Jim0987 #8 - A bit clearer on the rebuild

[edz]

Only my .02 but when I start feeling like that I now do the opposite. Stop do something else if possible, then come back to it when the steam has finished pouring out of my ears (see the invoice from MIL for cleaning incident). Its bl00dy difficult to get right.

I cant say if you should file, its not even necessarily the end of it all you could still reconcile afterward but you need to ask yourself do you want to file to move on or because you are reacting to the feelings of rejection and striking out at being backed into the corner?

We're on top of the holidays so leaving it to next weekend would be my advice, remember the number one asteristed bit of advice you've got from Vanilla and co as well!

Vets any better qualified suggestions?

[jim0987]

You're right in the short term. I just need to figure out my longer term plan but I've got time

[rd500]

Hi Jim, all the time in the world, this your life. it can only get better. Have a good day, RD

[edz]

Indeed, planning for your stability and that of the kids is very wise but don't get so caught up in it you forget to live life now and enjoy it.

Number one lesson learned by Edz!

[jim0987]

Indeed, planning for your stability and that of the kids is very wise but don't get so caught up in it you forget to live life now and enjoy it.

Fundamentally, how i got here. So focused on grievances from the past and hope the future would be better that I failed to live in the present and do what i needed to do to have that better future.

[MCS]

Ah marriage counseling. My wife refuses

actually, I usually put mediation in parenthesis, I messed that one up, typing too fast. While W said she would go, we talk about nothing but logistics of the separation. She told the MC she wasn't interestef in a R talk. That and she won't talk to me outside of that time, so it's the only chance too talk.

I have to say, my W asked about counseling about a year ago out of the blue, since I didn't know anything was wrong in our M. I asked her why she thought we should go, it seemed as if we were solving any conflict/arguments right after we had them. She then said maybe she should go by herself.

Hindsight is 20/20, but during BD, she told me she had begged me to go to counseling and I refused (that was this one time above.) If only I had known what she was going through at the time as A was taking hold of competing with our M.....

[jim0987]

More scripting help please

Well it’s been a few hours and I haven’t responded yet. Whilst I do not need to make any big decisions today, not responding would be seen as obstructive

So short term I should do rougly what i said earlier and simply say
‘I will need to discuss this with my solicitor.’

If I say just that there is a good chance she will take that as escalation and being unreasonable. It mirrors the aggression through formality that she has adopted which I don’t think is a good thing. I think I can stand my ground whilst being caring – instead of hiding the soft underbelly, showing that it’s not so soft. I feel like this is the better approach as its neither dismissive nor inflammatory

W

Thanks for the comments.

Some of the items you’ve raised about the separation finances make me feel a little apprehensive and so I will need to consult my solicitor to get a fuller understanding before getting back to you on these. I trust you understand.

I also need to respond on the Christmas schedule thing and so that will be a separate email that says something like. I said it was not balanced and asked to change it, she said no.

W

I understand your viewpoint on this. I sent the document across as draft for discussion rather than a final agreement. My apologies that this was not clear enough

I was referring to the 4 additional days that cover the Christmas period, of which you have 3 of these with the children. I would like to have the children on Monday 29th December in order to balance up this arrangement so that we each have two extra days.

Hopefully this would not inconvenience you too much or significantly affect your existing plans.

Thanks

Any input on these would be helpful as i seem to leek judgement, blame and pursuit without even realising i’m doing it

[edz]

Jim

Im not the best to advise here as I can go off to wafflwaffly land when I dont need to and shouldnt but I'd stick with the KISS approach and not say anything you dont need to or mention anything you dont need to get resolved straight away.

With that I'll let those who are actually good at this advice help further

[rd500]

Hi Jim, i don't have these discusions as W left and I have kids, however Anything W says to me I answer as if I was talking to a neighbour, honestly but not too honestly. EG, W told me she was going out last nite, ME, that sounds nice, W , I don't fancy it because its the same people as last week , i have no money and I have to drive, ME, ok, see how you feel later. Conv over.

NOTHING she could read into that, imho. Neutral, not I dont care or I do care but neutral.

Just my pennies worth. RD

[Wonka]

W

Thanks for the comments.

Some of the items you’ve raised about the separation finances make me feel a little apprehensive and so is something that I will need to consult my solicitor to get a fuller understanding before getting back to you on these. I trust you understand.

I also need to respond on the Christmas schedule thing and so that will be a separate email that says something like. I said it was not balanced and asked to change it, she said no.

W

I understand your viewpoint on this. I sent the document across as draft for discussion rather than a final agreement. My apologies that this was not clear enough

I was referring to the 4 additional days that cover the Christmas period, of which you have 3 of these with the children. I would like to have the children on Monday 29th December in order to balance up this arrangement so that we each have two extra days.

Hopefully this would not inconvenience you too much or significantly affect your existing plans.

I think this proposed schedule is fair and equitable that it allows our children to spend the holidays with us. I am sure you agree that it is important to create positive and happy memories for our children over the holidays.

What are your thoughts?

Thanks

Any input on these would be helpful as i seem to leek judgement, blame and pursuit without even realising i’m doing it