sorry you're going through this. You have already received great advice - especially about NOT leaving your home. I am not one of the vets, but that is the usual recommendation, unless, as was already mentioned, there is physical abuse, etc.
I noticed when you started posting that your friends were suggesting you move on. I'm sure they mean well, but only you can decide what is right for you.
I am not a Bible expert or super-religious but I came across this today. I hope it brings you some comfort.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds…. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit” (Psalm 147:3, 5).
Since your situation is a very rough one, I will dedicate a prayer to you and your family after I post this.
Hang in there!!
*Hugs*
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Thanks Fogg and Bob, truly appreciate your thoughts and prayers. Feeling down today...15th will be exactly 2 months from BD I am seriously fighting the urge to ask about R. Not a good feeling at all.
Anyway need some feedback. We haven't discussed anything at all about what happens after D. Like who gets custody of kids, whether to sell the house and other assets etc. Should I ask or just wait for him to open his mouth?
Anyway need some feedback. We haven't discussed anything at all about what happens after D. Like who gets custody of kids, whether to sell the house and other assets etc. Should I ask or just wait for him to open his mouth?
Anyway need some feedback. We haven't discussed anything at all about what happens after D. Like who gets custody of kids, whether to sell the house and other assets etc. Should I ask or just wait for him to open his mouth?
Personally I like the idea of saying nothing.
Unless you want to be divorced then by all means continue to pursue.
Ok so if H brings it up first though, should I say I don't wanna talk about it? Sorry I'm totally confused right now. I'm actually in the sales line, I lead a team of about 15 ppl. This is really frustrating for me cos now I have NO control over anything that's going on in my M right now. I've always been goal oriented and patience has never been my strength so this is really really hard for me. Ugh.
Ok so if H brings it up first though, should I say I don't wanna talk about it? Sorry I'm totally confused right now. I'm actually in the sales line, I lead a team of about 15 ppl. This is really frustrating for me cos now I have NO control over anything that's going on in my M right now. I've always been goal oriented and patience has never been my strength so this is really really hard for me. Ugh.
I guess you may be finding some of the things you need to 180. YES - you have no CONTROL over him. Only YOU.
If you have always been in CONTROL maybe the thing to change is to let him do it.
I still like saying nothing.
Here is something you could say if needed:
Husband I understand you want to be divorced. That must be very hard for you and it is a brave step, I will not stand in your way however I will not help you get divorced.
