Moving Out but moving on?

[Vanilla]

Edz

I would dearly like to see you include some GAL which involves mixing. You mention the party, that's great but more like that.
Personal GAL is one type, but mixer GAL is very important.

Swimming- join an improves group, arrange a group swim for charity.....
Music, sign up for a band, play the triangle, set the lights.....,
Cooking, go on a course, join a soup group......
Reading: join a reading group etc......

I'm sure there is an improves keyboard group somewhere
This is not distracting or filling the lonely hearth but improving you
Go get em
Vanilla

[edz]

Liking the cooking group idea, will look into that one

[edz]

So emailed W as we still have some financial points to work through. She's been ignoring them for some time but I can see things sliding back in the account after I spent a lot of effort in the past few months trying to make them better.

I know she's fighting with the money situation, I know I cant help her make any decisions about the marriage or the direction she takes. All I can do is try to stabilize finances on my side and try to have a nice place for myself and S and hope without expectations.

Of course, even without me pushing and only asking for specifics she's still blanking me which makes it very hard to both make things stable and also deal with more rejection. Originally she didnt want to draw from the joint account and wanted to only have an amount to support S so we did that. Now she's got that but still has payments on the joint account and has occasionally used her debit card (although in her defense she had lost her debit card for her account at the time) I also found a transaction that seems to point that she paid for my Birthday card out of it (which since she no longer pays into it means I bought it myself - ha) although she's since transferred money in to cover it so that was possibly just a mistake.

I mentioned in one of our past conversations (when she didnt want to draw on the account) that if she wants to split things formally I'll sort out an account in my name only and then she will have her account and I mine (although in practice with overdraft limits this will be rather tricky) and this is something that is still on the table if we cant work this out another way.

I re-iterated this isnt confrontational or punitive, but we both need to know where we are financially and what we need to plan. I cant do that if Im trying to pay for two loads of home insurance and paying her credit cards while (and this I didnt say obviously) she uses her money to buy a second ps3 console for S to play when he's not around me.

Sigh, I appear to have crested the coaster again!

[jim0987]

Edz

its probably not what you want to hear but you should sort out your own current account and i'd suggest giving some serious thought to how you want to sort out the finances. you're living seperately and you have to worry about your bills and make sure you are secure.

you've got to do whats right for you and your son first and foremost. if she wont engage then you might need to take some considered action and tell her about it - Ive seen around here some good advice on this sort of thing (some good tips on HPs thread althought the circumstances are different)

Hows the shower tray?

[edz]

Oh don't worry Jim if I don't get some movement from W I will make the changes I need to, I'd rather not but equally she's got to start dealing with these things.

To an extent I buried my head in the sand and let some of these problems build up ( I don't want to know the balance was a cry of mine while I earned the money ) but she's definitely not dealing with the situation here.

I know she said a little while ago - when I cancelled some direct debits after telling her I would but not telling her when I did it, that she was pi55ed about it that I'd decided to sort things out and went off to sort myself and dropped her. It escaped her then (and apparently now) that this is because she wanted out, wanted to control her own life (and is, I think, now realising that theres a lot of downs to that that I used to deal with and pay for).

Anyyyyway..

Shower tray and the bottom row of tiles have now been chiseled out the drain replaced and prepped and the plumber is waiting on a replacement tray of the right height. So...we await parts!

[edz]

W texted me lateish last night to say she'd received my emails and that her phone was running out of charge but she'd be in touch about the weekend (seeing when S is free). Nothing yet about either S or the finance questions I raised. I know she says she's always busy but I get a distinct feeling from her that she's actually still passively angry that my changes dont appear to be temporary and/or that it took her going this far before I changed myself. Cant say for sure, trying not to mind-read but difficult to do anything else when she's not talking to me properly.

On the house, had the landlord round this morning who buried the cable lines outside as they were a trip hazzard and he's putting a rocket under the plumbing firm as they told him they were done, er, no, its not.

[edz]

Off down to my dads in a little while to pop in and pick up a table for the kitchen!

Will get me out the house for the evening anyway.

Still nothing from W today, she appears to be in full on I 'don't exist' mode, oh well as long as she lets me know when I can pick up S cant ask for much else out of her, not with any hope of getting it right now anyway..

[jim0987]

At least you can spend some quality time with your dad

[edz]

Indeed I did. picked up the table and they gave me a nice little side table for the bedroom as well all rebuilt and in place now.

w texted me to ask am I taking s to his card event tomorrow. hadny said so since it was every two weeks but happy to so will have him tomorrow night and all Saturday. tried for Saturday night too but w wasnt happy as she wouldnt have any down time with him. we compromised as w is heading out with her friend for girls dinner w night so s is staying with me overnight rather than going to mil. nice key in to seeing him in the week.

[jim0987]

Thats really good your going to spend some time with your Son. and thats a decent amount of time given the previous circumstances

hopefully you can get it to the point where he regularly stays and starts to feel like its his room