Heavy D, I really feel for you and wish you the best of luck. I hope the proceedings don't continue and over time she changes her mind or gives you the option to review your relationship. Keep fighting if that's what you want to do!
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Depending on the state you live in, she can file for a D and still have nothing happen. Where my W originally filed, she then had to go through the process of serving me. She never did. In the new state I filed, service was part of the filing process.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Oh - well I don't see that happening knowing how much she wants to be free of me and get this divorce over with. I expect her to be there early!
Hi HeavyD,
You could be right, or things could change unexpectedly. I feel the same way about my wife -- she'll be there early.
I'm certainly not trying to give you false hope, but just recently I've had friends tell me several stories of D's that were busted on the final court date. It's rare, but it does happen.
Don't give up hope, okay?
Your friend,
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
So I get a phone call this morning as I was driving into work
WAW angrily accused me of telling D6 the she was moving in with AP. I said "no I did not say that". She then said S9 said he wanted to have trampoline birthday party at the house but that I won't let her attend. She said I actively disrespect her in front of the kids and they ae mirroring it back to her.
I was calm and said "I am sorry you feel that way, it must be frustrating to hear that." She yells "Stop it with all of that counseling mumbo jumbo". "Stop tearing me down in front of the kids. I said I don't do that. She continues with her rant.
I said "OK well I have to get to work now, goodbye".
She then texts me "Since I tried to communicate with you but again you would not talk. So wold you like me to put this request in writing?"
I stored that text on my computer.
Jeez - That makes me feel really bad to have her yell at me like that. I do not run her down to kids. I tell them Mommy and I both love them very much. I told that that Momma has hurt my feelings that is why we don't live together anymore. WAW has told them she is in love with AP. What a chitty way to start the day.
I guess I will just shake it off. I thought I handled it OK but still it leaves me rattled.
Heavy D, sorry you had such a tough start to the day - that's horrible. It sounds to me as though some of your W's guilt is coming out at you as anger. JMHO...
From what you post, you managed to handle it pretty well and stayed cool. My only thought is about your W's follow up message about 'not being able to communicate with you again.' Is it worth confirming with her that you are willing to have convos about the kids, but if she starts ranting or shouting at you, you will end the convo and can have it another time when she can do so calmly?
((HD))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
You may be onto something. Yes, it is true, when she ventures into disrespectful behavior, yelling, put downs, rants, etc... I just hang up the phone or walk away. End of story. I am not her emotional punching bag anymore.
It is also true that I could follow up, when you are more calm, we can discuss this further.
You may be onto something. Yes, it is true, when she ventures into disrespectful behavior, yelling, put downs, rants, etc... I just hang up the phone or walk away. End of story. I am not her emotional punching bag anymore.
Hello Heavy,
I too am sorry you had such a rough start to your day. You handled it well.
I love your comment: "I am not her emotional punching bag anymore."
That's the spirit!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
As you know - my WAW is engaged in an active affair. I have informed her that unless she is willing to work on the marriage without a third party involved, I will not participate in counseling.
EMAIL from WW
It appears issues that haunted us duringour marriage will probably not be resolved in our future as co-parents unless we take steps to resolve it. I think it would be good for us and for the children if we come to common ground on being able to discuss issues with them and with each other.
Do you have any suggestions? Counseling?
SUGGESTED RESPONSE FROM ME
Things are difernent now between you and I and our family.
I will participate in counseling with you when you end your affair and comit to our marriage and family.
If you are unwilling to end your affair, and commit to our family fully, I will not participate in any counseling.
Thoughts? Any way I can say it better, less formal?
