1. Put God's Will First. Trust God. Focus on each day as it comes and Take Joy! from each day. 2. Live proactively as opposed to living as a reactionary to life. "As I think, so I will become in my actions." I need to plant the seeds for tomorrow. I want a tomorrow that is calm, cool and collected...Intensive application involves planning and thinking ahead. Leaving room each day for spontaneity which is a natural part of who I am. 3. Take care of my health (mental and physical). 4. Give my kids the things and time they deserve without DOING for them things they should DO for THEMSELVES. 5. Enjoy the contentment with my life that comes from working on the first four goals: travel, fun, friends, family...TAKE JOY!
Specific Sub-Goals: Create and follow a reasonable spending plan. Track my expenses daily. Earn at least $60,000 per year by December, 2015...or sooner.
I haven't had much time to catch up on your thread yet, but I wanted to say I'm sorry for the garbage you are going through. We all know it all too well.
Please try to have a nice Thanksgiving.
Peace.
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
My suggestion for you in terms of handling smokie is to not answer any questions or texts from him in regards to anything other than how are the girls doing. Do not respond to anything in regards to the divorce, discovery or anything else unless it comes to you through your lawyer. Smokie is being lead by his attorney right now. His attorney will continue to run his bill up as fast and as high as he can get it. Don't waste your time or your attorneys time on it. Instruct your attorney to spend no time on it unless you give him instruction too. Smokie will at some point figure out he has spent a lot on his attorney and is running out of money. Only do the things that are required as part of the D process, no more. Smokies attorney is playing him for a fool, don't let him play you for one too. If you or he were wealthy it would be different, but neither of you are so save you money.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
Thanks guys. I really appreciate the feedback from yesterday. Man, whatta day!! Whew.
I got through it though. I went out and used the anger to put up Christmas lights with D12. She is thrilled. This is probably the earliest we've ever had everything in place. :-) And, it looks cozy and lovely even without furniture (camouflage bean bags!).
This morning:
Called the psychotherapist. She sounds perfect. She is a retired school psychologist with loads of experience with Asperger's. We meet, with d12 next week. She has about 4 weeks off after next week, so it will only be this first appt...but, that's ok...as long as I can tell the court she has a therapist.
The special ed teacher/homeschool mom is meeting me for coffee this weekend. I will ask that she have D12 on Mondays and Tuesdays.
At about 4 a.m., I started formulating my letter to the courts, listing all things I plan on having in place for D12 by next week. They don't need to know that it's only happening now. I need to be careful with dates...but, whatever...as long as I get it done.
I printed a sample letter of intent.
I can also ask the special ed teacher/homeschool mom about creating a homeschooling IEP. Her daughter has dyslexia so I know that she is familiar with this.
I paid the cell phone bill. I just did. I was on the phone forever trying to talk to someone and got frustrated. I'm going to call back and get an idea what our monthly bill is for D12 and D20. D20 is contributing $200 to this bill. She even gave me her card. I couldn't use it because of stupid red tape with Verizon, but I can have D20 give me cash or buy groceries or something.
We got into it a bit last night. Not major. She is feeling really badly about my dad. She defended herself and I listened to where she was coming from. I know her dad has pushed her to the limit too financially. I know she felt desperate. I still have a hard time trusting her though. She would sell me out in a heart beat? IDK. That's how it feels today. But, she made some good points. I listened.
I'm just relieved we have the phone turned on for D12 now.
The Christmas lights look pretty.
I will also attend church on Sunday and reach out for help there too. Lots of homeschoolers at this church.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Oh, and Smokey actually texted Happy Thanksgiving to D20!!!! WHOA!!
In a hilarious turn of events, her cell phone was suspended so she couldn't text back the "F U" she was dying to text him for months and months. I thought it was funny.
D12 got another text yesterday...this one had a Happy Thanksgiving and I love you. I think the first one, asking about how she feels working with me, wasn't from Smokey. Just my gut. Has inlaws written all over it. There were a few responses from last week that didn't sound like him either. Maybe skank? Atty coaching? Crazy inlaws?
IDK. But, I DO know it's no wonder I'm paranoid after living with this bunch for so long. MEAN.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I'm glad you are okay. I was a bit worried last evening over all that had transpired in the last couple of days. Heather, you are on a roll and I see you've got a couple of things already in the hopper for D12. I'm glad the homeschool mom is going to meet you and hopefully you can get her to work w/your daughter.
Attend church on Sunday and reach out for help. It's a good way to meet people and you might be pleasantly surprised at the congregation...they will be more than happy to reach out and help you since you are a single mom w/daughters and new to the community. Don't be afraid to reach out. No one knows what you are experiencing if you don't share.
As for the cell phone bill...I'm glad you decided to go ahead and pay it. At least this will buy you some time to look at other plans/phones for the future. I find that if I can't work w/Verizon on the phone, I use their web site. It works much faster and you don't have to hang around on the phone and wait forever. I'm glad your D20 is going to contribute something towards the bill and hopefully things on this front will settle down now.
If you don't think the texts sound like your h, it could be his parents coaching him. I don't think "the who" would be helping him in this area. I'm glad to see he reached out to both daughters this holiday.
Heather, keep the ball rolling!
As for the discussion last night about your dad, she should feel bad about what she did. Yes, it accomplished two things: 1) it got her the money she wanted and needed; and 2) it made you out to look like you weren't being supportive and was hiding things from your dad. She's got to learn to keep her mouth shut when she's angry and stop turning against you just because she can't have what she wants, when she wants. I still would be very careful what you shared w/her, because I don't trust her because of the anger issue and what's done to you in the past.
Sounds like you are ready for Christmas w/the lights in place. I do think you are right...it's the first time you've been ready this early for decorating for Christmas.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
D12 and I are going to the homeschool mom's house tonight. She has a 13-year-old daughter. I was thinking I could make arrangements so D12 is there until 3:30 p.m.
She is not going to like this. Somehow, without frightening her, I need to get her to understand she HAS TO DO THIS STUFF in order to have some choices.
The only way she will be heard is if she has a balanced life and she has objective, rational people around her who the court will trust...as opposed to tattoo-covered deadbeats.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
The schedule proposal sounds good and your D12 will have others her age around her. I know she's not going to like it because she's not going to be in her safe little world, but she's got to do this in order to have a balanced life and routine not, just now, but in the future too. This will be a good way for her to meet people her own age too. She may be pleasantly surprised that the kids have the same interests that she has.
Okay, so your D20 has asked if you want her to stay around and help out next semester. What changed? Doesn't she already have a deposit down on a place to live next semester? If she opts to stay at home, will she lose that deposit? I think I would put this one back into her court. She's old enough to make this decision for herself. If you ask her to stay, when she's angry, she'll throw it up into your face and resent you and D12 for her feeling guilty and offering to stay at home. Put this question back into her court. It's her decision to make.
Think of D20's offer as a lovely sentiment. She's not really of an age where she has the maturity to pull off that level of helpfulness.
It's her job to take care of herself and move her life forward in a constructive way. Encourage her to focus on that. If she can pull that off, that would be the biggest help she could give you, really. Of course, you can't let on that that's the case.
