I was juuuust going to ask if you went to services. I want to wish you L'shana tova! I know it's not starting off quite how you want but it's still a new year...
I took my D to a children's service by myself this morning. I am meeting her and WAH tomorrow morning...
Elsa-- this is something I've felt in him, though he would vehemently deny it, and would state that the fact that I feel this way about him is one of the reasons he felt so unloved. So, I have to push myself to see the role I played as well. (We certainly don't speak each other's love languages). I could certainly offer a few examples that would make your eyes go wide... though I'm sure he could, too (of how I didn't consider his feelings, or didn't notice that he, in fact, was considering mine on many other occasions). And we can both be right about that.
And at the same time, he's told me that he one of the things he is working on, in IC, and at work (based on feedback from supervisors) is listening more closely and empathizing. So.... there ya go.
And as for this year... in some ways it is starting off really well, actually. I had a really lovely, pretty stress-free holiday dinner with my immediate family and D. That's almost unheard of, and I don't think they even realize how much I will treasure that memory.
My work year has started off quite smoothly--I am enjoying my students, and I think they like my class, too. I am starting this year feeling great about who I am as a person, what I have accomplished, particularly in the last 11 months, and how I now see the world and myself with new, more positive eyes.
It certainly hasn't been easy and there is much that I wish was different, but all things considered, I have many, many blessings for which I am so thankful.
I want to focus on the positives. Arrived at services and was greeted with a big smile by D and WAH said, 'You look nice.'
I stopped to say hello to another friend while D and H headed downstairs to family service. When I got there, D's seat was on the end of the aisle, then empty chair, then H. I paused, waiting for him to suggest some rearrangement of seating. He didn't, so I ended up sitting in the middle.
Service was great, DB-wise. D was engaged and charming (she was so cute and I was proud of the way she participated and behaved so well). H seemed relaxed, chatting with me, making jokes and conversation-- felt like my old H.
I complimented him on how nice D looked-- dressed so cute, hair in barrettes neatly-- he said, "one of the barrettes is already falling out." Asked D if mommy could fix it: "Mommy does it better than me". I said, "I dunno. Looks like you did a pretty good job!"
Last positive thing-- I touched him on his arm, twice. He didn't recoil.
Focusing on those positives. It brought me great joy to spend that time with my D. I felt like I totally accomplished my goal, and enjoyed myself and the rest of the day, too.
Met up with a good friend last night who met me and H after we were already married. I mentioned, "I wonder sometimes if he's going through some sort of MLC." She smiled and said, "Uh, obviously!"
glad you had such a good interaction. I'm betting your complimenting him on nice your D looked meant more than complimenting him on his appearance. Keep up the PMA!!!
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
That's great, Claire! I'm so glad that the services went well and that you walked away from the experience feeling like you accomplished your goal. That's pretty huge, especially knowing you were doubting whether or not you should go in the first place.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
My husband belittles his efforts on D's dress and hair but it's a GREAT opportunity to reinforce his efforts. Remember, failure of ALL kinds is an issue with men. I've noticed my husband is often saying, "D's hair is a wreck, I'm sorry". I try to build him up (without being too overly obvious) and you did just that. It may seem small but knowing you believe in him is often a big deal for men in general.
Remember, there will be more confusion, more not-so-fun interactions. I hate to be THAT reminder but the truth is you have THIS interaction to remind you that it goes back and forth. Focus on the good.
