Stop interacting with him. Go away. Leave him alone. You are allowing him to make you miserable because he is miserable.
Make it a goal to go 24 hours without speaking to him. Then, make it a goal to go 12 without thinking about him. Go 3 days without going into his garage.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
I'm not a good judge on how much is the alcohol because he is a high functioning alcoholic , has a high paying job that he's been at since high school, and hardly ever gets to the point he's sloppy, even when he should
But here for the last couple years the sloppy drunk has appeared more often. The drinking has increased to include morning , and he has at times not known what he said. I've devoted the better part of today reading the "tips from wise veterans " and I need to make some goals, 180's, and gal. I'm so afraid to not see him for 3 days as you suggest, and I'll tell you why.
About 4 years ago I was beyond tired of the drinking and how he spent all his days off with friends and neighbors , playing cards, corn hole, tv, bars etc... He was not interested in family time, going somewhere with me or much of anything I would have liked. So I started spending my time apart from him, stopped talking to him, stopped being affectionate and I thought he would miss me and take notice.
He only from time to time would ask if I wanted to join him , but only in the activities I named above, so I got more resentful, and angry, and would nag at him constantly about how I felt , how everyone else was more important than me, how he wouldn't spend time with me, blah blah ... Well before I knew it 3 years had passed and he didn't miss me at all, in fact He jumped for joy if I ignored him. And that is why he says he has moved on and won't be rejected again. That 3 years was painful for him, and he says he doesn't believe that I love him, or that our m can ever be happy again.
Anyway, staying away from him got me in this situation in the first place. But I have spent almost a year trying to show him that I realize what I did, validate, and try not to blame him for anything. I in this time have walked through a war zone with him, and feel like the enemy.
I forgave all the things he did to me on my own without ever getting one apology from him.
He thinks it's all me and his hands are clean, I am ok with that right now because I want my husband back, not to win. He used to be so good to me.
I try not to focus on the drinking anymore and just accept it, I can't change that part of him and he's not interested. I realized a year ago that I had summed him up as a drunk and didn't even know him anymore. I missed him and desperately wanted us to be happy .
So in a nutshell, he was fine as long as I didn't want anything out of him, but when I started doing Db , and trying to show him that I loved him, and was going to accept the things I didn't agree with is when he started this was mode.
M 2005 ~together 1997 Bd 2006 & 04/02/2014 1 dd 12 H~ 44 Me 48
Ok. Knowing a little more I need to say I'm sorry for being harsh. If he is drinking in the morning be does have a real problem.
I would suggest getting some help with the alcohol issue. I certainly understand supporting him through the process. I really hope someone here will chime in regarding the alcohol issue.
Good luck and wish you peace and happiness.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
No, I'm at all thinking your to harsh, I really value and appreciate any and all feedback.
I guess we're dealing with two problems , wah and alcoholism , so don't always know what the best move is.
I worry that if I keep accepting the verbal attacks and lashings that he throws my way quite often that I will at some point feel there's no going back, or that I become weaker to him. Yes I know I can stop and walk away, but some of the things out his mouth are extremely cruel, and almost impossible to let go and keep a Pma. I need goals, focus, detach, 180's all that
M 2005 ~together 1997 Bd 2006 & 04/02/2014 1 dd 12 H~ 44 Me 48
I hope a seasoned vet can chime in on the alcohol issue.
Disclaimer: I am not a seasoned vet, but I do have some experience with the alcohol issue (not my H). If your H is an alcoholic, no amount of DB-ing is going to fix that. The issues are bigger than that. He needs to decide to do something about it, when he's ready. Until then, do you want to live that way?
rpp, Im an idiot today. How do you get the boards to post that "quote box"
You are funny, bdub. I use the "Quick Quote" button in the bottom righthand corner of the post you want to quote. Then use the "Preview Reply" button at the bottom of the Quick Reply box to make sure it looks like you want it to.
You are funny, bdub. I use the "Quick Quote" button in the bottom righthand corner of the post you want to quote. Then use the "Preview Reply" button at the bottom of the Quick Reply box to make sure it looks like you want it to.[/quote]
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
