Seriously, with the cat? I love d20's response. Sometimes our kids get it while we overthink it. That's funny.
Now, here is my take on some of your feelings. I believe that Smokey is probably a very insecure person. Insecure people manipulate and abuse others. Since they don't feel control over themselves or their emotions, they try to control someone else, like a spouse and/or children. In doing this, it gives them power, validates (in some weird way) their worth, and makes them feel that they have someone who cares because they that person is able to be controlled/manipulated.
In Smokey's reaction to you leaving... well, that's exactly what it is. A reaction. Smokey is scared, sad, insecure, lost, but he may not even know he has these feelings. He may be so out of touch to them, that the only thing he knows how to do is react. And how does that come out? In anger, belittling, trying to dominate, trying to knock down others.
Smokey is weak emotionally and mentally. Now, can you imagine what he feels now that the one thing he had to validate his strength and security (his family) up and left his @$$ (sorry, no disrespect)? What does he know to do? React. That's it.
Afraid? Huh, he is the one who is afraid, my friend. He may not know it, but he does at the same time. Here is this woman, who just left him to deal with the rest of the mess he created. You? You took the goods- the important things. Your girls. Your family. You went someplace new. You are doing it. You are taking care of you and your family. You are no longer under his control. That is scary for him. He is scared of you. He will try his antics, but don't ever fear that... because those antics come from a very weak place. Those antics reveal his weakness.
You are the strong one. He fears you. Don't underestimate yourself. You don't need to be nasty. You be you. Keep your concern right where it has been- taking care of you and the girls. He can't do that. And he knows it.
BTW- I loved your text to him. Spot on, girl. Nailed it!
Thanks so much. I believe you hit the nail on the head. Kinda wish I could hit the hammer on the head that is Smokey's.
I guess I anticipated a jumble of feelings with this move...but, maybe this is something you can't prepare for?? It just is.
Sooooooo, I have this long drive home and I was full of God's spirit. The sun was setting. I was listening to Mahalia Jackson. The countryside was beautiful. I saw a horse chasing some dairy cows down a hill playfully. I had helped proof my first issue of the paper and I discovered, again, that I CAN handle this!! And, I cried for Smokey and cried for myself...a bittersweet cry...sad for him being so off-the-charts and missing all this and proud of me. And, I realized, in that moment, there's nothing to fear. He is simply a very sick person who is lashing out because he's lost his family. He can try to do whatever...but, it really doesn't impact me. I will try to get my atty to put the temp support in place...but, even if it doesn't happen, I will be ok...I will earn what we need to make it and D20 will figure out college and we will get it done. We always get it done. And, I felt forgiveness. I forgive him for being so sick. IDK...I just cried.
Then, I came home...feeling very contented with my life and walked in the door and D12 had taken the entire day to put the downstairs into order. :-) It was beautiful. BEAUTIFUL. The downstairs, lacking a couch, chair, coffee table...all of it...it was beautiful and clean and a scented candle was burning in the kitchen and we made a soft place to sit and watched a biography of Agatha Christie :-) (a personal heroine of mine)...Life is good. :-)
Last edited by LoisB; 10/15/1412:00 PM.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Oh, and I had a crazy dream where I flipped out on my mom and she flipped out back at me. I was angry with her for allowing another damaged man rob me of my mother. I was screaming bloody murder at her for not helping me and sitting and pining away for another crazy a$$hat. At one point, in the dream, she flipped out back at me and glass went everywhere and I was terrified she hurt herself. Then, I felt a bit annoyed that I'd have to take her to the ER when I had other things to do. Interesting, huh? I was worried about her and annoyed all at the same time...Like, Seriously, woman, get your shid together!
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
OH!! And, then, I looked down and realized that I had a piece of glass stuck in my thumb. It was a bit hidden and I could have easily missed it, but it was pretty serious all the same. For some reason, in the dream, I was focused on the idea that I could have missed this piece of glass and it could have done some serious damage to me. But, I found it and I was relieved, but a bit worried that I may have missed some of it.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Louis, I sent a text that required no reply mine sent back.
So, what happens now?
In reply to " gun dealer said gun is all good" no action on his part nor reply needed.
I thought he had not completed paper work and it would affect me, but he hasn't done paperwork but he will suffer consequences not us. Oh I would reply to enquirery about the cat the location of his grave!
Last edited by Ggrass; 10/16/1401:32 AM.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
So, my office is done...D.O.N.E. Huge sigh of relief. I feel like I can, now, settle into my job. And, it's beautiful...well, cute and functional for now. The girls came down with me yesterday and we all worked our a$$e$ off to get it done. Stained this cool ol' drafting table to serve as a counter, picked up flowers/ferns/cornstalks/pumpkins from two different local nurseries/stopped at the flea market for some pictures to hang/hung all the pictures/spray painted a coat rack and chair black/set up coffee table and got some other stuff, etc...
And, now, I'm sitting in my pretty little office in Adams, NY...drinking my coffee and typing this. I'm a happy girl.
I just sent a mass email to the publisher, editors, powers that be so all can see what we accomplished with photos attached.
Now, it's time to get down to writing a newspaper and settling into this new life.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Apparently, the cat issue is, well, dead. Smokey sent me a delightful text this morning...
"Have you paid your car insurance for your new car? I will only be paying blah, blah, blah like normal and NOT the additional."
Gee, thanks. And, yes, our daughter is recovering from her dead cat just fine.
I'm going to put some make up on now. I'm a bit whipped. I also need to deal with the atty issue at some point...and, I need to make a nice spreadsheet of all I have spent, need to spend and what will be reimbursed from the paper.
I also need a haircut before the party on Saturday.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Well done! I knew you'd get it done and look how much your girls assisted you. It was a team effort and now you can sit back, drink your coffee and smile. Why? Because the heavy lifting part of this chore is done. Be sure to acknowledge the girls for coming out to assist you.
Everything is coming together nicely. I'm happy for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
