Sounds like you had fabulous time in Vegas! At least, you didn't try to sneak into the Chippendales show.
Originally Posted By: Georgiabelle
Some days are better than others. I still fight the "ugliest girl in the world syndrome" although that's been better as of late. I am trying desperately to prevent my daughter from inheriting "this."
Fer cryin' out loud, you said you looked like Drew Barrymore IRL...that's not the "ugliest girl" by long shot! You are beautiful, sexy, and FUNNY!
I always read up on your sitch thinking .. I wish I was that strong. I think the way you carry yourself there is no way that you and "your luggage" will not be fully accepted just as that individual said ... I do believe certain people are put in our lives at certain times, and maybe this guy was meant to just set you straight on that
I had to google the black bodycon dress thing ... and let me tell ya .. us guys are suckers for that look ... keep rockin it.
Thanks, Wonka, Cali, and GG. Wonka, I don't *really* think that...it's just an overall feeling I get when I'm having a difficult day. Will anyone want me again? Am I good enough? Theoretically, I know I am and sometimes I struggle with that feeling of "what's wrong with me?" I have felt a bit more even keel the last few weeks and I appreciate that. Hope I didn't just hex myself:)
Cali-Thanks for your kind words:) Dudes love the bodycon dresses. When you wear them, you have to own the fact that your esophagus is wrapped around your larynx because those things suck you in like a Dyson.
GG-It is a nice feeling-I agree. I just haven't felt like I have *needed* it as much lately. I suppose that's a good thing. I'm not sure.
X Mr. GB continues to be friendly-suggesting I watch certain shows (I don't really have time but the suggestions are nice enough ), sending dog pics, and funny stories. Sometimes I respond. Sometimes I don't. Right now, in the words of that one hit wonder, Gotya, he just seems like somebody that I used to know. I know that will change in time.
I was GALing with a bottle of Apothic with my bf Sat night. She knows x Mr. GB and she posed a question. She said, "What if he came to you one day and said he was sorry. Would you consider making it work?"
Isn't that what every LBS wants? The WAS to come and ask for forgiveness and say they made a mistake?I think the likelihood is greater that a real life polar bear is out in my yard than that, but I told her I would play along. I said I would say I appreciate the apology but he must have fired me for a reason. I always go back to the fact that the entire time I was with x Mr. GB that I always wondered what would happen if I got sick. I always *knew" he wouldn't be able to take care of me. Not that he wouldn't want to-simply he doesn't have the capacity. And that's okay. He's not a bad person-not by a long shot. Yes, he hurt me, his parents, and his kids. However, it's his way of dealing with life and it's not my place to pass judgment on him. I'll leave that to bigger powers.
Otherwise..not too much happening here. I continue to read along and chime in when I feel the need. Some posts break my heart. I feel especially sad for those who think their S will "snap out of it." Why? I did too. It's also difficult to read about the people holding on with a death grip. Ugh. I understand their pain, but they truly need to let it go.
Disney in 2 weeks, peeps. Hang in there. It will get better. Wonka, I have a story to post just for you in the near future...Just not yet.
Sending everyone positive vibes!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I always go back to the fact that the entire time I was with x Mr. GB that I always wondered what would happen if I got sick. I always *knew" he wouldn't be able to take care of me. Not that he wouldn't want to-simply he doesn't have the capacity
Aw, man - that was me too! My ex had a lot of good qualities, but I always figured I couldn't count on him if a catastrophic illness hit (actually, while not catastrophic, he couldn't even deal with my thyroid problems.) Now I'm with a man who would do anything for me OR my family. He has nursed a sick adult child when I had to work, I'm pretty sure if my mom became demented he'd be right there with me changing diapers, you name it he would do it out of love for me. It's so refreshing.
Have I ever told you guys that I need to be called on my caca? You guys do and a couple of my friends will, but for the most part people don't. I'm a little embarrassed about this next post. However, for authenticity and growth purposes, I think I need to share.
So I still see HG from time to time. We chat. I believe it was Bea who said when we are damaged, then we attract damaged people. I do agree. However, I have built this very nice 14 foot steel wall around my 5'4 self that surely I am safe, right? I can't let anyone hurt me so I will just shoot out a grenade from time to time if necessary.
I behaved badly yesterday(very)and went for the jugular with my sword as my friends call it. Without going into too much detail, I assumed HG was a way that he's not. He works in an industry which has lots of women fawning over and he said "that doesn't happen to me." To which I replied, "BS, HG. You are a freaking ___. You get more booty than a toilet seat." (That's the inner GB with all of the guy friends coming out)
He said to me, "WTF is wrong with you? I'm not you. I don't have people chasing after me. I've been rejected so much that I it is too much to handle." And some other stuff. That bravado that he had that I felt was false, came down like a house of cards. And I felt bad because I "assumed" this person was a certain way to keep myself safe. And this person has been hurt too.
I don't say this because I want to fix this. I say this because this person sees me in a way that I don't see myself and I saw him in a way the he doesn't see himself. And he has been hurt too. I was wrong to mind read and assume anything. I see many posters feeling "left behind" and that's normal. I see myself as rejected too. But everyone can feel rejection and we never know what someone feels unless we share. It's difficult to explain.
I don't know. I'm skipping parts of this but it was an eye opener for me. I still have much to learn.
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 03/24/1512:59 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Yeah ... I can kind of relate. I think people make assumptions often, many look cool and calm on the surface but no one really knows the hurt that they have buried deep down. We all have our demons that we do not really let out .... just seems to happen when people get closer. I recall there is a saying about this but its just to early ...lol
And in the category of things that make you go hmmmmmm......
X Mr. GB and I had our best exchange this am since S. We shared a laugh about a friend of mine throwing a party for someone, a few news events, and chuckled over a few kid stories. I go to my car and thought "being pleasant is what is best for my little peeps. I'm good. This was a good exchange (albeit all 10 minutes)The universe has a way of working things out"
X Mr. GB texts me a couple of hours later that his account is empty and can he borrow back $200 of child support until the 1st. He will redeposit then. And then I realized...nope. The man is not a grown up.
Oh well. You just gotta laugh:)
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 03/25/1505:38 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
