Made a tough decision today to keep the wedding album for the girls. But, the photo album he got me on our first anniversary...filled with honeymoon pics and pics of D20 as a baby are for him. I have tons of pics and I know he will store the album safely.
My grown up brain knows you are right Ur...it's the little girl who still doesn't understand how this person could turn his love off...and give it to someone else.
I leave tomorrow for another househunt in NY. I need to get outta here!!
Wonka, is there a drugstore test I can buy? Maybe the guy could pee on some stick and it would give me a PLUS SIGN for good guy and MINUS for bad??
I'm still unsure about the Forester. I don't trust myself in making a good judgement...However...I do notice that I'm quick to run when someone seems overly controlling. I've learned that lesson!
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I get that, H, about not getting how he could turn it off. I dont think they turn it off. I think they are so broken that they stuff it down. I think they feel so badly about themselves that they cant handle feelings of love for someone else.
What they have is built on a foundation of brokenness and self loathing. It is a house of cards. It will fall.
But that doesnt really matter. What matters is you.
I've had a rough morning. I'm getting right to it. Starting with the good news.
Arrived back from NY last night. We have a place!!!!! A beautiful townhouse with a view of the Adirondack Mountains out the back...invisible fence already installed, new washer and dryer waiting for us, three bedrooms, my OWN bedroom with two closets and a master bath connected...JUST FOR ME!!!!! Small one car garage, new appliances...YAY!!! $1250 per month.
And, the company committed to the office.
Bad news: The townhouse is 40 minutes, in good weather, from the new office. But, we looked at a lot of dumps and this is definitely a step up for us...which was the plan.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
The company is being stupid about this $2500 relocation money. They are direct depositing the $1250 and will reimburse me for the rest. Crud.
And, when they submitted the employment verification, I noticed the weekly pay didn't add up to $40,000 per year gross. So, I sent an email to try and sort that out.
Met with my attorney this morning. First, he asked me for $3,850 up front to file for divorce. He showed me how he has already gone above and beyond...I've paid $1,300 out of the original $1750 he was charging for the dissolution...but, he shows that the bill is up to $3,000 now. And, in order for a divorce, he is asking for the amount he normally requests...
So, I contacted him, after I digested the information and he said that he would need a good portion of it to get started, but not all of it.
WTF? So, I need to move, start a new job, buy a car to help me get from new home to new office in the middle of winter...Front the money for all of this...
And, to make things more complicated. If I walk away to NY, without filing...I would have to hire a new attorney in NY, but Smokey can keep this jackass he hired.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Do I file for temporary support? Pay off the remaining balance on this atty and start over in NY? I tried to figure out what the child support payment would be with my new income. I make $40,000 and Smokey makes $55,000 (as far as I know--last year's tax return).
How much can I ask for? Smokey would keep D12 on his insurance.
Do I walk away from the house?
Tell the mortgage company that I can't handle the payments and turn over the keys?
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I think I need to break this down...issue-by-issue...and pray (hard) for the right answer.
I don't have $3850...to begin with...or even anything close to that right now. So, there's that. I'd have to borrow from someone. I still have to work out how to hire/rent a truck and move all our stuff...yadda, yadda...
Frankly, I feel like Smokey is getting a lot of attention/energy right now that I don't have to give. I want to protect myself and the girls, but, mainly, I just want to get the hell outta here.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
If my attorneys calculations are correct on my wife who makes 50K per year you would see between $130 to $150 per week in child support from smokey.
On the spousal support it depends on what kind of state you are in. Are you in a community property state vs New York? You may want to look into compare and contrast the divorce laws in each state and if they favor one gender over another before you decide on where to file. New york is probably more liberal than Ohio, though upstate is more conservative. You may also have to wait a period of time before you can file in New York.
Is the house in both your names? If so, I would tell spouse you are moving and cannot afford the house anymore and either he pick it up or you both have to decide to jointly give it back to the bank.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
I guess I'm reaching a point where I'm wondering if I should just cut my losses and go. File for temp support...get the $415 each month...let him deal with the house.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Not sure if it matters about moving, but I live in ny & just went through this. You just have to say m has been broken for 6 months. Being separated for 6 months has that covered. Then u can file. He 20 days to respond from then. If he signs saying he agrees, d is final lickety split. If he does not respond, it is sent to judge, takes another 20 days- then d will be granted. It does not take much time/effort. I was never even told when it was going to the court/judge. Way too easy if I ask me. NY now mirrors Cali law for d.
