Singing in the Lifeboat

[daring]

Thank you UR for your words- my biggest emotional swings come when I see the kids being hurt by this process. I remember saying I would never let them go through this ( H did too). I'm sure he meant it at the time.

So wow- I just had a God moment. I was thinking about the post above and the words " you know your truth". And at that moment- I realized the way things unfolded were exactly as they were supposed to.
If I hadn't put so much work into building my practice up successfully, I woudn't be in a position to take care of my kids.
I would have had to turn their lives even more upside down- pull them out of school and possibly move. I also wouldn't have been able to bail us out of this IRS mess- they would have taken everything.
I know finances aren't the most important thing for the children but stability is, and after having the safety of their world rocked at least I don't have to make it worse.
I'm going to focus on the positive- that my purpose at that time was in preparation for now.

[job]

daring,
Everything happens for a reason, a reason we will not know until the time is right.

Continue to focus on the positives and uR is correct...you do know your truth.

You are in a good position to take care of your children and stability is very important. Finances will take a second place on the list after the children because you need a nest egg to fall back on and you have one, i.e., your practice.

Keep your focus on what is important...you and your children. Your h is clueless and you can't save him. He has to do that.

[uRworthy]

Daring, I believe with everything I have that things happen as they should. Even if we dont know why at the time.

Being able to provide whatever stability you can for your children during this difficult time, matters, D.

So does you doing what you were meant to do. That's important...because you matter, too.

[daring]

Job and UR- y'all are just awesome! Thank you thank you!

I feel like I've cycled through every possible emotion on my roller coaster in one day. I suppose that's expected when finalizing a D of a 24 year relationship ( 21 married). After processing everything I feel peaceful. I actually have compassion for STBX- something I haven't had since Sept. He is clearly struggling. I watched him try to think and process and choose his words/responses carefully during our conversation. But he's definitely still clueless and I will continue to let him go to navigate his journey. I still love him deeply. I hadn't been able to see and/or feel that for awhile. I also love him enough to let him go. I feel towards him like I might if I was watching my adult child struggle- and in many ways that's what is happening.
As I reflect back on our life- I've saved him a lot. Now he has to do it as you said Job.

UR yes- I matter too. Thank you for reminding me! And I have not one doubt I was meant to be a physician in my current specialty and location. I have experienced heartache and joy with my patients and I woudn't have it any other way as I feel my calling is to not only improve medical outcomes, but to connect with families and help make the painful journeys just a little easier. I know I'm where God wants me.

I'm in a good place at the moment. I'm sure I'll cycle like he!! over the next few weeks but will try to remember this peaceful moment and the purpose of this journey.

[CaliGuy]

Daring

You are doing so well, and like uR told me ... If you didn't have strong feelings about all thisbyoubwouldnt be human. It warned me to see you realize God has you right where you need to be, he did the same with me... Removed me from a job I was at for 17 years and blessed me with a much better job that pays better... Setting me up to provide for my son just as he has done with you. One can find peace when they realize He cares so much to set these things up in advance... I shudder at the thought of dealing with this without knowing He is right there helping.

Letting go is hard, this is hard... But you are handling it so well ... Sticking up for yourself and holding your ground... You are an amazing person and have shown incredible strength and courage in all this. When your H wakes he is going to have a serious Homer Simpson DOOH Moment when he realizes all he lost

[daring]

Cali thanks so much for the kind words- I'm blushing
Right back atcha too- reading your progress is always inspiring as your strength of character shines!

So funny from yesterday and today- STBX came over yesterday to help D13 with her science project. I took the boys to the gym with me and walked by in my little workout outfit looking cute! ( I've lost about 15lbs in the last year and been getting more toned). I know he was looking.
Then this morning he came by to pick up D13 and neighbors for school. I didn't reaize he was driving them since he doesn't usually do Monday drop off. I was up making S8s lunch, in my t-shirt and underwear, when he walked in for a second. Ha! He was a bit flustered. I thought about running in my room and putting on something more and then decided- nope it's MY house. And I just kept packing lunch

Nothing much to think of these two things I'm just enjoying it a little.

[BrightFuture]

Right on, daring! It is your house and you can wear (or not wear) anything you want. I’ve been following your story. I think you are doing great. Hang in there.

[Ggrass]

Socks to be him, to invade your house and see daring looking hot.

[daring]

Thanks Bright and Ggrass! It is kinda fun to mess with him a little.

So I noticed he's trying to lighten the mood the last few days. His texts include lots of smiley faces and joking. ( we only text about kids and financial stuff). And surprisingly I'm able to joke a little too after being so angry for several months. Maybe there is something to be said for having closure on this chapter.

I think the funniest was yesterday I texted him saying I got a message from my lawyer that his lawyer said the settlement sheet he submitted was incomplete and he had to redo it. So I texted asking if I should expect any big changes. He said no it was just he left out all the " crap" ( ie stuff owned in each house, bank accounts etc) and his lawyer considered that incomplete. I responded ok just didn't want any surprises. He sent me back a text saying he would expect a nerf bullet to the head of he changed a single thing after our meeting this weekend ( yes that is his twisted sense of humor). I sent back " yeah my head would spin around and I would vomit green".

Maybe this chapter ending will be good for both of us. Who knows what the future holds and who it will be with- but I know there's lots of awesomeness in store as long as I keep focus on the positive!

[Lifes Twists]

Hi Daring,

Sometimes you have to get past the stink to see the possibilities. Since my own D at the beginning of January things have really improved. Communication has gone from non existent before the D to maybe going to see a movie with me on Valentines day. You never know what will happen.

Keep looking for the positive and it will come looking for you.