Yes, I inquired why she was acting differently. She stated that two people said that she looked tired yesterday which spurred this...She also stated that she can "Continue to Fake it"...I'm quite sad right now.
W-43 H-41 M-19 T-21 Kids S-15 D-13 S-11 OM/EA/PA suspected 7/4/14 Talk of Seperation 7/5/14 Slept in same bed, held each other nightly until 2/1/15 W moved out 2/1/15 I am moving on
W-43 H-41 M-19 T-21 Kids S-15 D-13 S-11 OM/EA/PA suspected 7/4/14 Talk of Seperation 7/5/14 Slept in same bed, held each other nightly until 2/1/15 W moved out 2/1/15 I am moving on
Well we continue... She still states she does not know, wants me to find another woman, is confused, wants to hire a mediator after the holidays, appreciates who I am, does not trust me, thanks me for doing everything to help the relationship, does not want to go on trips with me, wants me to hold her, does not want me to hold her, is seeing a councelor, states "so you think the councelor is going to make me want you", wants to move out, does not want to move out, wants to get frisky, states she regrets getting frisky...
I am disconnecting.
W-43 H-41 M-19 T-21 Kids S-15 D-13 S-11 OM/EA/PA suspected 7/4/14 Talk of Seperation 7/5/14 Slept in same bed, held each other nightly until 2/1/15 W moved out 2/1/15 I am moving on
Yes, it gives you a glimpse of how confused she feels.
This is also the reason you need to emotionally detach from her drama, or it will pull you in. If she's in a good mood, you are fine. If she's in a bad mood, you are still fine. Your life is not based on her mood swings.
Sure it hurts to see her go through this, and not knowing what she may decide next. It is so important for you to remain strong and solid. Sometimes she will want to lean on you.......and sometimes she'll want to kick you out. So either way, you'll need strength.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well we continue... She still states she does not know, wants me to find another woman, is confused, wants to hire a mediator after the holidays, appreciates who I am, does not trust me, thanks me for doing everything to help the relationship, does not want to go on trips with me, wants me to hold her, does not want me to hold her, is seeing a councelor, states "so you think the councelor is going to make me want you", wants to move out, does not want to move out, wants to get frisky, states she regrets getting frisky...
I am disconnecting.
Sound like my wife. Right before Halloween she was close and affectionate, telling her friends how much she loves me; we had sex (really good sex) twice in 2 days. Fast forward to this weekend, and she feels totally disconnected from me, finds no comfort in my presence, etc...I know that I shouldn't believe anything she tells me (per the rules) but detaching is the only thing that any of us can do to keep our sanity and our cool.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Thanks for being there for me through this, you have helped. I am in that place now that I am not persuing and feel detached. last 48hrs I have given her all the space she needs...plus some. She responds with...you are angry...I state, no I am giving you space as you ask. I do small things for her still, say goodmorning, bring her coffee and make her lunch but do not text or initate conversation unless it is initated by her. Lots of things to be happy about...she is sleeping in our bed, wears her rings, accepts the bounderies around the possible OM (?EA), and is attending counceling. Biggest issue for me now is that she stated that she wants to make it through the hollidays, and if she doesn't reconnect then begin mediation (yea, that is a big one - don't know about it yet).
Rzorback,
Nice name, how is the team doing this year? Your post is spot on with my W. We have made love 6ish times in 3 months. Last two she stated that she regreted it (but initiated it)however, like you I thought that it was great. I do not know how to approach this, Michelle states that when the opportunity arises to take hold...it may lead to reconnection, however if they are using it as a form of control and security...then I guess we should avoid. The obvious problem is that we cannot get inside thier *&^% heads. Oh well, there are others out there that will give us the respect and love we deserve, if it comes to that.
Best of luck, and stay in touch.
W-43 H-41 M-19 T-21 Kids S-15 D-13 S-11 OM/EA/PA suspected 7/4/14 Talk of Seperation 7/5/14 Slept in same bed, held each other nightly until 2/1/15 W moved out 2/1/15 I am moving on
Oh the holidays are going to be rough...I do not know (she may not know) what she is planning on doing afterwards. I am still showing her affection when she seeks it (nightly). Need to 180 it I guess to see what happens.
W-43 H-41 M-19 T-21 Kids S-15 D-13 S-11 OM/EA/PA suspected 7/4/14 Talk of Seperation 7/5/14 Slept in same bed, held each other nightly until 2/1/15 W moved out 2/1/15 I am moving on
Wife has stated that she is going to leave after the hollidays. Merry Christmas everyone
W-43 H-41 M-19 T-21 Kids S-15 D-13 S-11 OM/EA/PA suspected 7/4/14 Talk of Seperation 7/5/14 Slept in same bed, held each other nightly until 2/1/15 W moved out 2/1/15 I am moving on
Sorry, Hrdtims. I know that must sting. Time to let her go (this does NOT mean "give up"). No more affection, no more holding, no more foot rubs, no more PURSUIT.
This is her journey . . . let her walk it. It's terribly hard for us men when we KNOW they are making a mistake, but you have to HONOR her request even if you don't AGREE with it.
Thanks Starsky, she says it is the only way that she can "find herself" and for me not to be surprised when she returns to me. But I would not be able to forgive a affair which even if it doesn't occur..will in my mind.
There is no reason for her to leave, I have been nothing but caring.
I cannot believe that she would do this to me and our children, I truly hate her for it.
Again, thanks.
W-43 H-41 M-19 T-21 Kids S-15 D-13 S-11 OM/EA/PA suspected 7/4/14 Talk of Seperation 7/5/14 Slept in same bed, held each other nightly until 2/1/15 W moved out 2/1/15 I am moving on
