Dazed and Confused

[Archer1]

Good morning all,

Nothing to really update this morning. W got home late last night (around 8:30 PM). W tried some small talk here and there, but overall it was a quiet evening.

I think I'm becoming alright with the idea of D. My list of cons greatly outnumbers the list of pros (but the list of pros outweighs the cons) if that makes sense.

I'm still relatively young, we haven't been at this for long, no kids, no house and I'm thinking it will be easier and better in the long run to cut bait and go. I'm still not going to help her with the D or anything like that. I'll keep DBing and keep up my GAL, I'm also reading 'The Solo Partner'. I feel like I'll be well prepared for my next relationship; whether it's with my W or someone else.

[Archer1]

So... since this morning everything has been downhill. I don't know what happened but all of these emotions have been flowing over me all day.

I'm having to turn my phone off to keep myself from contacting her. I just want to grab her when she gets home and give her a big hug. I want to tell her we can work it out. I want to break every one of Sandi's rules. I'm having a hard time keeping myself from breaking down at my desk at work.

I don't know what to do...

[kippz]

I feel that way sometimes. I break down and slip up. You are not alone.

[Zephyr]

There are many of us who've spent some good old fashioned meltdown time at work. Deep breath. Remember why the 37,are important. It is to stop pressuring wife. Pressuring will not help you right now. It will only push her farther away.

I freaked out today too so Don't sweat that. Vent here...be strong and confident at home. Stay positive...you can do this!

[Archer1]

Thanks kippz.

Zephyr, so far this is my first at work melt down (AWMD). That's right, I'm making a new abbreviation because I feel that this is the first of many. Had to lock my office door and started sobbing like a baby. I don't even know what triggered it, it came outta nowhere and there was no stopping it.

You're right. The 37 are there for a reason. It just seems so easy for her though, like she's not even trying.

After NC all day, she just sent me a text "dinner?". WTF am I supposed to do with that!?

[CaliGuy]

Archer

Just caught up on your sitch.
Seems she is going to constantly temp check you, this is not out of the norm and you are doing well (on the surface but inside you are most likely flipping out a bit .. again .. normal)

This will go how it will ... all you can control is how you are reacting to it all. Keep GAL, PMA those are key and seem to be working a bit right? I was glad to see you cancelled the MC appt ... a mistake I made, had I known OM was still around I would and should have done the same. Its a waste of time otherwise, you saved yourself some ground there.

One thing that seems to happen, if the D starts up she may want to "be friends" after type thing ... my reply to my W, I have plenty of friends and none of them would ever treat me the way you did ... not from a place of anger, just very calm and sincere letting her know I had no interest in her nor the friend zone .... that did seem to turn things some.

I think you are doing well, as far as dinner ... why? Again .. to make sure she has you ... you are a pursuer and I would guess a fixer ... every ounce in your fabric wants to have dinner, hold hands, kiss and pretend all this did not happen .... DO NOT DO THAT. Stay the course, your W has to recommit to you and the M .... till then ... continue doing what you are doing.... do what works right?

[sandi2]

I'm having to turn my phone off to keep myself from contacting her. I just want to grab her when she gets home and give her a big hug. I want to tell her we can work it out. I want to break every one of Sandi's rules. I'm having a hard time keeping myself from breaking down at my desk at work.

In other words, the dirtier she treats you.....the more you want to throw yourself at her feet? See anything wrong with this picture? I assure you that she sees it.

[Archer1]

Archer

Just caught up on your sitch.
Seems she is going to constantly temp check you, this is not out of the norm and you are doing well (on the surface but inside you are most likely flipping out a bit .. again .. normal)

Yes, it seems that the temp checking is pretty constant. I am flipping out on the inside, however I have not reacted to anything (in front of her).

This will go how it will ... all you can control is how you are reacting to it all. Keep GAL, PMA those are key and seem to be working a bit right? I was glad to see you cancelled the MC appt ... a mistake I made, had I known OM was still around I would and should have done the same. Its a waste of time otherwise, you saved yourself some ground there.

Yeah, I agreed with Sandi when I asked if I should cancel or not. I think her advice was very sound there. And very appreciated

One thing that seems to happen, if the D starts up she may want to "be friends" after type thing ... my reply to my W, I have plenty of friends and none of them would ever treat me the way you did ... not from a place of anger, just very calm and sincere letting her know I had no interest in her nor the friend zone .... that did seem to turn things some.

I think you are doing well, as far as dinner ... why? Again .. to make sure she has you ... you are a pursuer and I would guess a fixer ... every ounce in your fabric wants to have dinner, hold hands, kiss and pretend all this did not happen .... DO NOT DO THAT. Stay the course, your W has to recommit to you and the M .... till then ... continue doing what you are doing.... do what works right?

I never responded to her and ate dinner before I got home from work. So she came home and ate something from the fridge.

I most certainly had a AWMD. But then I ate dinner, came home, let the dogs out, put on some Chill Jazz on Amazon Radio and sat down and closed my eyes for a good 20 minutes. It was very relaxing and calmed me right down.

This is huge. It's a 180. It's hard. I'm gonna freak out every once in a while. I'm just going to have to live with it until I'm all good again. Just taking it hour by hour.

[Archer1]

In other words, the dirtier she treats you.....the more you want to throw yourself at her feet? See anything wrong with this picture? I assure you that she sees it.

I actually don't think she's been particularly dirty. She hasn't been a pain to be around or anything. She does her thing and I do mine. There have been no snide remarks or anything else. Yeah, there's been the temperature checking, but it's never in a mean way. She's just doing what she thinks will get my attention. Not like I enjoy it, but I can only change me.

And I can say I haven't thrown myself anywhere near her feet. Knock on wood. I really am trying to be strong around her.

[Tulo]

Sorry to hijack this tread, but I've gotten the advice to read up on "the fog" that you have written about.. Would very much appreciate a tip on where you have written about this as you have so many posts I'm not sure where to start..

Thanks Sandi2!