What Bond is telling you is true. It is part of the entire process as your situation evolves. As you work to become the person you want to be, you will understand what is and what isn't acceptable in a healthy relationship. Obviously he will need to address his anger.
Right now, you want things to work so badly, that you are willing to overlook some negatives in your husband. In time, the fog will begin to lift for both of you.
This weekend, you will learn how to communicate on a whole different level. Head up, shoulders back, and make eye contact.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I don't really know what to tell you. He has always been a hot head, but has made considerable improvement in controlling it in the almost 7 years we've been together. it doesn't usually come out of nowhere, but I do have to be careful in what I do and say as not to provoke him. If he's been drinking it can be especially bad. But again, it is not that he is always angry. But if I say or do something that pushes him over the edge...it can get out of hand. Never physical of course.
It's great that he's making considerable improvements controlling his anger. But there's a difference in between pushing buttons and provoking his temper and having to watch what you say because it might trigger him. I'm hoping it's the former, and not the later that you're referencing. Regardless of if you say or do something that pushes him over the edge, he has a CHOICE in how he chooses to respond. Anger, to the point of getting out of hand is unacceptable. He has to figure that out, because you should not have to worry about triggering his behavior.
This isn't something to sweep under the rug. It will be something that will need to be addressed and take a lot of hard work from both of you.
M:32,H 32 T:10, M5 BD/H Move Out: 9/2014 - extreme anger H Mental Illness Diagnosis: 4/15 Served D Papers: 10/15 Divorced: 11/15
You described your H as a hothead and if you watched what you did and don't provoke him he is fine. It gets worse when he drinks.
Honestly, you just described what my W told me after the BD. She said she told everybody what a great guy I was when I wasn't drinking but when I did drink it all went down hill.
I quit drinking not because I had to but because I wanted to because it gives me the best chance at R. I may drink again or I may not. It was a dynamic between my W and I that did so much harm to our M.
The way you talk about watching what you say and do so not to set your H off made me think about how my W must have felt being around me. This isn't the first time I realized it and I have forgiven myself for how I made my W feel but she hasn't forgiven me and I don't know if she ever will.
I am not suggesting that your H must quit drinking your post just put me in a reflective moment.
Again, Good Luck this weekend
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
nit84, I am sorry that your wife hasn't been able to forgive you. For me, holding onto to past hurts is unbearable for both parties. I think I may choose forgiveness more easily than others, but it is almost selfish because I just find it harms me more to hold on to anger. I prefer to move forward. I always think of that line in the Our Father, "forgive us our trespasses,: as we forgive those who trespass against us." Pretty powerful line, in my opinion.
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
I agree with you that holding on to anger hurts both parties. I, like you, choose forgiveness more easily also. This wasn't always the case and I am much better off now that I have learned how to forgive.
I also agree with the Our Father being very powerful
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
Breath!! You'll be fine. This isn't the end. It is the beginning. Wishing you the best.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Well I am home from the wkend. It was a powerful experience. Not a miracle but I do feel much closer to my H. I don't know if we are on the road to reconciliation, but I am grateful for the time we got to spend together.
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
