advice needed - please help

[stacey9]

Just an update - H has consulted his L to start 'moving things forward'. I asked him what he meant and he said he cannot afford to keep paying mortgage. I asked what the L advised and he said he wanted to gather information regarding the finances and how things would be split. I asked if he wanted a divorce and he said yes. He never flinched, hesitated or looked sad. He just said yes as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. Which of course it it. For him.

I am gutted. I wanted him to look a little doubtful or hurt. But of course he is moving forward with his new life and OW and wants me out of it completely.

Husband's elderly aunt visited me last week and said to my sister afterwards that she couldn't understand what could make him walk out on such a lovely family.

I have not posted on here much over the last few weeks, but I've still been reading all the posts and keeping up to date with what's happening in your lives.

Things were going really great for me, I've had a couple of weekends away with friends and have things to look forward to.

I am just not ready to give up on my M. Is there any hope left?

[Georgiabelle]

Stacey,

There is always hope. I'm sorry as I know that was a difficult conversation with your h. Glad you have some fun over the weekends.

Hang in there and take care of yourself financially.

[SunnyB]

I'm sorry Stacey. I know this is not how you wanted things to go. Like GB, I believe there is always hope. Hang in there.

[MrBond]

What changes have you been implementing during this time? There is always hope.

[bdub]

To steal another quote " It's not over until you decide its over. You have not decided, so its not over"

Source: A wise vet from this board, unfortunately I cannot recall exactly which one.

[stacey9]

Thanks everyone for the kind words. It means so much to know you are here and all understand what this feels like.

Mr Bond my 180s have been
1. To not show any jealousy (a big bugbear of h while we were together)
2. To be upbeat and positive (not clingy)
3. To show him I can manage without him
4. My new fitness regime (I can really notice a difference in how I look)
5. DIY jobs round the house (still learning)
6. To not mention ow ( so difficult but I can't believe I've managed it)
7. Get out and socialise with friends

I know he must be surprised by some of these, they are not major things but I do feel stronger.

How should I interact with him now? I am willing to do anything that might help.

[MrBond]

Interact with him by not interacting. Be strong and continue to develop your confidence. Change the way you dress and have a life. Be beautiful both inside and out. Act as if he deserves the least of your attention.

[gan]

I know he must be surprised by some of these, they are not major things but I do feel stronger.

That's the key, Stacey. When you feel strong you can conquer the world!

We split finances before we separated and I was absolutely devastated when H proposed it. At the time it seemed to be such a definitive blow. Yet…4 months on I'm still here and H isn't sounding quite so confident about his decisions. Yes, there is always hope.

You know what to do. Above all, take care of yourself. Seek the information you need to be informed about how to look after your financial interests. GAL with friends. Stay calm. Keep on keeping on.

[stacey9]

Thanks ganb8te great advice and you give me hope.

Letter from L arrived today. I also noticed he's been to house and left his key. The symbolism of this is huge. The letter also states the L has been informed there is no prospect for a reconciliation. Don't know if this is standard for a first letter but it stings.

Just got to hope for the best .......

[SunnyB]

Stacey, it must have been difficult to open that letter. Hugs to you (((Stacey))).