Yeah. I may need to look into more movies or things by myself. Any other resources or things you guys think will help? I appreciate all the suggestions. It's just really reassuring to know I'm not alone
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
I am, but we'll have them exactly 50/50. So that will be nice when I have them. Came back to the house. On the way talked with sister in law who really disapproves of ww and affair. She told me she talked with ww yesterday and grilled her about affair and her actions. We got defensive and angry. Told her that she was just having fun and enjoying herself. This [censored] and doesn't appear she's ever getting out of the fog.
I just don't see her caring about me or if anything does or doesn't happen. I miss her so much, even when I'm in the same room with her. It's Mother's Day and I feel like an outsider in my own home with my kids.
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
On the way talked with sister in law who really disapproves of ww and affair. She told me she talked with ww yesterday and grilled her about affair and her actions. We got defensive and angry. Told her that she was just having fun and enjoying herself. This [censored] and doesn't appear she's ever getting out of the fog
It's encouraging to hear that at least someone is trying to give your wife some good advice. Maybe some day, along with your own changes, it will sink in for her.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Thanks. Both my sisters in law are 100% supportive of me and our marriage. The only problem is that she blocks them out and only surrounds herself with new people that don't know me and support her affair.
She's still in the fog and may never come out. I miss her and today is one of those tough days
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
She's still in the fog and may never come out. I miss her and today is one of those tough days
Hi Rip,
It's good to see you've been getting support from fellow DB'ers. I hope that tomorrow will be a much better day for you.
I am going to dedicate a prayer to you as soon as I press the 'submit' button to this post.
Keep your chin up.
Your friend,
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Bob - thanks! The night got easier, here's what happened:
-I came home and talked with ww about what she did with the boys while I was away, they went to the park and out for lunch.
-ww showed me some of the Mother's Day gifts our youngest made for her and thanked me for buying the locket from the boys for her. She said it was beautiful and she started to cry. I told her that when it comes to her being a mom, she's an amazing mom. I wished her a happy Mother's Day and told her I never question that. I can always appreciate her being a great mom to our kids and that part is easy.
-she told me she felt the same way about me as a dad. Said early on in our relationship, I wasn't always the best, but she's proud of how much I've grown and turned into an outstanding dad. She said I've really stepped it up and been there for our kids and she never wants me to question that. I told her I have doubts and questions about a lot of things and that comes up. She told me I shouldn't ever question that.
It was a great exchange and started to get a little sad because I missed seeing affection and happiness when she would look at me like she did tonite, even if it was in regards to us being co parents and nothing more.
We ended the night by watching a movie together with the boys. I enjoyed that and the boys did to. Now I'm second guessing if I just allowed her to cake eat.
I have no idea if it was a good thing because my anxiety needed a break and she was allowed to see and experience good, positive interactions with me or if it was bad because I was weak and had more friend interactions with her tonite and not neighborly.
I don't want to go back on my boundary and have her feel like we can be friends while she has an affair, like that's ok. But I can't keep telling her that (I haven't since I gave her the boundary) because she already knows.
The second guessing and over analyzing is tough.
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
I don't want to go back on my boundary and have her feel like we can be friends while she has an affair, like that's ok. But I can't keep telling her that (I haven't since I gave her the boundary) because she already knows.
The second guessing and over analyzing is tough.
Hi Rip,
You're welcome! I prayed for you right after I pressed the submit button.
I understand why you would feel confused and therefore second guess yourself. You may have a better handle on this than you think. It is very good that you don't keep telling her about the boundary you set. As you wrote, she already knows. If you keep bringing it up, it will most likely push her further away from you.
For now, try to focus on your boys and the fact that they had a good time tonight.
What do others think?
Keep your chin up, okay??
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Rip, I'm glad your day was salvaged. I know it felt good to do something nice for your W. As far as cake eating, it might be. But rest assured, if there ever was a day to get a pass, yesterday was it. I'm sort of struggling with the same thing in my sitch. Keep it up, you've come a long way, Rip!
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Defacto, what helps you? I really only have 2 more weeks before I move out. Which is starting to give me some anxiety. It will be nice to be on my own and not have to live with the ww while the affair is in full force and not have to be triggered my phone calls, texts and her "plans" as she leaves for the night.
However, I'm really worried and scared that I'll be incredibly lonely and that the reality will continue to set in that she's never coming back. I know I can't control that, but so many on this board still hold out hope the 2-3 years down the road the path is paved and she may reconsider.
How does that hope not turn into attachment? I can't imagine being able to endure this pain for 2-3 more months, let alone 2-3 years.
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
