Cadet | While I appreciate greatly your work since you became a moderator, I don't understand why you suddenly strictly enforce the no external links policy. It's been the policy all along, yet there was some flexibility in it. Perhaps you could explain why you feel that your approach is increasing the value of these forums, for MWD and for the contributors?
Mozza Sorry you feel that way. They are not my rules or laws. Why do you feel that you should be allowed to break them? Do you tell the police the same thing if you are speeding down the highway? Do you think oh maybe they are not looking so I will just break this one small law because it wont hurt anyone?
I asked about this particular rule and was told that it should be enforced. So I guess you need to get the rule changed. Not be mad at the police.
Thanks Cadet. I will answer your questions in hope that you will answer mine so that we can have clarity.
I am not asking for any special privilege for me but rather for a little flexibility for everyone.
Your highway patrol example is excellent because they do allow some flexibility. They do not issue tickets for an extra 1-2 miles above the limit. There is discretion in how they apply the rule without the need for the legislator to intervene. Same for here.
I am not trying to do anything while the law enforcement is not looking. I want everyone to continue to benefit from the flexibility in plain sight.
As you can tell, there is no need to change the rule. I'm the one going to bat for this because I enjoy when people would post links to music videos and lyrics and the likes and I had some to contribute too. But I'm not the only one who thinks it was an enrichment to the boards. I'm not suggesting that every link be allowed, and certainly not those to competing approaches. This is how it worked for a long time, and it worked well.
Hope this clarifies.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
I got put on moderation for a couple of months (with no active moderator around like Cadet to take me off) for unintentionally breaking a rule with zero mal-intent (trying to help someone, but not publicize their info). Consider yourself lucky.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
I got put on moderation for a couple of months (with no active moderator around like Cadet to take me off) for unintentionally breaking a rule with zero mal-intent (trying to help someone, but not publicize their info). Consider yourself lucky.
-PM
Hmmm same thing happened to me way back when, and it was for my welcome post that had a link to a detachment website that was made famous by a steroid taking cyclist.
Today is my 5th wedding anniversary. I thought I would see it coming from afar, but it didn't occur to me until last night. I'm not overly sad, but it's definitely not how I wanted to spend that day. It makes me think of her bright yellow dress at the wedding and, most of all, her welled up eyes as she looked at me and repeated "until death do us apart". It's a moment about which I think many times a week. It's hard to believe it is so recent. It is one of the reason why it's so easy for me to buy into the DB principle that we never know the future.
Of course, it's also Mother's Day. I didn't prepare anything for her, not even with the kids because they had already prepared something at school and daycare. But I wouldn't have anyway.* I'm afraid WW hasn't had her best year as a W and mom. At BD, she couldn't care less about the impact of the D on the kids. She hid behind "they're resilient". I remember how little she cared about announcing the S to them. No, I don't feel like wishing her a good Mother's day.
* This is one of the reasons I'm S. If my WW did something wrong, I would punish her across the board, demanding near perfection in return for my affection and kindness. Thankfully, I'm cured now.
Ironically, I will go on a date for the first time today. Someone I met online. It will be just a walk in the park, perhaps stopping somewhere for coffee or drinks. I was supposed to have a date last night, but after a chance encounter with the woman the day before, I decided I was not interested and cancelled. If I'm learning something from this online dating is that, while I'm usually working up the courage to talk to women, rejecting is not easy either. I've had more success than anticipated and it's been a little overwhelming. I make a point of ignoring no one, whether I'm interested or not. But if I go on a date with every women who's interested or, worse, who interests me, this will become a full time occupation!
In other news, my WW has asked that we start the mediation process. She wrote that it would help us see the situation more clearly and move on with our lives. I told her I was in no rush, but that I would not get in the way of "her" divorce. She confirmed that she wants to start and she will now find a few potential mediators for us to choose from. I dread meeting her and avoid it at all costs, but if you hadn't guessed already, it's because I really want to meet her. So, in a way, I'm actually looking forward to these mediation sessions. I want information on how she is, I want to show her who I've become. But also, I agree that the D might be just what we both really need to let go and see each other in a different light. I just pray I won't cry at these sessions. I'm usually pretty good in public. For those wondering if I still want to R, my heart says yes, my head says no, and I listen to neither of them.
D7 went to summer camp for 3 days last week. She was going with her mom right after, but she had a couple of hours at school in between and I stopped by to pick up her luggage and talk about it with her. I was so sad that this is how I get to know such important milestones in her life — her first sleepover without family, the fantastic memories of camp. We cuddled and talked for 15 minutes in the school yard and I hid my tears behind my sunglasses. During her time away, I took it easy with D3 both mornings: she climbed up in my bed and we joked around, cuddled and tickled. I miss my kids.
This update is full of contradictions about wedding and D, vows and separation, dating and mediation, kids and sadness, rejection and attraction. And that's my life right now.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
I've been on these boards for about a month now and have come across your posts quite often. Of course the success stories give all of us hope and I am so grateful that you compile them.
What I'm trying to say, is that some of us are not good at writing out our stories and giving advice to others. I read and read and feel and understand yours and other DBers pain. I smile at all of your successes. It gives me the will to go on and keep trying, even when I feel like giving up.
Thank you Mozza for so eloquently sharing your life with us complete strangers. We care!
Diana
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Mozza, you're a great writer. I love that you can so openly sit with all your contradictions without trying to make them make sense, relevant to each other. I'll take this bit of inspiration with me this week, it's something I've read today that speaks to me.
Congrats on your bits of peace and joy. I hope things continue to go well for you.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
