I'm with Starsky. I didn't know those games existed. Perhaps I am naive.
From the post that Starsky quoted, it seemed like a good morning and a good night. Does today not give you any hope? If so, why?
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
I can imagine a single future and look forward to it, imagine being happier even. I've even planned out my travels. But imagining an R with another man? Makes me feel queasy.
For a couple of months at the beginning, I thought that every woman was ugly. I would look at actresses in make up ads and think that they were ugly. I remember being set up on a blind date early and spending a lot of time wondering what life would be with this new person (I was not even attracted, it was a thought experiment) and realizing all that it implies: new habits, new taste in clothes and music, new in-laws, new history. I really didn't like that. I can't say where I stand on this, but I no longer think that all women are ugly.
Originally Posted By: susana4
I'm reading NMMNG and omg this is my h.
Oh yes. I noticed that.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Hi there, Susana. I get it, purgatory stinks. If you don't feel like anything is changing or moving, it can be frustrating to those of us used to getting it done and who love controlling outcomes.
I've been thinking lately, maybe your H could really benefit from a good dose of missing you. Especially since he's still so appreciative, into you. Who knows, what say you? When is your Romania trip?
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
Thanks guys and sorry for not being more appreciative of my sitch. I know, logically, that things are going fairly "well" (as well as sitches go, of course).
I'd say that I don't feel positive because of H saying no when I asked him to come back to the bed, but truth be told I was feeling like this for the last couple of weeks before that setback. It's like I had a little flame of hope that burned itself out, and now I don't know how to re-light it and I can't seem to find any matches. Does anyone have a flint and steel handy?
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
It's like I had a little flame of hope that burned itself out, and now I don't know how to re-light it and I can't seem to find any matches. Does anyone have a flint and steel handy?
Maybe the best thing is to figure out how to move in a different direction.
I for one am pretty sure you can not LOVE them back into a relationship.
Really their is no going backwards into what was, you need a new relationship and marriage even if it is with him.
Hi there, Susana. I get it, purgatory stinks. If you don't feel like anything is changing or moving, it can be frustrating to those of us used to getting it done and who love controlling outcomes.
I've been thinking lately, maybe your H could really benefit from a good dose of missing you. Especially since he's still so appreciative, into you. Who knows, what say you? When is your Romania trip?
I agree with this. ^^ I still think you're smothering him, Susana, and I can guar-an-damn-tee you that if WE can feel the "nothing he does is quite good enough" vibe from you, HE feels it 10x over.
I don't think it's your over-analysis of everything as much as it is -- after you analyze it -- you usually find what he does for you wanting, coming up short.
If I were your H, I would feel like "there's no pleasing that woman" sometimes.
Cadet - that's a good point. I am feeling a little stagnant right now, I need to move in a new direction (maybe a literal move...towards Eastern Europe...ha!). Interesting point about not being able to love someone back, I've heard that here before and it makes sense but on the other hand how do we reconcile that against unconditional love? My coach was talking today about the importance of unconditional love.
Starsky - "nothing he does is quite good enough" vibe from you - that's a really good point and got me thinking, I am guilty as charged. And timely too as I saw it as I was about to get on a call with my DB coach. She didn't think I am smothering but she did think I might be sending this vibe. This is where we got into a discussion of unconditional love. I know I feel internally like nothing I do is good enough, and therefore nothing in the world is good enough...and probably that makes H feel like nothing he does is good enough... Wow. One of my pieces of homework from IC this week is "thought challenging" critical/negative thinking.
Zelda - You know, this could be an unintended but positive side effect of my trip... I leave Saturday morning for Romania. I am gone for a week and then he is going to his great aunt's either the day before I get back or just after. So I won't see him for 7 to 9 days. I think I am leaving him with a good memory because we had a nice evening last night and this morning for his bday (he loved the card I gave him - Wonka, I did as you suggested and got a personal card!). I have no idea if he'll miss me or if I'll ever even know but it wouldn't be a negative side effect.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
LOVE is unconditional, yes. But MARITAL BOUNDARIES should NOT be.
From my personal archives:
LOVE is unconditional.
FORGIVENESS, too (or -- better -- it is a CHOICE, a DECISION).
RELATIONSHIPS . . . and certainly MARRIAGES . . . I don't believe they are.
It's a MYTH, and I think it's a potentially dangerous one. Marriage is UNDERGIRDED by love -- maybe even unconditional love -- but the marriage contract itself, does that not have all KINDS of conditions?
Would you remain married to your wife if she abused puppies? Did illegal drugs in your home, in front of your children? Was involved in human trafficking? Or would you say "I will ALWAYS love you, but I cannot remain MARRIED to you!" ?
Adultery falls SOMEWHERE on that spectrum for each of us . . .somewhere in-between "abusing puppies" and "you snore too much," lol.
I repeat: LOVE is unconditional. MARRIAGE certainly is NOT. At least it shouldn't be, in my opinion.
