I'm just really tired of everybody telling me I'm a fool for even leaving the door open. That I've gone above and beyond. Like I said I mostly typed this for me. If anybody reads this who is struggling with feeling 'foolish' for hanging on the roller coaster please know you're not alone.
I hear ya there. I have a mental list of how much I can say to different friends, family - just to avoid feeling foolish.
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
Well I'm back on the DB wagon as I said (Round Two). The first round saw me make a lot of mistakes. I didn't stick to the things that worked, and I would always break down so-to-speak after days or weeks of doing well. I'd always seem to get back on her yo-yo. She'd draw me in with warmth- then slam me with cold distance. All the the while saying she wanted to work on things. As you know a week ago I broke my sobriety and made a scene at her house and she is back to saying she wants to divorce.
Day three of no contact. That part is easier this time. I don't even look for small-talk reasons to contact her. The issue now is more internal. I'm feeling very depressed and I have to keep moving. I had a little break down today as it was the first day that I haven't been extremely busy out of the house- and I've been way to mopey and lethargic. So I'm going to post here, post on some other people's threads, and go for a hike with my headphones on even if it's rainy.
My prayers lately consist much less of 'help me fix this' and much more of 'help me accept this'.
Sounds like you are doing pretty well my friend. Those days where we have no plans are the tougher ones, and getting out of the house to do whatever is a good plan I'm sure. sometimes I just take myself off to a nice coffee shop with wifi and my ipad to get out of the house and among company for a bit. Also, if I'm at home and moping, I just make myself do something - clean out a cupboard, do some study and so on. Then I think - well, it might have been a cr@ppy day, but at least it was a useful one.
Good job on the sobriety too - first six days of the rest of your life :-)
Last edited by Toots; 04/26/1508:54 PM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
It sounds to me like you are doing better. You have so much to deal with, I am proud of the steps you are taking in your R and for yourself. You are also doing a tremendous job encouraging others and/or offering advice. Way to go!
You posted this: "I'd always seem to get back on her yo-yo. She'd draw me in with warmth-then slam me with cold distance."
This is exactly what my W was doing for, I'd say over 4 months. It took me that long to realize that this was a form of manipulation. You identified this pretty quickly...good for you.
You know the saying: One Day at a Time.
We all care about you and understand very much.
Your friend,
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Wonka- I went to AA twice in the last seven days. It's scary how many people there are experiencing R problems on account of the booze. I've given away two copies of DR
Pyrite- That's a really good idea. I printed off the Lighthouse story from Cadet's post and I'm basically going to use it as a thesis to my parents tonight at dinner.
Toots- Hahaa I'm on a first name basis with every employee at the nearest cafe.
Bob- I know you guys care. I feel it. It's so strange but it prompted the title of my thread.
Diana- Watch out, I was shopping for used motorcycles today. You inspired me.
It's funny how back to square one I am. Struggling with NC and missing her. But it feels good to be grounded in the sense that I know that I really am detaching this go 'round. I'm almost constantly giving myself advice throughout the day that I'd give to other people on this board. I'm talking to myself people.
It's funny how back to square one I am. Struggling with NC and missing her. But it feels good to be grounded in the sense that I know that I really am detaching this go 'round. I'm almost constantly giving myself advice throughout the day that I'd give to other people on this board. I'm talking to myself people.
Day 7 Sober. (Emotions and Alcohol)
Hi RealMe,
Whatever you were saying to yourself must be working! Keep up the good work and thank you for posting on so many of our threads. I'm very happy to hear that you attended 2 AA meetings this week.
Tomorrow is going to make day eight of being sober (emotional and alcohol).
Keep it going!!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
I'm almost constantly giving myself advice throughout the day that I'd give to other people on this board. I'm talking to myself people.
Day 7 Sober. (Emotions and Alcohol)
You do whatever you need to do to make yourself healthy and keep moving forward. I talk to myself and God all the time and it helps, whatever is working for you keep doing it.
Good job on 7 days sober, keep it up.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
I can't believe I'm asking this- maybe it's because I got little to no sleep, but I suppose it's better to post here than to do something spur of the moment out of emotion...
I should maintain no contact until she reaches out to me right?
