Sound like the sort of book I need, mine appears to be writing r talks via laywer.
He wants me to argue the validity of the whole r! He talks of mostly being separated with small patches of r! What the hell, he knows I can prove most of that un true.
If he makes me go down this path and he is doing just that he will ended up the very very very sore looser. Fb is a great prover of stuff, given you can post stuff and it remains on record forever.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Under some circumstances FB entries can be removed or obscured from access by the originator, make sure you screen dump anything you may want later
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
Bea, I am very sorry about your BIL. It's always difficult to know which way to go when something like this happens and I think you did the right thing in sending condolences along to your xh.
It will be interesting to see if your xh responds to your latest missive and what his answers will be. Yes, he may have ceased contact for now...but he'll be back around again. He really is a very lost soul and needs those "kibbles". It's too bad he can't let you go.
I'm glad you are stronger and in a better place. There for a while, he was driving you nuts w/allegations and threatening to take you to court. I still don't rule that scenario out, especially if he's angry about something in the future.
Bea, please take care of yourself. I do worry about you because your xh is right up there w/some of the other irrational ones.
I hope you have some fun plans for the weekend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job, your capacity for compassion and concern really moves me almost to tears. You are such a wise, good and kind soul.
I am planning to spend some time buying new walking boots, and also planning a summer vacation camping. This really is a new direction for me, as I am not normally someone who enjoys roughing it, (although I like house renovation!) but I thought, how many more years do I have on this planet, and how cool it would be camping with friends near the ocean.
I think the legal battle was a bid for attention (which ranks up there with falling downstairs to get attention in sheer stupidity) But really who know?
He was driving me nuts, but in part this was because at that time I had a lot of stuff happening with my family which is now resolved happily. And also I can now see clearly how crazy my xh is, and how desperately lonely he is. He can't let me go yet, and maybe this is actually part of the letting go process for him. What we can't have, we tend to try and hang on to.
Either way I think 2015 will resolve a lot. But I could be wrong
Bea, What I don't get is that he is M to someone now. Why is he so lonely when he is in a R? What does she think of all this? Especially the law suits and such. What kind of dysfunctional R must they have?
I sure hope you are right about 2015. Sooner or later he needs to just get on with his life and let you do the same. Keep your head down and enjoy the camping by the beach!
Wonka - there are really three strands to this. The first is that I am in a much better place emotionally - quite a lot of stressful family related matters have been resolved, and also the passage of time is helpful.
I can now deal with my xh without freaking out: it also helps that although crazier he is being less nasty.
Finally this excellent book on narcissism does give some pointers to dealing with narcissistic behaviour.
I can always walk away from this situation the moment it starts to stress me out. We had a very long and happy marriage until the MLC monster roared in: I am now happy alone, do not expect him to change, but I am truly sorry for the mess he has made of his life.
Do I expect him to come out of it? No I don't, but i would like my life not to be torpedoed by his threats to do this, that or the other. He has really done most of the mean things that a person can do to another, short of physical abuse, and apart from a short period I never really worried about that (and it was probably unfounded)
The thing that has changed is that I am no longer afraid, and that is such a very good feeling. I didn't know how scared I was. I think it was the trauma, but now I am not afraid, I have a lightness of heart that is good to get back.
Matt - I wonder occasionally about this new marriage. Being positive it could be that he is attempting to tidy up his life. I hope so.
On a lighter note my xh sent me a link to an article on successful co-parenting. Quite a good article if your children were under about 8 years of age!! And interestingly there was a lot of what he would have normally called psychobabble in the article.
There is some much more appropriate material aimed at those with grown up children, but I thought it was interesting that he thought there could be a way of relating better to his children using outside help.
Nice to hear that you are looking to try something new and get into hiking and camping. As much as I have have increased my hobbies since the bomb there are always more fun things to do and experience in this amazing world.
Just saw the movie Wild and although I read the book a few years ago I was really moved by the movie too.
It is very demoralizing being endless vilified by someone and I totally get your new mind frame. Not being afraid and replying when you feel like replying. I personally can only ignore ignore and ignore for so long before the outrageous and often humorous comments need reply.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
