A new day, a new way - MLP Pt. 2

[Jacket]

Forgive me, MLP, as I haven't read your entire thread, but in reading this page, I'm wondering if you've read Codependent No More? Even though my H and no one in my family are alcoholics, I still found it really helpful.

[Eatsma]

I will have to check out Codependent No More. Thanks for the tip!

Had to set a hard boundary last night based on emails that H sends me about open or plural relationships. Seriously....He claims that he just wanted me to understand the psychology of it. I told him that it is like pouring salt into a deep wound.

He tossed and turned all night (me, too). This morning we went back to our regularly scheduled behavior of "as if."

Pleasant, but not fun.

[u-turn]

this sounds so familiar to me. From unbelievably insane thoughts (thoughts of open marriage or "work spouses") to full ignore the elephant mode in a matter of minutes.

[dawgy]

My W actually suggested an open marriage back when I found out about the affair . Open marriage LOL like that would work . I said absolutely not for many reasons , one being the case of what im dealing with now . And that is developing deep feelings for someone else . I thought it was absurd and I think she believed it could work now she must be able to see why I was against it .

[Eatsma]

My H actually told me back when that he and OW didn't want open marriages.

They don't want their spouses seeing other people - they just want to be able to see each other with our blessings.

Yeah. That sounds TERRIFIC.

[Maybell]

!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, that sounds totally practical!!!!

I don't know how you do it. My H is on a different continent and I can't keep it together. I bow to you, lady.

Very much wish things were better at your house.

[labug]

I just read your first thread-WOW! He is a bit loo-loo right now, huh?

About your R with your D-great job.

Fear of intimacy-me too. I've had to dig deep on that one.

Harriet Lerner (author) her books are a bit dated but still relevant, I think.

Have you read This Is Not the Story You Think It Is? Another version of letting go.

[Eatsma]

Well....

After many days of I love you and never want to be without you and you are the reason I wake up in the morning...

I left with S for a music lesson.

I realized I had forgotten a check, so I went home.

And there in the kitchen was h, unpacking his "prescription" that he only uses with OW. (He carries it in his work bag.)

He heard me and jumped like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar and scampered into a dark room, calling out cheerfully about my return.

Tonight I guess I tell him that I'm going to step out of this three pronged relationship. It's too crowded for me.

Do I stay in my bed or sleep elsewhere? I don't know.

I'm shaking, I'm mad, but I don't think I'll cry. Enough.

[MrBond]

Is there any reason why you didn't confront him? This is all part of the false starts. It's important for you to call him out on it when it happens.

[Eatsma]

Only that we were late to the boys lesson, but that is important. Have just gotten home and he is acting as if nothing is wrong. It seems he thinks I didn't notice.