Moving Out but moving on?

[edz]

Indeed not Vanilla, keep the poking coming I most definitely dont need to retreat into myself!

Christmas, unless W changes her plans - relating to S - will see me go to my Dads for christmas eve after work and stay there into christmas morning then drive back in the afternoon to pick S up from W for christmas night and boxing day.

[Vanilla]

No chance.........

And the rest?

Vanilla

[edz]

ha!

keep it coming..

invite to a meal with friends from work. looking to see if I can get some night bowling going (no takers yet)... looking for more ideas at the mo..locally...

[Vanilla]

What about carol singing?

Plans for new year?
Vanilla

[edz]

Now I think my singing qualifies as offenses against humanity..

If I have S we're going to go and see the local fireworks event, if not I may still go by myself.

[edz]

So an update on whats going on with me.

Sunday W texted to say she didnt have any Christmas films, resisted the urge to say "and?" or to rush around with any, expecially after the posting on facebook she'd made so decided to just get on with my evening (getting the odd 2 x 4 from Vanilla ) yesterday got a call just saying she had caught up with my text after being out all day (it was just asking is her Sky line going in so I can close the BT/Sky ADSL and phone account down and clear the bill) and we had a chat. She asked did I have any of the christmas films on DVD, pointed out that I'd left some there for her when I moved but I had some more we had recorded I could drop around. Interestingly she said oh she hadnt looked in the pile of DVD's - which seemed odd and almost as if she was thinking of an excuse to text me.. may just be wishful thinking though.

Popped by yesterday evening so I could see S and drop them off. While I was there W asked me would I move her new Skybox over a bit and there was a coffee in it for me. Didnt see a reason not to as I would for a neighbour and she was being friendly - again not pursuing and wasnt expecting anything except the coffee - also one of the first things I ever did for her was fix her phone line back in 1999 so thought it was a nice callback.

We had a brief chat about the phone lines, spent a little time with S and then made sure I left before it became pursuing.

My Dad was asking the other day had I straight out told her that she was welcome to move here, (I know the sharp intake of breath that you will all be making at that and no not since august would I have said something like that when she was saying about leaving her mothers) but it did make me wonder does she know that the path is there? I have to believe that she's smart and everything I have done and said has made that clear and anything else is pursuit, thoughts?

[jim0987]

She knows the path is there.

there may be a whole load of other stuff she doesnt know or doubts or needs to figure out for herself (MIL for starters?) - but its probably best to not guess on this stuff.

Personally I think staying for the coffee was good if it was friendly and positive but steered well clear of R or pursuing. Its a friendly interaction. If you are a positive in her life then that is good. (the disagreement may come if she is putting you in the friend zone).

The approach I think you want is to make her want to move in with you without ever discussing it. you do this by making your new place exactly as you want it, make it a warm, secure and comfortable home for your S, you have a good PMA and you start living the life that anyone would want to be part of (GAL, GAL, GAL).

[edz]

Thanks Jim, yes thats what I'm going for.

When we sat down and spoke when MIL was away month before last (wow that went fast) we briefly touched on this - very briefly - I said then I couldnt just be buddies as it would be putting myself somewhere way to painful, If W doesnt want to pursue a reconciliation then we can co-parent but that has to be my line in the sand as painful a thought as it is. Things such as what if she started seeing someone and Im in the friend zone, nope, maybe in the future if we go that way, I made it clear I dont agree with her decision to leave but I understand its what she needed to do, that right now we're married but not living together while she makes her decisions on what she needs to do in the future but when she does all I can really offer is working and doing anything needed to further reconciliation or co-parenting with her for the good of our S. Wasnt quite that blunt but made it clear.

I've also worked to maintain an air that I'm moving on with things and while I still wear my ring (she isnt but then often didnt anyway) I won't sit and pine for her. The evening texts and goodnights etc all stopped some time ago but you're right that I want her to see a life she wants to be part of.

[Vanilla]

Edz

You know what I am going to say about GAL!

Ok so wasail is unlikely to work.
What would you enjoy in the company of others?

Vanilla

[edz]

Hi Vanilla

Seem to have lost a post this morning - odd?!

Ok, to recap. Signed up for a digital photo course starting January, just the basics which I suspect I know but Im not big headed enough to think I have it all right and...importantly...other people!

Also heading up to matchams to sign up for go karting license tests (basically gets you signed up so you can then go when you want to without the pre-training every time). Called ahead so should have this booked up for next weekend (S here tonight, probably friday night and saturday and Dad visiting on Sunday so Busy time)

Me being dim ---> whats wasail?

Being serious and honest I like other people but I'm a focussed introvert. I find it incredibly tiring being around lots of people *because* I like to engage with them and drive conversation forward and to entertain etc. Thus I have a habit of wearing myself out and having to recover (not from a hangover but just feeling worn) afterwards.

The issue is I have a habit (as I suspect do a lot of men) of therefore avoiding the situation and going into hiding.

What do I like from people and importantly what "recharges" me around them? Quiet talk, funny conversation, going off at a tangent, understanding small silences aren't always oppresive.

See I'm a tricky one!