Unfortunately I never found much out there that was that useful about helping a depressed spouse. It all seemed to say you can't be her H and her counsellor.
Everything I did just fed her view that I was manipulating her - and actually its a thin line between controlling and helping where the major difference is intent but they choose what they think your intent is.
So really specific example - I tried to tell my W that the M1 was congested so she might want to go the other way. Her response was 'I don't need your advice, I'm taking the M1'. My W has decided I'm controlling and so everything I do is viewed like that.
I suppose what I'm saying is that whatever your intent is she might not view it like that so anything you do (or don't do) it because its the compassionate thing to do like you would for a friendly neighbour
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
I wasn't there but her friend that was married to a meth addict was. The last conversation before she did it was me dropping her & the kids off at the airport telling her to have fun and be careful. Then giving her a big hug.
M40 XW35 M11 T15 S9 D5 Bomb 6/3/14 Papers del 10/3/14 D final 12/5/14
I wish I could love you and make you believe it 'Cause that's all you ever wanted From me
Bravo, this is what my wife posted in May, just 10 weeks before BD.
"7 years today we have been married! People ask me questions about what are our marriage is like. I tell them it's wonderful to have someone that respects me even when I don't deserve it sometimes. Our marriage is a friendship based on the Biblical principals which is the strength that keeps us together. Anyone can be liked and accepted when they are having a great day but to continue that when your not so pleasant to be around that is the key. It of course is a give and take always:) Thank you Jefe and I love you! You are an amazing dad to our daughters too! — feeling blessed."
And another from Feb: "Words can not explain how grateful I am for you in my life. So blessed to have you as my husband! — feeling blessed"
I will never understand WAS's. I am starting to understand the actions and mind-set from being here, but I will never understand the whys.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
I'm starting to think that when Ws get the most flowery, that is when there is the most danger. Like they are trying really, really hard to convince themselves they are happy. If I am ever in another M and m W starts acting over the top happy I'm going to respond much differently...
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
I have seen the same behavior too in other peoples relationships. Hmm.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
I think they are also led astray by friends and relatives who want to be supportive so jump on the 'just be done with him - you deserve better' bandwagon.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
