Divorced and moving out.....still hopeful

[NewB3]

my past thread...
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2480572&page=1

Moving out in 10 days. She is being nice. Not pushing me away when I hug...asking for help with things that require physical touch.
Being her friend. Giving complements to her as I used to. Providing hugs. Validating and be loving.

[wmwb123]

I hope she comes around. I'd love to see you post here with a miraculous update.

[Card29]

New83, if you're not ready, don't give up. There are plenty of re-marriages after D. But if you're staying the course, then stay the right course: DB!! Detach, GAL, 180. If you don't, you will have no chance. Nothing is less attractive to a woman than a needy, codependent beggar. Be the best MAN you can be and post here anytime you need to. We're listening

[NewB3]

I do too. Mr. bond has given me good advice on the other thread. Hope I get some guidance here too.
This has been a long triathlon. Next up? More uphill running. I now have GAL and packing daily. She came home yesterday after some shopping and I had packed 10 boxes. As she came in her look spoke volumes. I have not seen that look on her in awhile. Made me feel good. Packed another 8 today. I am quickly cleaning out and packing. Every time she comes home, my plan is to move forward briskly. I know she wanted the D to move along quick..well, now I am.

[NewB3]

New83, if you're not ready, don't give up. There are plenty of re-marriages after D. But if you're staying the course, then stay the right course: DB!! Detach, GAL, 180. If you don't, you will have no chance. Nothing is less attractive to a woman than a needy, codependent beggar. Be the best MAN you can be and post here anytime you need to. We're listening

I am 180, not having to do them anymore, they are now a way of life. Detached 85% from what I felt, mostly the past 8 weeks. GAL is hard, see my last thread, but doing best I can at that.
Thanks for the replies! Let's have a conversation that will help others just starting this same path. Learn to walk this marathon before you can run it. This is NOT a race, but a journey. I can stop at anytime, however, I choose to be a better man and work on me. WAW has an open door, but it is her choice. I know she will be doing more soul searching and thinking once I am out.
Quick funny thing. She asked if she could use my boxes once I move out. I told her I would flatten them and on my last run, she could have them. She said she "did not want them flat......to save taping them again." Hmmm, and she will come get them. OKAY that means multiple trips, in her car to get boxes that I can return in one shot. Well, I guess that is a good sign??

[NewB3]

Some things to share...not sure where I got them, but they help me focus on my needs and doing the right thing. Hope this helps you too.
=i think =
remember...this is a marathon, not a sprint. NO, I think triathlon

Friendship...remember touch (subtle and non-sexual)
Compassion...Listen (no distractions)
Respect...See me (try to understand their view IS theirs...not necessarily wrong)
Loyalty...be Present (don't give them)
Trust...Communication (honesty)

Focus on near....be present and worry about tomorrow when it is present
Small goals.....keep positive
Patience...calm focus.

[NewB3]

It does hurt to not be able to tell her I love her and have it said in return. tis why I have not said it in awhile. Although a few weeks ago, I reminded her that I do love her and am here for her.
Funny that in C last night, her last session with me that she mentioned hoping we could be very good friends. She is here for me, all I have to do is ask. I told her and C that this seemed weird to me, because she has always offered her help and advice unwarranted, so why change that now. She mentioned boundaries and trying to respect my new life. Well, I said that I will not ask for help or her input every time. Should she see that I might need it, she should offer. Although I do know I stand back and let her deal with her situations and am there, but only offer help when she has given great efforts. I then offer and she lets me. I handle it and move on, not expecting anything in return. I am just building some last minute "points" in her mind for future reference. Surely she will remember how I have handled this situation all the way until the end.
So, in C I mentioned that S11 has not said much, but has trouble thinking of a life w/o her at home when he comes to visit from ex. It was mentioned by C, that she be at my new home when he arrives next Friday. She looked at me and said, "well, if I am welcome past the threshold of the front door. I do not want to invite myself." I told her if she was at the front door, that she might not be let in, that is for guests. Family and friends come to the side door. That comment got a smile and I followed with telling the C that having her over may be the only way I can get her to eat a good meal. (I have always cooked good meals for her). Another smile. So, I want her to feel welcome to approach me, unwarranted, but will go dark once I move.
Remember this, a dog on a leash may run from you at the park if they get loose. Should you chase, they will run faster. If you turn and go the other direction, just as fast and look like you are having fun, they will notice. Once they see this they will turn and run back to you. However, make sure your fun is for YOU and not a plot to get them back, or it will not hold them long.

[Shakspr]

Just checking in NewB. I'll be in your shoes soon, though I am staying in my home, she is leaving with the children. I, too, have a SS15, and I am very concerned about how much/little I'll be seeing him.

[NewB3]

Yes, but S11 is from a previous marriage. However, she has know him since he was 5. There were tears from her last night when talking about him. Going dark will help me. Just maybe it will help her reach out more. S11 wants that relationship, and I told her, as the adult, she would need to make sure to put forth effort as he may not. I do know he would welcome any time she gives him.

[Shakspr]

So, I am the SD on this one. The only thing I'll give my WAW credit for at this juncture is her insistence that I remain in SS15's life - I've been around since he was 1. His father sees him, but interacts little. We'll see...I am certainly willing to put in the time.