Earlier today our son told my W that he wanted to see me. My current apartment is having new floors put in and I don't exactly have the funds to go somewhere. So I suggested that I just go over to her place and see him for a little while. She immediately refused saying it wasn't a good idea. She is completely avoiding any interaction with mE even if it is for our son. How do I approach this issue without causing her to put more distance between us?
Who knows what it means, its mindreading and not productive ... what does it mean when my W wears the blue blouse with black pants? HellifIkno
Maybe she does not want you over as its awkward, maybe she wants some time to herself while you babysit your S.
Some things that strike me odd, your S is 3 .... at that age ... my S was all about momma, never really was daddy's boy till 5 or so. You state she wants no interaction with you ... so if it was her idea you spend time with S its either so you are a part of his life, or maybe she wanted a break. Regardless of the reason .... being an amazing father is attractive and can be one of the tools to 180 with your W ... I am not sure how hands on you are with your S... I know from 0-4 ish I was not Mr Hands-on-Dad ... but during my journey in all this I went from "pretty good dad" ... to ... "No way is anyone better for this boy than me". Not that this alone has saved my marriage .. that is still TBD at this point.... but I am here to tell you that it did not hurt.
My answer to how you approach this .. be excited to take S, do fun stuff, this should not have anything to do with your M, or W .. .this is about you being a father. Regardless if you save the M or not ... not many gals would respect a guy who is not active in his childs life ... its kind of a turn off for em ... trust me.
You do not need $$ to be a great father ... parks are free ... I spent plenty of time with my S there.
Unfortunately there is a flood warning in my area and I'm sitting on empty with a whole week of work ahead of me. I try to spend as much time with his as I can and have been very active in his life since she moved out. unfortunately he is constantly afraid of me leaving him Which troubles me deeply. I want to be the best father I can be Regardless of her decision in the end.
I'm in the middle of db. What she told me and what I recently found out are different. She told me she needed room to grieve our sons death. I was recently told that she left because her OOM told her he would stop talking to her if she stayed with me.
In the book there is a "Believe none of what they say and only 50% of what they do line" Tuck that one in your pocket ... it is usually accurate
Ok, so here is the thing, you can not control what she does, who she sees, what she eats, the color of lip gloss she decides to wear tomorrow. All you can do from this point till forever ... is control your actions and reactions.
The reason she moved out on the surface may have been because OM threatened to end contact .... but what was the underlying reasons .. things she complained about in your M, things you did ... justified or not, this part is the area you need to explore a bit .. the reasons she looked elsewhere for needs that were not being met in the M.
In my case .. was a long line of little things, resentment builds, like a volcano finally the eruption and it takes a bit to see the reasons, to realize there were things I could have done better ... things she could have done better but this point in the game they have checked out so we need to fix our side of the street ..... maybe they take notice, maybe they don't ... regardless one must keep his side of the street clean.
