I guess its the fact that I see/feel something wrong with it. Just a bit of a 'me' session here. The past few weeks understandably I have had one eye on the calendar looking at the mediation date and the other eye seems to suffer from being cross eyed and can not see much clearly. I have felt my faith drift a bit, to be honest it was easier giving W and my M to God and having faith it would all work out..... provided it would work out what want I wanted it, well that's just not how it works and I guess in a way I had a little part of me say F it I am gonna do what I think I want .. turns out, I do not want to date. Sure we had fun, it was nice to have someone want me .... but this is not what I want. So yeah I was honest with this girl, have been from the start and I told her last night (She TM asking how I was ... implying a second date .. etc) that though I had a great time ... its just not time for me, she appreciated the honesty and I actually felt very relieved and felt this was the right thing to do. I have enough going on in my life and "Ain't nobody got time for Dat" ... I have my hands full with S's sports, my own, and finishing up my RCIA journey I really have no time for and R nor am I ready .. it was a GAL experiment and I do not want to give anyone false hopes... I am a riot when I go out, I have fun ... but there is a "No Vacancy" sign as far as any relationships go ... its just the way it is right now.
I received an email from the mediator yesterday ... W pushed the date back another 2 weeks to a a.m. meeting, I replied that mornings do not work for me, I would like afternoon meeting as was scheduled for the 11th, so now we are back to finding another time. According to the mediator W pushed it back because her neck is still not 100%, not reading into this ... just taking it for what it is. I dropped off S this morning had PMA going well, asked how she was .. still sore .. she gave me a hug, gingerly .. but still a hug. Again .. not reading into it .. I left and came into work.
Nothing really moving .. W should hit PMS-ville next week which has seemed to bring out some reactions as of late .. as stated I track these like hurricanes it helps me prepare and separate real talks from the crazy hormone filled ones.
You felt it wasnt right because of who you are. And let's face it, you are still married.
That's why I say, finish your stuff. And yea, you arent near ready to start all of that. But you handled it in your wonderful Cali way. I am not at all surprised.
I have seen many, many people start to date before they were ready or done and it has always led to people being hurt on both sides.
So, get back on your path. You have some tough stuff coming up.
Cali- you sound great my friend. And as others have said you handled the date and follow-up with honesty. I think there's nothing wrong with that. I really believe that one of the big turning points is when you realize I your heart and soul that the marriage is over. That sounds terrible but those of us who are fixers AND are used to being successful in anything we set our minds to always have in the back of our mind that it's all going to work out in the end. We are convinced of that fact and it holds us back from completing our portion of the journey. That said, we can't get there until we get there. The acceptance of the finality and looking at the future through different lenses is very freeing. You are almost there, I can see it. And as Shining said- you're a serious catch! When the time is right- you will know. Rooting you on!!
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
So I have felt this weight lift after I feel like I have rejoined the path I am supposed to be on. No more testing the dating pool for me, cutting that tie was a huge relief and I once again feel at peace where my soul resides.
Yesterday W TM that she tweaked her neck again and was going home, was not sure if she would make it to S's game. I suggested to her she just rest, let me take S for the night, her quick reply "I don't want to be alone" I didn't touch that (in my head I shouted "well that was your choice")...once again confirming MLCrs hate being alone. I had brought up the switching nights a few weeks ago that it would be easier as his baseball is next to my place, practice ends around 7:30, he still needs to eat/shower and with her its another 30 minutes away and my softball nights are near hers I could drop off before or after my games depending on the time (Just easier on S and limits all the travel time he spends in the car with this sitch) .... she fought me on this (as it interferes with her plans) so I just let it go. She ended up agreeing and missed the game .. .S had a good game but was Mr Grumps .. I laughed at myself as a year or so ago I would not have had the patience to let him just get over it by himself (Yup Mr Fix-it has officially been benched). So I am assuming W will pick up S Thursday night at my softball game (close to her place) so I can avoid getting S home late, but at this point who knows she may back out of that one too.
Dropped off S this morning, she seemed better. We small-talked a bit, she asked about the dog and I thought I might take her up on the offer that she keep him for a week or two. Of course now she starts with excuses on how she can't take him (As I guessed, her offer was just a guilt ridden one) .. .so I calmly tell her no problem I will handle it. Then she suggested she had a friend who knew someone who might take the dog ... I got a touch stern and told her I was not giving up the dog. It frustrates me, this MLC thing ... its like the answer is often "toss the hands up / run/ give up/ avoid/ abandon" She felt the pressure and started getting tense, I simply just told her to have a good day and left. Driving to work the radio talk show I listen to was talking about people getting caught cheating, and of course one of the stories was similar to my sitch ... I felt a wave of anger, turned off the radio and just asked God for strength... helped a bit but was also alarming how quick it stung, how fast I was upset, and I thought to myself ... I may never get over this, I need to, but this wound is pretty deep and one I do need to address for me and my future.
