W did mention that she talked to our mutual friend that was going to rent her the house in town. She said that the other people are still in and it did not look like they were going to be moving anytime soon. The owners brother and mother are living there and from what I understand they are not paying rent OR utilities. Why would they want to move? I still have the gift of time. Pretty soon though, her issues with feeling "stuck" are going to come out again. Although, since the OM is gone, the word "stuck" has not been used.....mindreading or babystep?
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Just journaling some more. I was pretty down last night and even had some anxiety. Not sure why. Our interactions were pleasant and she even initiated a few conversations. Instead of the 2 or 3 sentences thrown at each other we actually interacted. I was actually bored last night, W took s10 to football practice. I volunteered and she said she would go, and just sit in the car and grade papers. I need to figure out where the anxiety came from. It wasnt a huge deal but it was there and I was unsure how to deal with it. I took s13 out to the barn and played basketball with him for 45 minutes and that took care of the issue.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
M: 15 years BD: 6/25/14 EA/PA: starts 5/14/14 11/30/14 - A ends 5/15/15 - D is finalized. 11/28/15 - Start of new LTR with a wonderful woman (and still going strong)!
No. As far as I know they have been face to face 3 times. I am not naive enough to think it could NOT have gotten physical, but I am fairly certain it was emotional. When I was snooping there was no talk of physical, and throughout the conversations we had, W said she was using him as emotional support and someone to lean on. If it would not have stopped, it would have gotten physical. She told me she had plans to go to dinner with him. The night before the dinner was to happen a mutual friend confronted her about what she was doing and it changed W's mind. The night the dinner was supposed to happen she stayed home.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Had a pretty major backslide last night. I let her bait me into an argument and I could not let it go. We went back and forth for 20 minutes. She sucked me into it and then did all the usual. She changed topics, brought up the past, attacked, insulted, and talked in circles. I got frustrated and dropped all the validating and went on the defensive. I then started attacking her and being stubborn. We both raised our voices and both got angry and frustrated. Luckily it ended a little better than normal but it was not a good episode. We started talking about money issues again. thinking we would go ahead and get through the last 2 hurdles I sat with her and participated. She wanted to raise CS by 50 dollars even though we had already agreed on a number. I asked her why and she couldnt give me a reason and that frustrated her. I asked her what her budget showed and she told me she didnt have one. Eventually I blurted out that I had figured one for each of us a few weeks back and she asked to see it. I showed it to her and she instantly argued almost every single value I had down. Then out came the "controlling" remarks. I guess I could see it as controlling if I would have done the budget and then given it to her. I simply wrote down a budget for each household so I could see if things were going to work and be some what equitable. I should have never even mentioned it. So, now its back to detaching, GAL and back on the 180s. Last night was temporary and I know to only believe half of what she does and none of what she says. This s*cks and it is not how I envisioned my life.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Today was a better day. I had IC yesterday and that really helped. I spent the entire hour talking about the intereaction with W from the night before. For the first time my C sort of told me that he was excited about the changes I have made. He also said that he gives me a ton of credit for handling things the way I do and that he doesnt agree with a lot of her methods and tactics. For the first time in 15 years someone actually sees that SHE might be the one being difficult. This is HUGE for me as I had thought that whatever I did was wrong and I was not handling things right and that I set her off and it was mostly my fault. The C has seen each of us individually and has seen us together. To hear him tell me that he didnt agree with how she was acting really helped me. I have finally pulled out of the funk that had sucked me in since Monday. When W got home last night i pulled her aside and apologized to her for my part. " I want to apologize for how I acted towards you last night. It was juvinile, immature and unproductive. I also want you to know that I am dissapointed in myself for allowing it to happen." She accepted my apology and said " its ok, we both were"
I didnt chuckle in front of her, but when I left the room I had a good chuckle. My C asked me point blank " how often does she apologize to you?" I told him not very often. He flipped through his notes and stated that he had noticed that in our sessions together she had never apologized to me and rarely even aknowledged there could be another opinion other than hers. The reason I chuckled is that C then stated that one of her complaints about me and our R is that I never apologize and I have to be right all the time. She likes to make this point known to anyone she talks to. She goes out of her way to tell people that I never admit I am wrong and never apologize. OK, thats the end of my "winning" rant. After the soccer game and football practice we sat down and talked about 2 of the issues that tripped us up the night before and resolved them. We even laughed out loud together while watching a re-run of our favorite sit com.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Tonight could be a tough one for me. S13 is going to a friends for the night, S10 and I are camping with friends. W is helping with a community picnic at the church. She is going to go home after that and not come to the campsite. Said she wants to go to church in the morning, and has to be there to help teach Sunday school. She has told me she has stopped seeing OM and I have to believe her. I can already feel a little anxiety starting. In the past I have not dealt well with not knowing where she is and what she is doing. I have been detaching and working on my controling issues. If I can keep it together through this I will know I have made big progress. If I cannot, and I break down and drive home, or call or text I will know I still have a long way to go. I have to find a way to allow myself to trust her tonight.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Expectations: Being excited that W texts to ask a question re: a street name or location. (I have always been good at that type of info). Waiting a while to respond. Responding with the correct info. Then waiting for a thank you and being pissed off that it never comes. Expectations.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
bdub - that is still a tough one for me too. I still think that things can just go back to "normal" and conversations end with a thanks or smiley face. You tend to get used to that and expect that as a couple. But it's gone for now.
Don't read into it. But appreciate it if it comes back some day.
(and it's funny that we never thought of these little things as being important when everything was going well - it just happened.)
Me-45 W-44 S21, S18, D15 T-27, M-21 BD Jan 2014 PA revealed March 2014 In-house separation - April 2015 I filed - Aug 2015 She moved out Oct 2015
What is it about weekends that drives us all crazy? If I let it, I can agonize over what my W MIGHT be doing on a Saturday night. Don't let the hamster in the hamster wheel go too crazy. Camping should be fun, right? Do you do the sleeping bags on the ground with your son, and keep away from all electronics while camping?
