This Feels Like the Only Place I'm Understood...

[RealMe]

You're right Cadet. It's very obvious she isn't all in.

I guess I just want it so bad that as soon as she said divorce is off the table I was ready to go full speed ahead on goals and resolution. MWD even cautioned in DR not to get too enthusiastic on progress.

I need to go back to goals. Back to doing what works, less of what doesn't. I need to take care of myself right now.

[MrBond]

You're not even close to Piecing. She's just placating you. Stay distant and let her ACTIONS speak for her.

[Bob723]

RealMe. Please, please don't despair. And please call someone who you can talk to today. Yes, you slipped up, and yes you ended months of sobriety. But you are on a difficult path - both in terms of your marriage and in terms of alcohol. I truly understand this. But that doesn't mean that your marriage is over. It doesn't mean that your days of sobriety are over. And please don't let it mean that your life is over.

Whilst these might seem like dark days, there is always hope and you can do this. Tomorrow can be the start of months and years of sobriety if you want it to be. You can move forward and ultimately live a happy and fulfilled life - however things turn out for you and your marriage. All of this is ultimately within your gift my friend. There is help and support waiting for you to reach out, so please do that.

Hello RealMe,

I am so overwhlemed with joy to hear from you! I just caught up with your situation tonight.

I think everyone that has posted in your thread has made some very good points and all of them have helped me at one time or another.

I especially loved the way Toots replied, which is why I quoted her above.

You are in a rough place now, but you have people here who really care about you and we DO understand...The pain of divorce is much deeper and more soul wrenching than most people can imagine, unless they have been through it themselves. Divorce can mean the end of your hopes and dreams, the end of your life as you have known it, a loss of control, and feelings of rejection, loneliness, and blame. There is anger, depression, helplessness, bitterness, resentment, feelings of worthlessness, and guilt. The list goes on and on.

But there is hope. Healing is a day-to-day process and that is what I'm going thru right now. Our D is not final, but things don't look good.

I don't know if you will find any comfort in this bible verse (I'm not super-religious) but I posted it on this forum recently and a few people have commented on how much better it made them feel. It gave them hope.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’” (Jeremiah 29:11).

Please keep posting and hang in there. You can do this!

Bob

[RealMe]

But there is hope. Healing is a day-to-day process and that is what I'm going thru right now. Our D is not final, but things don't look good.

Thank you Bob. It is so nice when simple truths like that can quite literally put air back into your lungs. Thanks for helping me when you're in such a hard place of your own.

[RealMe]

Well...she texted last night and said she wants a divorce again. I called back she was very angry, very argumentative.

I listened. I validated. I accepted. I calmly kept it brief.

We then repeated the exact same this morning. She started with the texts, I called her back calm and serene- tried to talk to her like a friend would. Ended the call quickly. She called again after work, and I almost cut her off and said;

"Honey there is no fight to be found. I hear what you're saying and I accept it. Of course I'd prefer to work this out but I understand that you just can't and that's truly alright."

She stayed very quiet - and I filled the silence with a question about the girls piano. She replied warmly and we ended up having small talk/happy talk for a good 5 minutes. I ended the call wishing her a good evening.

I feel ....calm. It isn't an act- I haven't spun out at all. I'm almost relieved- for as crazy as that sounds, to have another chance at starting my DB journey over, this time much wiser.

I don't know if my fall of the DB wagon was the last straw or not- something tells me not (believe nothing she says and half of what she does- thanks Cadet). I'm going back to the LRT. I'm going back to goals I never share with her. I'm going back to 180's - but this time I feel so much more.... ..detached.

4 Days Sober (Emotions and Alcohol)

I picked up some records on the way home. I'm going to listen to them as the dusk proceeds.

I love you all.

[Wonka]

RealMe,

I am glad that you are out of your own abyss and feeling better. That was one scary moment for everyone.

I do sincerely hope that you'll stick with the AA program and maintain your sobriety. If you feel a wobble, please call your AA buddy anytime.

You handled the convo with W very nicely. Well done.

Slow. Steady. Calm.

[MrBond]

"Well...she texted last night and said she wants a divorce again. I called back she was very angry, very argumentative."

This is actually a good sign. And the way you handled it was great.

Keep up the cool and calm demeanor. Every now and then throw in some charm and that will throw her off guard.

[Joe46]

Well done Real Me!! I'm so glad you are doing better. Good job on 4 days sober! One day at a time!

[Di-mond]

So proud of you RealMe!!
I don't know if I could be as strong as you.
I'm actually terrified of seeing my husband, because I don't want to get all emotional.

[Bob723]

But there is hope. Healing is a day-to-day process and that is what I'm going thru right now. Our D is not final, but things don't look good.

Thank you Bob. It is so nice when simple truths like that can quite literally put air back into your lungs. Thanks for helping me when you're in such a hard place of your own.

You're welcome, RealMe! I know what you mean. I have had others post "simple truths" and it does seem to put air back into your lungs!

And, our friend MrBond is all over it again: "This is actually a good sign. And the way you handled it was great."

If I disagreed with MrBond, I would say so. RealMe, he's GOOD. The reason it is a good sign that she got argumentative is that it shows she still has some feelings for you. I'm sure you've heard that hate is the opposite of love. When our WAS is apathetic, then there may be no hope for the M.

You did handle the situation well. A small step forward but keep it up!

Your friend,

Bob