Had ok weekend. Went out with guys Saturday. Sunday did stuff with kids and yard work. Evening kids were playing so had dinner alone with wife. I made mistake of asking her if she is or did have any kind of affair. She claims no, but a lot of signs point towards it. We talked about my reasons, she gave reasons for everyone of them, then gave same back to me. On how I'm doing same stuff, like going to gym, new clothes, going out on weekends so who knows. Giving her space, keeping myself busy, not bringing relationship(Except affair). Going for a massage today which drives her nuts because I never got one until she broke my heart.
Last week she closed an old checking account we had, she's got the check from it, about a grand. I have a problem, she says she going to keep check, guessing to put in her own account. I told her yesterday she can deposit in to joint account, since its our money. W didn't say anything. Things are fragile around house. How do I bring this up again without start war or get walked all over? Money wont make or break me, don't think W should get to keep for mad money. Do I drop it or just open my own account and do same thing? Not sure if W is testing me or what.
She said she has felt rejected physically and emotionally for 8 months. I had a man problem that made me shut down because I didn't know what was going on with me and I didn't know how to deal with it.
Well, at first I thought you meant you liked other guys, then I thought you were referring to having ED. So, could you clarify?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Other day I asked her if she had or is having affair. laid out all the fact, of course she denied and had reasons for all evidence, so who knows.
Yesterday W said "we are not friends". She started thinking about a woman I KISSED 14 years ago, and she feels like a fool. I kept my calm, explained we dealt with that years ago. I blamed my drinking for what happened, which I don't do anymore. W said got it back in her head and let go of it. Seems like she digging for excuses to get out? Guess I brought this upon myself for accusing her.
Also told me no contact except if its about house or kids. "Don't want to talk about us." I agree and went to bed. I can follow the 32 steps and detach. Any thing else I should do? How do I act around her at home since we live together? I'll take any help I can get. Pretty sure its coming to an end.
Unfortunately things get worse before they get better and that is part of the script.
I would start protecting yourself as best as you can.
Have you been to a lawyer?
Also
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
How much worse can it get? Losing wife and friend, being treated like dog poo. I'm trying. Person can only take so much abuse. Want to keep W and fam. together, but coming to reality might never happen.
IS it better to be living together separated or would it be better to ask her to move out? 4 months in and things seem to be getting worse. What would be better for children? With me being Mr. mom she can do what ever she wants knowing that I'm home taking care of the kids. She can do for dinner or drinks anytime she wants after work. My day just starts after work. Cooking, homework and taking kids to activities. Maybe being apart she would realize that she cant take care of kids and how much I actually do. Don't want to be together for the kids, but she also thinks I don't do anything.
With me being Mr. mom she can do what ever she wants knowing that I'm home taking care of the kids. She can do for dinner or drinks anytime she wants after work. My day just starts after work. Cooking, homework and taking kids to activities. Maybe being apart she would realize that she cant take care of kids and how much I actually do. Don't want to be together for the kids, but she also thinks I don't do anything.
Why don't you inform her that YOU are going out for dinner and drinks with a friend. You don't have to give location, names, anything in detail, just let her know you are doing something this evening and you need her to watch the kids. Let her experience taking care of the kids. Give her the chance to 'miss' your help around the house.
This not only changes the dynamic in your R, but it gives you the chance to go out and have a good time. If she can, why can't you?
M: 6 years, together 11 M: 31 W: 30 D 2, S 4 BD 3/26/15 (EA with OM)