Other than that ... same ole... very dim with W, talks only are concerning S. I have my container that has some of the furniture/tools/misc items (Ironically a cedar chest my father built that contains all our marriage stuff) I kept after the split is arriving tomorrow, gives me time to go through it, sell what I don't want to keep and start tossing out certain things that I just don't need/want. Getting ready for the move, I am nervous about the first couple months financially .. but I should be fine .. no more splurging. For Lent I gave up fast foods and sodas ... its helped force me to cook a bit more...saving money... I actually like eating real food, sure the fast food stuff is really convenient with all the driving and things going on with S and I, but its been a good choice for me eliminating that, however.... I could really go for an ice cold Dr Pepper .. but I will hold true and wait.
Ingredients: 1 pound(s) Italian Sausage (spicy) 4-6 Russet Potatoes :bite sized cubes 1 Onion :minced 1/4 cup(s) REAL bacon pieces 2 tablespoon(s) Garlic :minced 32 ounce(s) Chicken Broth 1/2 bunch(es) Kale (or Swiss Chard) :destem & cut/torn into bite sized pieces 1 cup(s) Heavy Whipping Cream 2 tablespoon(s) Flour Preparation
1. Brown sausage links in a sauté pan. 2. Cut links in half lengthwise, then cut slices. 3. Place sausage, chicken broth, garlic, potatoes and onion in slow cooker. Add just enough water to cover the vegetables and meat. 4. Cook on high 3-4 hours (low 5-6 hours) until potatoes are soft.
30 minutes before serving: 5. Mix flour into cream removing lumps. 6. Add cream and kale to the crock pot, stir. 7. Cook on high 30 minutes or until broth thickens slightly. 8. Add salt, pepper, and cayenne to taste.
source: myrecipes
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
You may, you may not. You may late be grateful this happened because of whatever door this has opened.
It does get easier to deal with, it doesn't hurt quite as much, you don't think about quite so often, you may even see the other side of it and if not condone, understand it a little better and maybe with some compassion.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
You may, you may not. You may late be grateful this happened because of whatever door this has opened.
It does get easier to deal with, it doesn't hurt quite as much, you don't think about quite so often, you may even see the other side of it and if not condone, understand it a little better and maybe with some compassion.
Ok I am going to try that one once I get settled in it really sounds good ... I am a big fan of the crockpot stuff as its pretty low maintenance and you can just put it all in before you leave .. come home ready to eat.
Yeah, I think it was a case where I thought I was over the hurt part, because its been some time since it has crossed my mind, however dealing with being exposed to that type of story in a movie or on the radio .... well I am not there and realize there is more to heal. I know she had an A, seems to be over or at least not nearly as glamorous as she probably fantasized about it. But hearing about it made my ears ring a bit. Thing of it is ... that was her choice, not mine. I get to a point that the A is often a part of all this, does not really justify it completely to me, however it did raise a question that I may one day need to address, if I can be big enough to fully forgive and let go of that.
As you said ... I am strangely grateful for it because I am at a fault honest enough to admit there is no way I would have done the changes I have to get to where I am headed without this happening, I know that for certain.
Cali if the affair, (her hooking up with a bottom feeding, mouth-breather) was your choice you're sort of an idiot.
Not to put too sharp a point on it: fact is we all had a part in the downfall of our marriage.
An affair, is a symptom, its a crappy one, its a horrible one, but its also just another step in a pattern of things that usually happen in a an unhappy or unfulfilling marriage.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Jack you always make me laugh with the straight up in your face way of putting things.
Yes I owned my part, but I think early on I tried to own hers too .. there is a difference and one I had to figure out. I think I have come some way in correcting a good deal of the mistakes I made, at first sure it was to 'win' her back, but I realized quickly those would not stick .. when I started doing them for me I became more at peace with this mess.
I still think the A was her get away ticket/exit strategy, currently she seems to be set on being alone, not sure if its just till the D is final, or if she actually realizes she needs to find herself, I hope for the later for her sake .. regardless of where we end up.
