"They had nominated me for physician of the quarter for demonstrating our values: (integrity, compassion, accountability, respect, excellence) every day."
Something we all should aspire to.
Way to go, daring. With so much on your plate, you can still deliver.
---(G)GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
Congratulations on receiving the award. What a nice way to present it to you w/the staff all in one place. You should be very proud of what you've accomplished and stand for each and every day.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Ss, CaliGuy, FY, GGG, J3B, Job, and Lois- thank you all for the congrats.
I really, really needed this today. I was feeling quite defeated this morning and God wrapped his arms around me and reminded me I'm on the right path. Sometimes it's bittersweet with things like this at work b/c one of H's complaints is that he was deprioritized and second to my job. As we all know, there are many things I could have done better in my M. But starting this practice and the work it would take to go into it was a season in our lives that we chose together after much discussion. Today after receiving the award that "tear down" voice we all have tried to say to me that I destroyed my M by being this person at work. So I prayed, and thanked God again for reminding me that who I am and what I do matters. And I'm not responsible for filling H's void and facing his wounds- he is.
Thanks again for all the love! It helps to get through the days having the support of you all here!
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
For you Wonka? I will save a room with your name on it!!
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Ok I have to share something else that happened. As I've mentioned I've been feeling very weary lately. Supposedly my H is working on the papers to finalize the D but I haven't pushed it or asked. Just been going about my business- though lately I have been wondering if is joule just say " when are we going to get this over with?" So I subscribe to a daily bible verse and commentary email from Seven Seas ministries. This was in my inbox today:
Matthew 19:6 (NKJV) "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."
Marriage is an incredible gift from God. Sadly, it has become devalued in today's society.
As followers of Christ, we don't have to fall into the traps of the enemy, destroying what God has joined together.
Making a marriage last takes hard work on both sides. But it can be done!
Are you in a troubled marriage? Have you cheated on your spouse? Have you mistreated them?
Have you given up hope because your spouse mistreated you?
Regardless of what you've been through, this doesn't have to be the end of your relationship. There is hope and there is help for you. You can make it work and have victory in your situation.
Start by forgiving each other. Make a decision to do whatever it takes to work things out and don't quit. Don't give up.
And instead of dwelling on what the other person did wrong to you, stop and ask God what He wants you to change in yourself. If both people in a troubled relationship would do this, and then take it seriously enough to take action to fix the problems, not a single relationship would end up broken.
We know it's not easy, so don't think we're saying that it is. But we've seen God work some miracles in cases where both people were willing to admit that they had faults and then work through the problems in front of them.
So don't give up hope. Trust God. Let Him lead you. If we could all just let God lead us, how much better would our lives be?
It's never too late to start.
Ok God- I'm listening. I will sit back and wait. Purchasing some dig deep patience shovels for the Holidays!
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Hi daring, First, congrats on the award! Don't think for a min. that your doing a great job hurt your M. I can relate as only a few months before my B-day my W and I decided TOGETHER that I was going to go into a startup business. It meant I wouldn't make anywhere near as much for a least a few years and I would need to spend more energy on my work but she was all for it as it could be a life changer down the road. 3 months later she wants a D and isn't going to even try and "fix" our R problems (or even be able to tell me what the heck they were!). They just become so selfish. In my case she even knew that without her income I couldn't keep this new business going but didn't care.
My W also seems to think that D means "happily ever after". It's so odd how so many MLCers seem to think that just doing this will solve all their problems and they will then be able to fix all their demons. I have asked her straight up how just no longer being M, no longer being a family with our D's is somehow going to "fix" everything for her and help her "find her joy" (her words). She can't give an answer. I don't think any of them can. They got this thought into their heads and until they get what they "know" they "need" (get away from the M if not us) they use it as the reason they aren't any happier no matter what they do. It's as if they think D is some kind of magical thing that wipes their slate clean. My W also thinks that she will spend holidays with me and the kids like we are a "family" even though she was the one to destroy the family. Part of her knows that this can't work but she just can't stop moving forward on the D. It's her only real goal now. Doesn't matter that she isn't any happier living alone. Once she gets that done all will be good in the world. You aren't alone in that from your H, that's for sure! Maybe it has to do with feeling pressure to be a good S. That they know they just can't be the partner they should be and by no longer having the pressure to be a good H/W, they will now be able to "friends" with us without the pressure to be anything more. Who knows? Heck, they don't even know and they're the ones doing it!
The email you got from the ministries really hits home! I really think that this helps spell out the difference between a S that just wants a D because they just don't feel compatible and the S that is in MLC. Both your H and my W know that their own actions were a big part of why the M "won't work". They know that their "reasons" are things that can be worked thru and "fixed" if both parties were just willing to do the work. Our S's just don't feel they are able to do that work. They seem to want some kind of "do over" where all the events of the past are just wiped away and that just isn't possible. They seem to think that D will do that but once they get that, what has really changed? Nothing. A piece of paper saying you no longer are M isn't going to change a thing about THEM. But until they try and find this out for themselves they want to, have to, believe that it will fix everything without the hard work. I would be more than willing to "forgive" my W, make a vow to do whatever it takes to make things work, not just quit. Unfortunately, both of us have to be willing and able to do this and in their MLC state, they just can't do this!
We have much in common daring, I was (and still technically am) M for 21 years, together for 26. We have 2 kids together. My W has suffered with depression for many years and while she never tried suicide, she talked about it many times. In my case I really don't think my W would have actually filed for D without her father pushing her. Until he got involved she would threaten to file but never do anything about moving forward. Even now she doesn't seem to know what her lawyer is sending my lawyer or what it says because I really think her father is the one doing all the leg work. But I also know that without her father she wouldn't ever stop until she gets what she thinks will magically fix all her problems...a D. That may be where your H is as well. Makes no sense to us but in their fog, deep in their tunnel, they seem to believe this.
Hang in there. You are really doing well with dealing with H's weirdness. You really have seemed to find the right things to say. Stay strong and you will get through this a better person than you started, that I'm certain of!
I have read similar passages daring ... and Matthew 19:6 (NKJV) "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." Has been a battle cry for some time.
And yes ... there comes a point when we realize that we are not always strong enough to handle MLC alone, and sure this forum has wonderful tools .. but they are aimed at working on our selves ... so you come to a crossroads at times and you have to just give your S to God ... let Him work on them for a bit. I firmly believe God has given me a few mini nudges and signs ... its the only reason I have a grip on this rope.
Hang in there .. God will take care of you, keep the faith and know he has a bigger and better plan. God does not want us to suffer, he only gives us what we can handle ... apparently its a good deal, just tells us we are stronger than we ever thought possible.
