I'm sorry you are struggling. You've received stellar advice. Forgiveness is for YOU. It's not to *win * someone back. Stop focusing on "what if w......? how can w....?", etc. The only person you control is you. Either work on you or don't. This isn't a gimmick. Sorry if that's harsh although it appears you are looking for an answer when there is none.
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 09/16/1404:22 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Yeah, I know. I keep looking for answers that don't exist. I am working on me, though. I'm stronger now than I was three months ago. I also have a better outlook.
M 16 T 17 W moved in w/ AP (OW) 5/14 ILYBNIL 5/14 A discovered 6/14 D papers served via USPS 8/14 Filed my response 9/14 D final 5/15...
When she left and before I knew there was an A, I begged her for another chance. I asked her why she was leaving, and she said it was because I always got what I wanted. She claimed that she always went along with whatever I wanted to do and that she had killed her own desires to do it. She said now she wants to be independent and live life her way. That is all I have to go on. We honestly did not argue. I can't even remember when we last argued.
This is HUGE. I got the same reasoning when my W dropped the bomb on me. I explored this a little and it became very evident in my sitch that W felt her opinion didnt matter and we just always did what I wanted to do and that was it. It made her feel like she was in a father / daughter type relationship. In fact, I recall a few times she even said " stop treating me like you are my dad". I thought it was ridiculous at the time. Looking back, I screwed up big time. Take some time to explore this issue. If this is actually your case also, you can start working on it and start letting go of the control. Early on in our R, my W said " score points, make a decision". I took that and ran with it for 15 years thinking I was racking up the points. I never looked back and she never tried to stop me.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Well, in that same conversation, I told her that if that was how she felt that I would leave all decisions up to her from now on. I told her I trusted her judgment. And I do. I thought all our decisions were mutual, but maybe she felt that they weren't. I didn't see it that way, but if she did, I'm not going to dispute it. I don't know how I can show her anything different while she lives with her AP and has filed for divorce, though.
M 16 T 17 W moved in w/ AP (OW) 5/14 ILYBNIL 5/14 A discovered 6/14 D papers served via USPS 8/14 Filed my response 9/14 D final 5/15...
Well, in that same conversation, I told her that if that was how she felt that I would leave all decisions up to her from now on.
Appeasement and supplication. Not attractive.
Now you tell me. Just kidding. At the time I did not realize there was an A, so I was begging and pleading. Did I mention I was so distraught I actually vomited in front of her? Yeah, I was not attractive those first few weeks.
M 16 T 17 W moved in w/ AP (OW) 5/14 ILYBNIL 5/14 A discovered 6/14 D papers served via USPS 8/14 Filed my response 9/14 D final 5/15...
Yeah, I could use a laugh. This whole situation is awful. I think I messed up pretty bad at first. She left me on May 29, and I begged an pleaded until June 9. I discovered the affair shortly after that. I really haven't handled any part of this process well. Her last message to me was on August 9, and I haven't communicated with her at all since then. I got the D papers at the end of August. She told me I was a "good and faithful husband," so I hope she meant it and that she'll start to remember good things about me now that she's got all the space she wants.
M 16 T 17 W moved in w/ AP (OW) 5/14 ILYBNIL 5/14 A discovered 6/14 D papers served via USPS 8/14 Filed my response 9/14 D final 5/15...
Just kidding. At the time I did not realize there was an A, so I was begging and pleading. Did I mention I was so distraught I actually vomited in front of her? Yeah, I was not attractive those first few weeks.
