As Cadet mentioned when you joined, I am sorry you are here but you will get some great advice. The folks on this forum truly care and try to assist.
Your subject caught my attention because my wife of 13 1/2 yrs has a very hardened heart. She filed for D 5 months ago. I was hurting her emotionally and did not realize it, of course.
Please do your best to back off and give her a little space. Also, try to take things 1 day at a time. I have my ups/downs, but doing so does help.
By the way, I see MrBond asked if you have read DB or DR. His advice is always solid!
Regards,
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Hello Mrbond. Yes I have read DR. good stuff. I have read so many books lately to try and understand myself better and become a better person. I have taken great joy from many of the discoveries I have made in doing so. I have become a shoulder and friends looking for advice on bettering themselves after seeing the profound improvements I was lucky enough to realize in myself. it has given me strength through this. Thank you for your interest.
Hello Bob. Yes I was emotionally abusive to my wife when I was overly angry. I did not forgive her for her hurting me so many years ago and let it grow into resentment. a horrible thing to have hiding inside you and used to hurt the one you love the most. I have really been trying to learn how to forgive fully, completely, from the soul. I do not want that hidden inside of my like a bomb waiting to go off. And thank you for your advice and I also wish you well.
Also my wife has said to many of our friends she has seen the changes but she is afraid I will turn back to what I was becoming in a few months if she were to jump back in. I do not blame her. I also need time to make sure I can overcome my resentments and learn to fully forgive. it will be a long road but is the proper road.
You're vey welcome. I feel the same way about my situation as you do yours. Amazing how similar.
I want to learn how to forgive as well. True forgiveness, I've learned, means "the debt has been paid in full."
Thank you for your kind sentiment.
Keep posting as much as you can.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Hello again. Very confusing. How uncomfortable being here trying to read between the lines. Drop daughter off and make small talk, laugh a bit then I gotta run and say bye to all and go. Well texts start rolling in. So I don't want a relationship, so I don't want any communicating. I say I am just giving her what she wants. Well more texting and basically she wants to keep communicating and be friends. Says just wants everybody to be happy. Talks about relationship and says she gave in to many times and won't now. Says it took years to get here and couldn't just keep doing the same cycle. I tell her I don't expect her to give in nor go back to the same relationship. That I just want everyone to be happy. Just giving her what she wants. I get sorry she wasn't the wife I needed. She was a bad wife. Well I may have fell into that trap and replied she was a good wife. That's why I fought as hard as I did. That I did want her. That I had hurt her but never not wanted her. And then said I just am giving her what she wants and I'm starting to look for what I want. Well that's where it sits now. Think she was fishing and I bit? Thanks.
Hi again. Was reading somewhere that sand I said these waw follow a script. And sandi was a waw. Great insight! Hope I can get some advice from her! Lol. Anyway I think mine is either trying to test her hold on me or she is trying to keep me soft for the legal agreement stuff. I know she filed months ago but has not served. She has been given very one sided advice from some family that does not know me and cut herself off of the side that does. Has built a strong support network. I know she struggles with it but think she is so far down this road that the climb back is way harder than to keep killing what is left. Anyway bye for now.
Yes mrbond I read it. Most of my actions were being less reactive. Understanding myself and the things my actions and words can do or mean. I would always justify my actions even if they were wrong. But those things are for me. In regards to dr I figured I only had the last resort method and 180s for my sitch. I have learned to think before I speak and think about my actions. Less reactions. More inner me.
I have also looked at all the areas in my mr that I could have improved on and learning ways to improve them. I have become"friends" with my children and understand them as such instead of just giving my advice or instructions as a "parent" . Found the best of both worlds.
