Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 4 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 10 11
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,720
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,720
The whole situation about MIL always sounds crackers when I read it but then my W always does what SIL says no matter how terrible a plan it is.

Sounds like your nearly sorted for the move though so that's good.


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
E
edz Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
Hi Jim

nope doesnt sound crackers, its totally loopy. Spoke to W about MIL today and she just said its not worth the effort and she wont change. W isnt prepared to tackle her though so all I can do is simply say ok, you know your mum is controlling you, treating you as a child instead of the intelligent woman you are, you know shes irrational (and theres a whole lot else I havent posted here) but I cant make you be the adult in the relationship and take control or walk away so I'll be here for you and our son but I wont deal with her under these circumstances.

Right? Oh, who knows. Been trying to get a grip on dealing with MIL for over 15 years (wasnt MIL then of course) we were fine at first but I think I became the opposition when I argued with her christmas 2004 when I put S and W over what she wanted me to do for her, she's pushed me aside ever since. She's a controlling person, a manipulator and I dont mind if I never have to see her again, I just hope theres a compromise between that and keeping W and our marriage if W wont stand up to her which I dont believe she'll ever have the nerve to do.


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
E
edz Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
Well coming up on moving day. Had some shinanigins to get the mountain of money needed to be spent in the next couple of days in the right places since there are no savings and a bill this week in the region of £2,700 think we're there on that one but waiting on the grinding gears of money transfers. Oh did I mention that has to be cleared funds so no credit cards. Arghh.

Still have some work to do but I've now reached the point where Im out of space to move things or pack them further until I get some stuff out. Should be getting the keys tomorrow and insurance is also in place from then (last day working today until the 27th) so will move anything I can in the car / non removals and then can see the wood for the trees as well as starting to pull apart the vital network systems.

Attacked tranche 2 of the financial abyss left with me this week. With the aforementioned juggling Im hoping things will start to run smoother (hah!) from january or so with Christmas next month attempts to be in the clear will be futile at best.

W may be popping round later to fill in the V5 for the car so she can apply for the tax next month (yes, I'm fixing too much for her probably but I dont want a £1000 fine for not doing so - yay, UK road laws). Apart from that and the dire news I have no coffee in the house today (was too fixated in getting the cats food in the shop) not much going on in the marriage arena. I think once I'm out and W is moving in I'll get calls on helping out, I'll see how they affect S and make a decision. I also want to remind her who I am and not just the problems she associates with me and I've always been a fixer as long as she's known me. All about balance I suppose.

I do know its flipping freezing here today (0 according to the outside thermometer) and theres no coffee and Im certainly not running the heating the day before the meter readings wink

Last edited by edz; 11/19/14 10:21 AM.

M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,720
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,720
Is today moving day? If so I hope it goes well

Enjoy your new place


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 273
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 273
good luck on your move. I was out on 10/10 and it is refreshing yet confusing times. Stay focused on you and try to not worry about her. Good luck


Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14
I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
E
edz Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
Just a quick post as I only have internet access via the phone at present. so moving day. was up till 11 last night packing that was after getting up. paying £2360 to the agent meeting the landlord who tells me the ensuite may need ripping up to fix a broken shower tray....sigh....cleared the garage of my stuff and packed packed packed.

today removal guys turned up at 7:45 so I had to turbo through ripping out cables walk to the nearest cash machine to get out the remaining money for moving fees then sort out the other end then back to the flat for cleaning bought a hoover as I needed to clear 4 years of accumulated fluff then 6 hours of cleaning 6 round car trips with contents and finally a cat. got the tv set up temporarily grabbed a chinese and chilled out as much as possible. next couple of days will be unpacking and configuration of my systems fibre install tuesday my birthday and then hopefully resting. will fix ws phone socket at some point as I rerouted it into my old office so need to undo that after she's moved in. ...


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
E
edz Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
unpacking continues...
w contacted me to ask why the hall phone socket doesn't work sometimes wonder if she just tunes me out. love to say I feel upbeat and empowered today but I don't feels like I'm right back to July when she walked out today. May just be the chaos around me. slept in so maybe I was just groggy today after the past few days but I hope I don't have another emotional mountain to climb like I just did. Don't feel I have the energy. yesterday w berated me and told me she was really p'd over the dd she felt I'd just come out of my fog on finance and sorted myself out. apologised but explained I thought she wanted to sort things herself also how would I know her balances think the huge effort I put into leaving the flat clean and tidy helped but I also think w will never come back unless she addresses pent up anger she feels.

Apologies for typos. . Still using the mobile!


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 271
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 271
Have you ever considered just not playing the "tech support role" for her?

She is choosing not to be married to you. You are not that person to her right now.


Me: 35
Her: 33
D : 16
S : 9
Together: 14 years
Married: 12
She left 4/14/2014
Separated: 5/25/2014
OM Confirmed 7/2014
She filed 8/7/2014
I Filed 10/21/2014
Divorce final 2/12/2015
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
E
edz Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
hi bm
yes I debated it but im doing it a. to make sure s isnt disadvantaged and b. because mil is already fairly unpleasant and I dont want to make it worse in fact w hinted today that mil is somehow worked up on something and w doesn't want to be dragged into it. I'm guessing this will be mil wriggling out of rent rebate by blaming me for the run down parts of the flat despite w and I living there for over 9 years and I being there alone 3 months.


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
E
edz Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
well awaiting my new fibre router delivery. happy birthday to me I suppose frown

did get a card from w and a lovely decorated envelope from s will open them after breakfast and see what they say.


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Page 4 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard