Part 11 - contents may be different than

[edz]

Well the bottle is see through, you may now make your own jokes

[edz]

Back from swimming, one word. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Getting into the pool was cold getting out and then (after getting changed, have to watch you lot) going to the car flipping freezing!

Got the dinner on the go, pork steaks with a chilli and pepper sauce with spiced rice and soy onions. Mmmmm

Then will be a hot bath.

On the whole not a great day, software team managed to break my remote connection software so no wfh till they resolve or get a new laptop to me never mind could do with the social aspect of being in there. Felt a little low in fits and starts today not directly w related or maybe was I'm not really sure.

A lot of contact from me to w today but almost all info, S's library return dates, confirming S's weekend plans. S called me at the office (split day today was in this afternoon) to ask about logon again as he was having an issue with his elearning he actually sorted it himself (typo) but was telling me what he was up to, when he realised I was at work (I always use mobile so its not obvious) he said oh ok never mind but I told him no it was ok he was more important and he finished, passed me to w - more info on s for weekend and a bit on decorating the apt (I dont get too involved in such conversations just validate) aaand thats it so far.

Should feel ok today, lots of people, gal, nice chat on the gym with people at the sports centre even a chat with two guys in the pool but nah feel a little shelved today, probably a low after sunday.

I have no expectations of anything coming of Sunday or of w cutting a path back to me any time soon if at all. I've lived alone for 6 going on 7 months so why is it bad this evening?

Ah well never mind

Bought myself a couple of e books two fiction and one on organising the disorganised child (s is great but scattered at times, w always said I didn't do enough to help him out so continuing my 180s).

Realised I still have the second volume of Michael Palin diaries to read too, got it just before bd then obviously got rather sidetracked.

So Ed status tonight..need to cheer up so in lieu of female company falling from the skies will have a bath a glass of rum and maybe a movie if I dont drop off first.

Catch you as the evening progresses...

[Dawn70]

I like what you said above about DBing for yourself. That is where I find myself as well. I discussed DBing with my IC this week and she was very supportive. She urges me to take whatever steps I need to get back to myself and I like that.

[jim0987]

Evening edz

I have a theory (shock horror I know)

That sounds like a good day in a whole bunch of ways and sometimes when you have that kind of day you feel more acutely what's missing. I think I said before I actually find I miss my wife more when I have the kids than when I dont because I'm in my family but she is missing, where as in other settings I notice less.

[edz]

Hi dawn.

Yes I think thats what it took me a while to understand! For me dB is about realising the changes possible in you to survive these sitches. For me they've made huge differences physically and mentally and helped me stay sane. The big win is of course the repair and strengthening in my r with s.

Will anything come of them with w? Well she's seen them thats clear from her attitude but will it mean a reconciliation, any ones guess. I think she's starting to see they aren't done to "trick" her or pretend I'm being better to just relapse this really is the way I am now. Just a question of if thats enough really.

I do believe (this evening aside) it will result in a happier me eventually though and never repeating actions that made me so sad and lonely before bd while still in r with w.

I'm glad you've had such a positive ic session, it makes all the world of difference when you come out feeling positive and with a clear idea of what to implement, you're doing well dawn

[edz]

Evening Jim

Oh yes (apart from the laptop grrrr) a good day. Nothing measurably wrong just feel ..... Meh really.

Know what you mean on missing w, not really when I have s but definitely if s and i do "family" things without her.

[gan]

I think 7-8 months might be one of those difficult time points when we really start to question where this is going. I kind of committed myself to 6 months and now I'm stretching beyond that. Feels kind of like I've entered the abyss.

[edz]

Hi g

Yes I know what you mean I sort of set myself a timeline based around next June as seeing where we've got to. Doesn't mean we can't make a decision before then but gives a reasonable time to get used to things and see if there's some grounds there.

At least thats the *current* plan

[Sotto]

The stockdale paradox approach suggests timescales aren't that helpful - if it's not x by July etc...as it sets an expectation of sorts. Best to just maintain that wider faith that things will work out well in whichever way.

Edz, sorry you didn't have the best day. IT problems are pretty discombobulating I feel too. But some days are just a bit bleugh. There are better ones around the corner.

Did you enjoy your steak dinner? Did BFT get any??

[edz]

Hi toots

My timescale was more to give me time to process and see what happens as I couldn't handle an open future back in august. Its getting less important to me as time goes on though and its more as you say a wider faith that things will develop some way.

Dinner was nice it was soy, chilli and pepper roasted pork steaks with rice with onion peppers and chilli sauce stirred into it. Was rather nice

Thanks toots