I've been reading the forums silently for the past 6 weeks looking for support and tips on how to save my M. H dropped the bomb on 3/15 but he keeps saying until today that he loves me, he's still attracted to me but he doesn't see that we have a future together. We've been married for 13 years, S13, D 12 and S4. He agreed to go for counselling so that we could be better parents after the D. I've been reading DR after I stumbled upon this website and have been trying the steps in the book but I've slid a few times. It's so hard not to talk about R especially when I think about the kids. been asking him to reconsider for kids sake but he's still adamant to proceed with D. D will be final on May 21st which is just a few weeks away. I've been trying to GAL but there are days that I just cannot move on. we spoke about R two nights ago..i know I shouldn't have but I did!!! H got really upset and started yelling at me saying that there is no way he would ever consider R. we're still living in the same house but he's now sleeping in another room for the past 6 weeks. Otherwise, I'm still doing the usual stuff st home, laundry, cooking etc. I have made a lot of changes on my part...used to get angry all the time. He says he has noticed my changes but he doesn't think it'll last. it's so frustrating. I need help....I'm running out of time.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Thank you Cadet. I've read and re-read what you posted up there. I've been doing some 180, I think it's working. H still hugs and kisses me, should I withdraw myself? I'm so confused.
No he says he's not involved with anyone else. he says between kids aND the family, he doesn't have time for anything else. He seems to remember all the fights we've had the past 13 years and can't remember any good times. I guess that's typical for a WAS?
Thank you Winhamn and Matt777. Friends are saying I'm in denial and that I should move on. Maybe I should. Trying to GAL; focus on work and my health.
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
I meant between WORK and family,he doesn't have time for anything else.
Oh dear then I should I hide my DR book.
Winhamn, I've reduced my expectations so much the past 6 weeks. H agrees that I have improved a lot but thinks that the past 6 weeks "isn't us" and that we'll fall back to our cycle of fighting etc. When he dropped the bomb, he says we're better off as friends and that nothing he does and did the past 13 years ever made me happy. The truth is, he is a wonderful H...despite his tight work schedule he spends what ever time he has to help me out with chores at home and with kids. he said he gave up what ever social life and hobbies he had for us but I'm still wanting more. That what he does/did is never enough for me. He also says that it's a bit too late to fix the marriage and that D is the best option. I on the other hand, will not quit until we R.
