Ripken - LRT with a WW and divorce filed #2

[Wonka]

Rip,

Try to find your own center. It is your "stinkin' thinkin'" that is causing you to spin.

Tonight, be busy with the kids...maybe go out for a walk after dinner. Help them with their homework. Get busy while laying low so it will distract your mind.

[Ripken8]

Will do. I understand. This thinking is killing me.

[Ripken8]

wish there was anything else I can do right now. This waiting and anxiety is killing me

[Ripken8]

I guess I'm also starting and continuing to accept that she really does feel she wants to move on, but part of me wants to hold out hope because it's hard for me to not stick out the white flag and feel divorce is ineveitable if I don't.

[Ripken8]

She did everything SAT the 18th, but I'm having to experience it in waves and feels all of the sudden.

[Ripken8]

Verified with my attorney that she did all the signing and the temporary order for me to vacate on 4/18. That night I confronted her on the accounts and she said she couldn't trust me and had to protect herself. Really overly defensive, but she just finished paperwork asking for these things.

The next Tuesday when she told me she said she hid things from me because she was a chicken and a coward and had to protect her because she didn't know how I would react to the divorce and affair.

All that being said she could have done all of this 100% knee jerk and out of fear. My l told me it's common practice to almost force a person to file first out of fear for what happens if the other one does.

Looking at her actions since then, she's been initiating, even though I keep it short. And this morning she came in to apologize for getting so angry and wanted us to communicate better. That seemed genuine and if she's adamant that she wants me gone and only a matter of time, why do that? Why not just ignore me?

[Ripken8]

Laying low to its has been easy. She went to her friends and then the boys and I played basketball when she got back. After we were done she went to bed just now. Doesn't even want to spend time in the same room with me, her choice and I can't control that and I won't pursue.

It hurts though. This all feels like it happened so fast and every day brings a new obstacle with less and less connection and conversation between us.

[Ripken8]

Man, my anxiety is getting to me obviously. I was having a great morning and for the first time since the bomb drop and maybe even before that, I felt good about myself and ok with my situation. Then I meet with my attorney and everything becomes real.

I haven't pursued, have kept low and stayed with the lrt. In fact, we've been in the same room a total of 5 minutes all day and won't see each other tomorrow.

I realize that a big part of me still wants to pursue, out of fear. Fear of getting kicked out, fear of my family being broken up, fear of never having a relationship with her again, fear of the unknown. Interestingly, her being my wife and that loss isn't hurting right now.

What she's done in lying, cheating, etc is making it tough to feel that way about her or want to trust her right now.

I'm missing my friend. I'm missing the connection we had and really I'm hurt that someone could love me and then what seems in a moments notice immediately not and disrespect and hurt me so fast and not care.

[Bob723]

I'm missing my friend. I'm missing the connection we had and really I'm hurt that someone could love me and then what seems in a moments notice immediately not and disrespect and hurt me so fast and not care.

Hello Rip,

I can understand why you are so anxious. You have a lot going on now. I pray it all works out for you.

I added the last part of your quote because I think you stated how most, if not all, of the LBS' feel. How does it seemingly unravel without any warning?

Stay strong!

Bob

[Winhamn]

I'm missing my friend. I'm missing the connection we had and really I'm hurt that someone could love me and then what seems in a moments notice immediately not and disrespect and hurt me so fast and not care.

While my sitch is different then yours, these comments resonate deeply with me.

The emotional ride is drastically up and down.

I wish I could fix this for you, but I can't.

I can only tell you that you are not alone in dealing with these feelings, and the way you are feeling is normal.

I've been using a thought stopping technique of visualizing a huge stop sign when I start heading down unrealistic or negative patterns of thought. Seems to help a little.