Wow, it's hard to hear how much pain you're in this morning, Maybell. I won't respond point-for-point because I know you know many of the answers, in your heart. I know that because you've wisely advised me when I've posted similar things.
Keep in mind - you don't have to figure out the next 15 years in one day! That would scare me to think about that, too I know it's hard for you to see through all of the muck being heaved on you lately, but you're doing an amazing job at life right now. You're focused on the shortcomings (failed M, blow-ups with D11, AWOL WAH, etc.), but we've all been inspired by your victories (restarting a career, steadily piecing together a parenting plan for D11, still being a charismatic, attractive person to those around you IRL who aren't completely self-absorbed). Everyone on this planet has victories and failures everyday. In that way, we're all the same. The question is, which will you focus on? That is where you have a choice, even though it's impossible not to be affected by the trauma.
Can you find one thing today that you can focus on that gives you joy, even for 5 minutes? I had some nasty thoughts this morning about WAW and her A. I had to force myself to think of something joyous. I settled on how D2 has the cutest lisp right now. I've been enjoying it lately because I just finally turned her carseat to forward facing. Now I can see her face in the mirror, and she can see stop signs coming. "Thtop thign daddy! Thtop at the thtop thign!"
Take care today! Emphasis on today.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
I think Card is right Maybell. Stick to what's happening this week, or until the end of the month. Anything else? Well, that's later and I'll deal with it then...
Maybe cut yourself a bit of slack. You don't have to sort and decide on everything right now. You can maybe 'drift' for a few days if you want to. Meditate.
There are also some victim phrases in there. Maybe something else to think about. We know Maybell isn't a victim. She's a strong, self-assured and lovely woman...
Hope tomorrow is better....((Maybell))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I was talking to my counsellor the other day about the light at the end of the tunnel. I said I couldn't see it ... but I know it's there.
As Card & Toots have said do not think about the future just now. In fact any big things that come up, chunk 'em down. DB says that, Feel the Fear says that, even Tony Robbins says that. I know it's not easy, I'm terrible at it.
And don't forget you are a wonderful person and a fab mother. I'm sure I speak for everyone on here when I say we all love what you have to say on here and we are sorry you're having a rough time of it.
C'mon girl, get with the program. Do something radical that will shift your train of thought for a while.
Old Dog xx
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
Got myself up early this morning and made scones for breakfast for the kids.
Hustled the boys out the door early so I could walk them to school and myself to work -- exercise for the day, check. Already feeling the benefit of that little bit of movement.
Got into the office and immediately dealt with the thing that was most bothering me -- which miraculously resolved as I was dealing with it. Hooray!
I've gotten my head around the likelihood that things will be challenging for a little while longer than I'd hoped, and if that's how it plays out, well, most likely there will be unexpected bonuses along the way to compensate.
All will be well.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
When you can't trust people to be objective and it's not a good question to ask a paid professional, where do you go for a wise, objective sounding board on important decisions?
I've identified a couple of rentals that MIGHT be good options for the next year or two but I'm hesitant to start moving these steps forward. I'm not really ready to move, but seriously, will I ever be?
I envy those with a helpful parent or other relative who can talk through these decisions with them. I have tons of friends and various advisors but none feels like the right person to discuss this particular issue. (One might be but she's overwhelmed with her own life at the moment.).
Guess it's time to pull up my BGP and make my own decisions, for better or worse.
BTW, my co-worker said one of these things she does to "get her sassy back" is to have a drawer full of sassy undies for the days when she needs a boost. So I intend to update my wardrobe.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Maybell - Are there any older folks at your church that you can turn to for this type of thing? Perhaps your pastor can hook you up.
My experience may be a little skewed, I go to an old school Lutheran church where the average age is probably about 75 (I prefer the traditional music - and I like going with my parents).I look around the sanctuary sometimes and think what a wealth of experience is sitting under that roof.
Maybell, you are always welcome to lean on the boards as well for feedback with regard to finding a new place. I've been sad about letting go of my own house, mainly because I worked so hard to get it and fix it up, but I'm also excited about the prospect of a place of my own. I hope the next step will be a positive adventure for you!
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
I'm thinking of hard core logistics like timing. I think it's time to start moving forward -- be prepared to move no later than May 1st and list the house at that time. The mortgage looks like I need to let time pass before I can qualify and a few other things need to be put in place with the settlement, so getting myself into a rental by May is probably the most comfortable course of action for now. It means I'll have to move twice but I don't think that's avoidable.
Fortunately the kids are taking all this as an adventure.
He's such a jerk. I wouldn't have needed to move at all till I wanted to if we'd just rented instead of buying when we moved here. Why didn't I insist? I rarely insisted on anything with him. My gut is smarter than I am. GAH.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I know it's hard for you to see through all of the muck being heaved on you lately, but you're doing an amazing job at life right now. You're focused on the shortcomings (failed M, blow-ups with D11, AWOL WAH, etc.), but we've all been inspired by your victories (restarting a career, steadily piecing together a parenting plan for D11, still being a charismatic, attractive person to those around you IRL who aren't completely self-absorbed). Everyone on this planet has victories and failures everyday. In that way, we're all the same. The question is, which will you focus on? That is where you have a choice, even though it's impossible not to be affected by the trauma.