No idea if its a recognised idea, my (first - I had two over 4 months) councillor recommended it to me as a way of stopping myself bottling things up.
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
I had a happy evening tonight with a man who I met last year, who'd scheduled a lesson with me. We stood around chatting for a while after; light convo and when he asked about my H I said simply we are getting a D, and we stood around chatting some more about other things. He invited me to grab a bite. I liked him when I met him last year - good humor, energy. I remember thinking of the contrast between him and my depressive H at that party. We had a nice dinner, no drinks, and I was happy realizing what it felt like to not carry the weight of a conversation. To be having dinner with a man who was passionate and aggressively intelligent, almost arrogant, enthusiastic and happy. He reminded me of my best friend from college quite a bit. Professor/scientist. I enjoyed being out so much. We scheduled our next class and I had a nice text waiting when I was home. To be pursued is nice.
I finished a big work project yesterday and am looking forward to an easy day tomorrow. Lunch with a vendor, happy hour with a friend and then casual dinner at home with another friend and a guest she's hosting. It is raining men. Between the porn star, and tonight, and the other invites...do I get GAL points for being open to receiving the signals of the Universe?
I love my home, my cat and my dog. I'm cuddled up with them.
Life will be good without the creep formerly known as my H. Still deciding on whether or not to push for papers or let him handle on his timeline.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
Just sent H an email asking him when he would be ready to sign financial agreement and dissolution.
I wanted him to drive this thing, but that was before he told me he'd like to be sleeping around and had no interest in thinking about things. Before I saw him without his mask and realized what end was up. It is ok for me to say I want my divorce. This is not a marriage worth standing for anymore. The fat lady will sing.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
it is up to you how you handle the paperwork. If you need this completed to protect yourself financially, or if you need closure with a signature, then there you go.
i am glad you are going out and having a good time. That IS the point of life, something that many here have forgotten and need to get off of the couch and make happen. i am so excited for you the way you have started to focus on you again.
Just sent H an email asking him when he would be ready to sign financial agreement and dissolution.
I wanted him to drive this thing, but that was before he told me he'd like to be sleeping around and had no interest in thinking about things. Before I saw him without his mask and realized what end was up. It is ok for me to say I want my divorce. This is not a marriage worth standing for anymore. The fat lady will sing.
You can say either that you do or you don't and it is ok. Here for you Z whatever you decide.
Have whatever aria you want.
(((((((((Z))))))))))) V
Last edited by Vanilla; 04/17/1505:50 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
V, zephyr, thanks so much for the support. I need it.
Every once in a while I start to doubt what I know. And think of my poor H that felt so unloved and wonder about the truth I thought I found when I started DR - about how jackal I'd been.
And then I try to imagine him calling and saying he has thought about things (hope!) and I imagine how id feel laying next to him at night and in public and trying to not be suspicious of everything. And I know this is irreparable. Like you said, V, I know what I know.
Hugs to you, as well. Sorry to hear about the snag with your IC.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
No one is perfect, of course, everyone has the odd Jackal moment. Maybe your poor H did feel unloved on occasion, but we grow up and know love is conditional as adults.
H had a choice to say, "Z right now I feel unloved". H had many choices Z.
People can change, your H can change if he wants to. His choice Z. There is a lot of work needed to do to grow and change, he might in time do that. Z it is your choice to stand for Z.
I dare say the IC sitch is for the best and I will end up with something much more suited to my needs. So I should reframe it to an opportunity.
Tons
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Patience Z - interesting your H has not responded. My H isn't responding atm, and I have been practicing patience and not mind-reading for a while now. You're welcome to join the club.
What I would say at this stage is - don't expect your H to lead anything. If you want to file - go ahead and file. If you want to wait and see how this unfolds, do that. But have no expectations of your H to lead.
I just keep trying to take the long view - what will sit well with me in 2,3,5 years time.
Good luck to you....((Z))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
