Devotion To A Dream

[phunguy]

Today was a total detach day no contact from me and plans for GAL in the evening for run club! Ran my longest run ever tonight!!

However at about six I see missed call from W call back she asks me if I picked up D3 I told her no that she told me she would. I asked her several times yesterday if she wanted my help. She said no each time. Then in this call she said. I said I would. Haha is she serious??? I say W I asked you and you said no and so I did not pick her up if you recall you specifically told me that you're u could handle everything and you didn't need my help. She said well I just thought the last conversation was that you would. I asked her why she was not remembering our conversation she couldn't answer. Why is she trying to play games with me? I said well I've got to go now see ya and hung up. I suppose that may have been her way of checking up on me to see what I was up to. Or she genuinely forgot either way what a great day for me! Setting personal goals and achieving them one step at a time!!! Ow my legs!!!

[phunguy]

Today's inspiration:

A great attitude becomes a great mood.
A great mood becomes a great day.
A great day becomes a month.
A great month becomes a great year.
A great year becomes a great life.
Make it great one moment at a time.

[NH115]

I'm copying that to my phone

[phunguy]

Sandi2
If the H would understand how important it is not peruse, cushion, and cater to the WW, and in fact, should act as if he is a WAS and is dumping her........it would reverse things real fast.

Going back and re-reading my thread...

This stuck out at me as there was one thing I seem to have neglected to relay about Saturday prior to ML. She was on the patio and when I was telling her about how disappointed I was, I did lose it a bit and raised my voice and told her "I HATE YOU! How can you do this to your daughter???" because she was going out and not to the party at the ChuckEcheese.

Was it then that something switched in her possibly? That she saw she was losing me to some degree and she may have panicked thus, giving in to her urges and trying to reel me back in? It certainly would make some sense. But I'm sure I'm reading way too much into all of this. I have not brought it up to her nor will I. But I am trying to understand what have transpired. And am trying to figure out the next phase of my plan to get her back.

Another thing. No discussion last night when I got home she was asleep or in her room pretending to be, said nothing to her this AM, waved good bye. No contact at all today during work hours and none planned. This evening I will continue to detach and speak to her only if she wants to. Working the 37 best i can everyday!

[phunguy]

Tonight was not a good night W wanted to and did talk about D. She said she doesn't want to make me hurt anymore. I told her I've accepted what's happened and am prepared to go forward with or without her. That I'm not going to sit around and wait for her. She said that made her feel good. Like she's somehow waiting for me to be ok with this? I told her that was her just being selfish to make herself feel good. That this was all her that this is all about her. She said we could work on the papers this weekend. I told her I could have the papers drawn up and we could review them or she could and then we'd just have to go file them. She said she would be fine with that and then she went outside and I could see her crying while she smoked her cig. Another thing I've come to realize is that since I quit smoking a year ago we stopped having those conversations when we smoked together.

Im going to miss her but at this point I'm fairly certain she's not the woman I fell in love with anymore. I don't know who this woman is. I suppose that I hurt her too much. But in the end she had her revenge I guess.

[phunguy]

After our conversation last night I texted her and asked her if she was ok? Since I was in the bedroom and she was down stairs and I knew she was crying and upset. She said she was very emotional but didn't want to talk anymore. I said I am too, I was just checking in on her.

I told her this morning as we were getting ready for the day. I know it's 6:30AM but I was thinking that we didn't have to get a divorce for her to go and figure out what she wants if she was unsure because she was emotional last night. I told her she could move out and get an apartment for a while, if that's what she needs to do. She said "you keep going back and forth", I told her I didn't have any control in this and it was all about her and her feelings. I was just going with the flow.

It's like she wants me to do everything so she can not feel like the bad guy in all of this? This is BS. She refuses to take any responsibility for this situation, take any action, or make any plans.

[sandi2]

It's like she wants me to do everything so she can not feel like the bad guy in all of this? This is BS. She refuses to take any responsibility for this situation, take any action, or make any plans.

You're just now getting it?

Be careful. I think you've handled yourself much better than the usual newcomer. However, you came close to backsliding last night. It's difficult b/c you still love her very much, but when you said she could live in an apartment for a while.....you meant you would help finance it, right? To me, that's the same as financing her love nest to conduct her A.

[phunguy]

Oh no! I'm just seeing it more clearly.I'm trying! For some reason I keep wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt(me in denial?) and the love I have for her clouds my vision. But I believe the fog lifted considerably this week. Especially since this past Sat.

I was up early Sun.(couldn't sleep as usual when she isn't home) and noted that her friend T was on Facebook early as I was Sun morning. About 6AM. If T was out drinking w/W and W was at her house, no way she's up at 6 looking at FB. So I just put 2 and 2 together and saw what she did this weekend to me and to her D3 on her birthday. She was w/OM Sat. night!!!!!!!!!

I swear I'm this close to just hiring the attorney and giving her the pain she seeks!

She would be on her own no money from me.

[phunguy]

Last night was interesting, was sitting on the couch after putting the kids to bed, and was about to go to go to my room but W wanted to discuss her day. I validated, showed interest, and let her talk. She was again for some odd reason interested in my work, asking me questions about my job. She's done this twice now. The last time was a few weeks ago, twice in roughly a month, she has not been interested in my job for years! Temp checking?

Then she wanted to discuss plans for the weekend, she just wants to chill, told her we have two soccer games for S8 on Sat and church Sun. She suggested we go out for dinner Sat after soccer, I said that sounds like a good idea. That I was going out tonight, she said running club? I said yes, she said "I'm glad I could inspire you to go do something."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME????? Made me sooooooo angry! But I said nothing and let it alone.

Then this AM getting ready for work she says she wants to go open a bank account this weekend. I said that sounds like a good idea. Told her to have a good day and left for work.

[phunguy]

Today she decides she going to open a bank account. I tell her go ahead I don't care what she does. Then some kind of twist she pulls like she's sorry for me, I'm thing to make this amicable to work with you bunch of crap! I lost control a bit and raised my voice at her and told her these are all her decisions, she's the one causing all these problems, refusing to work on the M, refusing to communicate for years( she of course says she tried talking to me, lol!), refusing to abide by her vows. She then tells me she was going to do something nice for me but not now! lol I laughed and told her not to threaten me I don't want her to do anything for me, and to just leave me alone. Stop trying to lead me on. I've had enough! I'm sick of her [censored]!