Just had call with DB Coach. Honestly- that was a bit of a downer. She said cases like this where the spouse is so withdrawn and has not stated needs are very tough. There's also almost no opportunity to rebuild an emotional connection because of our lack of contact.
Nothing to do but continue GAL and PMA.
I'm not going to do anything to slow down the divorce - right now he is being amenable and I'm afraid it will turn adversarial.
This has been an emotionally draining day. I'm not going to fight H on D and won't try to stretch things out. He did say he would go to counseling - so I guess I will look into that for January- maybe his affair will have burned out by then and frankly I don't want all this to cast a shadow on the holidays.
He's not the man I used to know and who kows what will emerge after he comes out of his funk (if ever). He's so irrational right now. He felt compelled to tell me he was going to establish residency in Nevada so that when the girls are out of school he can move out of this state "forever" because he "despises" it so much. Really? In the middle of telling me he is moving forward with a divorce he needs me to know his plans for 15 years from now?
I know things will get better, I do. Rationally, I know I'm a strong woman. I always have been. But tonight, I' really not looking forward to coparenting for the next 15 years. How did such a wonderful man turn into an adolescent? Is there something wrong with me that I didn't see it earlier?
I'm still glad I married him, if for no other reason than the magnificent kids we share.....
I know this is probably a bad idea - but I feel like poking him again regarding his living situation. If he is really living with OW - then he will have left me abruptly, moved in with an OW he claimed to have been seeing for only two weeks prior and then insisted on a divorce three months later. I think that would make it much easier to truly detach and even drop the rope.
Honestly the leaving abruptly and filing for divorce thre months later should be enough.....
I know this is probably a bad idea - but I feel like poking him again regarding his living situation. If he is really living with OW - then he will have left me abruptly, moved in with an OW he claimed to have been seeing for only two weeks prior and then insisted on a divorce three months later. I think that would make it much easier to truly detach and even drop the rope.
Honestly the leaving abruptly and filing for divorce thre months later should be enough.....
Raliced, I have deliberately not asked questions about things that I think the answers would make me not want to keep fighting for my M. Maybe that's sticking my head in the sand. Think hard about whether you really want to put things in your head that you can't recover from. Not saying you shouldn't, just realize it's a choice with consequences.
raliced -- just caught up on your situation and I am so sorry to hear what you've been going through this week. Can I ask: What were his grounds for D? Does he have to have grounds? I hope your situation can be resolved amicably. I'm struggling with anxiety about the dissolution process and if me and STBXH will be able to move through that amicably and with grace, keeping our D14's interests at heart. I know I am, but it's hard to trust someone who has lied so much.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
