All I can say to your story about last night is WOW, and good for you for making the effort! Does your H have a day job as a male porn star?
The only times I can "hold out" and I am talking a few more minutes, not hours, is when I have had a fair amount to drink, or when I have been MB with porn. There have been times when my W hasn't been stepping to the plate enough that I have myself and one of the issues with porn is that it creates unrealistic expectations, sometimes conscious sometimes not. So if I have been doing that, things that would have been exciting with my W can become less so. Not saying that is the issue with your H, but you might want to discuss it. If so, are you ready to commit to a more frequent schedule if he commits to staying away from MB?
Any other thoughts as to what it could be? I know some medications have that affect as well.
Again though, good for you for stepping up last night and this morning!
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
All I can say to your story about last night is WOW, and good for you for making the effort! Does your H have a day job as a male porn star?
LOL, no, but he should. he's always wanted to be in porn.
Originally Posted By: CharlieBrown
The only times I can "hold out" and I am talking a few more minutes, not hours, is when I have had a fair amount to drink, or when I have been MB with porn. There have been times when my W hasn't been stepping to the plate enough that I have myself and one of the issues with porn is that it creates unrealistic expectations, sometimes conscious sometimes not. So if I have been doing that, things that would have been exciting with my W can become less so. Not saying that is the issue with your H, but you might want to discuss it. If so, are you ready to commit to a more frequent schedule if he commits to staying away from MB?
there has been some discussion on porn and MB and how long it can take him. but in all honesty at that time I was not ready to step up to more frequency and I just dropped the subject and he occasionally does the MB to porn thing (I say that because he has decreases his porn usasge quite a bit since we had discussed it). IMHO, I think it has a lot more to do w/porn as he has been MB to it for many years before I ever came along...his first wife was, hmmm, how do I say this?...not a very kind, loving, giving woman. I'll leave it at that.. so, yes, i think mayhaps the MB and porn thing have something to do w/his lasting so long. And the ups and downs during that time. I think we have a few steps to take before we really get into THAT discussion/issue though. I think he may need to know that I'm ready (and *I* need to be ready) to step up to the 'task' as it were.
Originally Posted By: CharlieBrown
Any other thoughts as to what it could be? I know some medications have that affect as well.
Again though, good for you for stepping up last night and this morning!
CB
thanks. I'm not sure what else it could be other than stress, health issues (that no dr has seemed to figure out as he has spoken with several about this issue) and just the way he is *shrug*
Was it that he couldn't release, even though he wanted to and was trying? (that's how I read it)
If so, I'd suggest not even worrying about or trying for climax. Just have fun for XX amount of minutes, (yes, agree on a time) and then it's clothes back on, do something else time. Rest, repeat later or the next day.
Of course he should drop all MB.
After several sessions like this, I think things will start to pop naturally.
And yes, good job!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Was it that he couldn't release, even though he wanted to and was trying? (that's how I read it)
If so, I'd suggest not even worrying about or trying for climax. Just have fun for XX amount of minutes, (yes, agree on a time) and then it's clothes back on, do something else time. Rest, repeat later or the next day.
Of course he should drop all MB.
After several sessions like this, I think things will start to pop naturally.
And yes, good job!
Good advice
Is it possible you both have unrealistic EXPECTATIONS?
I kind of like to lead my life with NO EXPECTATIONS.
Gosh it really sounds like you performed like a rockstar, I also think that as we get older our hormones dont perform as well as when we were younger, this is perfectly natural and needs to be accepted by all.
Was it that he couldn't release, even though he wanted to and was trying? (that's how I read it)
If so, I'd suggest not even worrying about or trying for climax. Just have fun for XX amount of minutes, (yes, agree on a time) and then it's clothes back on, do something else time. Rest, repeat later or the next day.
Of course he should drop all MB.
After several sessions like this, I think things will start to pop naturally.
And yes, good job!
Good advice
Is it possible you both have unrealistic EXPECTATIONS?
I kind of like to lead my life with NO EXPECTATIONS.
Gosh it really sounds like you performed like a rockstar, I also think that as we get older our hormones dont perform as well as when we were younger, this is perfectly natural and needs to be accepted by all.
Keep up the good work.
I want to add to the "our hormones don't perform as well as we were younger"...
If you don't use it, it will regress. Use it so that it doesn't regress as much, it will keep a very high level if you use it quite often.
It's so good for your health and your mind, I don't know why people make it part of a power struggle.
It's important to keep talking about this and trying to resolve it with a MC or sex therapist. Because even if you manage to stay together and maintain a good marriage in every other respect, I can tell you what can happen over a period of a few years or more.
Right now you have tension in your marriage because your H sees sexual rejection as personal, and he still sees you as a sexual person. But he will eventually learn that it is not personal. Which is good news, and bad news. The good news is that he won't take it personally. But the bad news is that he has then separated his sexual attraction for you from personal feelings for you. And because of the 100's or even 1000's of sexual rejections, there will be a sort of negative conditioning about his sexual feelings for you and you will seem more like a sister to him. Someone who has a kind of "no sex" aura about her. It will be unconscious, but eventually his advances will drop off because he knows it's probably not going to be rewarded. But he'll still love you. It's simple conditioning.
Now that doesn't mean his interest in sex generally has been diminished. He will be just as interested in porn, other women, or whatever.
This is one possible scenario, with which I have personal experience. Your and your H's mileage may vary.
Was it that he couldn't release, even though he wanted to and was trying? (that's how I read it)
If so, I'd suggest not even worrying about or trying for climax. Just have fun for XX amount of minutes, (yes, agree on a time) and then it's clothes back on, do something else time. Rest, repeat later or the next day.
Of course he should drop all MB.
After several sessions like this, I think things will start to pop naturally.
And yes, good job!
WOW! great idea. thanks. I will suggest it. There are times when we give it so much time and then give up...and he does the same w/MB. He'll give it so long and then 'put it away' and do something else.
I will discuss this with him ... we have a MC appt later this week.
Thanks all for your shared experiences...I really appreciate it
If you think I was a rock star last Thursday night, you'll be impressed with my behavior over the weekend! I know he is .
ssmguy, I don't want him to see me as a sister and venture out to other avenues for satisfaction. I am very aware that that could happen if the rejections continue.
Apparently, I do enjoy it, once I get started...it's the getting started that I need to allow to happen. However, even once I get started, my desire level is no where near his...but we can work with that.
today I am singing ... trah la la boom dee yay did you get yours today I got mine yesterday That's why I walk this way...
yesterday during our work hours we were exchanging some 'adult' themed emails. LOL. I told him he has one hour after work with my body.
as much ML as we did over the weekend (and he did have some relief) the last session sunday evening did not bring him release...so I figured we'd do the time limit thing...as well as get him worked up...it didn't take long at all... that worked nicely.
He is also reading the SSM book! He reads a few pages in the evening...I don't say a word. I'm so glad he's reading it. And as he continues to read, I'm sure he'll be glad that I read it too.
we both want this to work...we both want to be happy and satisfied and LOYAL...
.