Part 11 - contents may be different than

[Sotto]

Thanks Edz. I think some days I just get bogged down, and wish the whole thing was over...or hadn't happened at all. Mostly I'm pretty good, which I think isn't bad at this stage - but sometimes it just gets to you.

In my sitch, I have so little contact with H. I just have no idea what's going on. I suppose it's good in some ways - I have no idea of what may be happening with OW. So I don't have to deal with that all the time. But in other ways - there's just virtually no link there now.

When we do talk, we can at least talk, so that's a good thing. And we have warm convos. But the timescales are just so extended with these sitches, and it's tough just not knowing what he may be up to, where he might be up to and what he's thinking. And I know I shoudn't be focusing on him at all. And mostly I do pretty well detaching, and am in a fairly calm place.

Anyway, just venting a bit....sorry to be taking room up in your sitch..

[edz]

No probs toots, all are welcome in my threads

Yes know what you mean some issues but generally doing well here still detached no nights in tears most days fine and carry on carrying on but right now oh I dont know, is it just I'm not convinced w will want to move forward (or will thing blow up) and I want to look to a future shared with someone.

Mmm for now I'll carry on baking my own cake (not a euphemism ) and wait to see what happens

[T-Mom]

Hello, toots and edz! I really impressed at the fortitude that you both have. This stuff about not thinking about them is a tricky one.

I am in the very beginning of H not living here. His relocation is, by no means, permanent. It is "until finding something else." So who knows what or when that will be... and with whom? That's the killer for me. I feel like I can handle just about anything but his being with an OW. He is needy, so it is probably just a matter of time. Although, maybe he'll surprise everyone and take this opportunity to grow up.

The important part truly is about focusing on our goals, and happinesses... don't think that is really a word, but it fits so well! LOL.

[edz]

Hi t-mom

Welcome. Anything I can do to help I'm happy to. It is indeed difficult but gal can help as toots has said. In my case at the beginning I was codependent as well so found it incredibly difficult, thats what brought me to think of dB as more for working on me.

I'll try and catch up on your sitch and pop over

[jim0987]

Hi edz, I've been out with a mate this evening and have just got back to realise that we cross posted and I've left confusion in my wake.

To explain my more complex comment - I'm doubting whether another relationship would be more complex, in fact in a lot if ways it would be simpler. Please note I'm advocating here.

Ive had two relationships in my life and to be honest the first couple of years of those were pretty easy. Where they got harder was in part through my lack of skills to meet my own needs or address concerns in healthy ways. This is the stuff im learning as I grow now (didn't do any if this after 1st relationship) and so I'm better prepared for the future.

Their are complications with STBXW but we already live completely separate lives so that's no more complex than now.

This is compared to trying to piece a M back together and overcoming the mistrust and hurt and all the spiteful and/or downright crazy things that have been said or done. All before we even start to worry about reaction of friends and family or dealing with the financial fallout.

No scenario is straightforward it has to be said,

[jim0987]

As for the relationship talks, I'm not sure it's a good idea.

You seem to be building your positive communications which is really good. Rather than thinking about the end goal what do you think the next step would be?

Maybe another nice day out like your ikea trip? Or maybe its engaging more with W over the schooling?

Sorry if you've said and I've forgotten but do you know your WS love language?

[edz]

Hi mate no planned r talks just really looking for advice to stop me internalising the question. Staying with the current plan at the moment and going with what works.

W is laying low from me in the week, deliberate or because she's busy with s 24/7 I can't say but she is contacting me on a daily basis even if its for small things or connected to s. Have to be careful to not build expectations though. I think bonding through my demonstration of continually building r with s is helping but I dont want to make that about w as its about s and I so I'll offer to involve w in activities with no hassle if she says no, a no strings approach.

She's tricky for ll, acts of service and time are the mains with some gifts although she's not too materialistic.

[Vanilla]

Did someone mention cheese.........

I have given up cheese as I am going to be exercise and body build! vanilla. Now I can not stop thinking about cheese. How do I stop thinking about cheese? Cheeeeeese

I must detach from cheese. I must stop talking about cheese, how do I get some cheese in my life? I want the old cheese not the new cheese. The old cheese is blue and smelly but I love that cheese. new cheese has no appeal. I am waiting for the old cheese to want to be on my buscuit. In the meanwhile it is very runny away from me and my cheese knife. Will the old cheese want me and if it does will I really want to eat that cheese.

Oh my goodness, just suppose there was never any more cheese, what would I do? A life without cheese? No savoury bites, no pickle matching, no cheese.

But wait........

Here is a tunnel. Surely there is cheese at the end of it?

Must go look.

Hmmmm cheese I am coming to get you......

V

[edz]

Ha v
Very good indeed.

Well in the office again today so got to head off in a mo to get ready. And oh my another busy one coming up.

Was going to the gym tonight but picking up s now so have work, pick up some bits from the shops at lunchtime then back and pick up s for card event and then home so it will be 10 tonight by the time I stop! Will now go to the gym Sunday as will be at dads tomorrow.

No change in feelings today still the same. Well just keep swimming as dory said....

[gan]

Did someone mention cheese.........

I have given up cheese as I am going to be exercise and body build! vanilla. Now I can not stop thinking about cheese. How do I stop thinking about cheese? Cheeeeeese

I must detach from cheese. I must stop talking about cheese, how do I get some cheese in my life? I want the old cheese not the new cheese. The old cheese is blue and smelly but I love that cheese. new cheese has no appeal. I am waiting for the old cheese to want to be on my buscuit. In the meanwhile it is very runny away from me and my cheese knife. Will the old cheese want me and if it does will I really want to eat that cheese.

Oh my goodness, just suppose there was never any more cheese, what would I do? A life without cheese? No savoury bites, no pickle matching, no cheese.

But wait........

Here is a tunnel. Surely there is cheese at the end of it?

Must go look.

Hmmmm cheese I am coming to get you......

V

Best post EVER! (especially as I've just enjoyed some blue cheese with dinner. Now I am rethinking my cheese selection)