So it wasn't your son that hurt you, you felt <something> because the expectations you had for their lives haven't panned out.
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I'm realizing that I'm limited in my ability to keep that promise. I've revised it to promise as best I can to give them the skills to deal with difficult people in their life, including me and their father. I can't do that if I'm behaving dysfunctionally myself.
Simply, yes. And we are all limited.
Expecting more than that is what keeps us in the cycle of unhappiness. Can we grow? Sure, but it's a process. Be gentle with yourself.
Last edited by labug; 09/07/1404:58 PM.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Needing to remember today that I am stepping back. I've been fixating a little bit and I don't want to be. I can't fathom him coming back from this. He has wine with lunch and an Irish coffee for dessert on a weekday, at least with me. I don't see him acknowledging that could be a problem. So I need to step back and heal. This isn't on me. Labug said:
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Your H is in a romance with a lover that you can't compete with so don't try. That lover doesn't ask for anything, requires no conversation, accountability or emotion. And it makes him feel oh, so good...for now.
I can't change that. But I am sad to know that's what he's doing to himself.
Stepping back. Stepping back. And remembering that healing isn't all about serenity, though it's nice to enjoy those moments.
I have things to do today, I'm off to start those. He's on my prayer list, I can't do much more than that.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Maybell, I too struggle with the reality of the life I feel that I promised my daughter and the reality of what we now face. (see the end of my latest post) But I also tell myself that this is an opportunity for growth for both of us. I have the opportunity to be a role model in how to handle adversity with grace and dignity. She can learn from that, and also will learn the hard lesson that life brings changes, some of this unexpected and disappointing, but that life goes on -- and in the meantime all we can do is take care of ourselves and others while weathering the storm, knowing that it will one day come to an end.
I do struggle with how long I want to stay in the storm, though, feeling unempowered. But my uncle reminded me that "smooth seas don't make good sailors." So I try to look at this whole experience as a learning opportunity, a chance to embrace change and see what might come of it, hopefully for the better.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Well, my mother is still ignoring my calls. I didn't send a card because they've moved while they build a new house and I don't know the address, but I guess I'll send one with an apology to the old house and just let it get forwarded. I was supposed to stay with them for my brother's wedding but I guess I'll get a hotel instead.
I think I have a lot to heal from here. Guess it's going to be a day for acknowledging sadness and figuring out how to cope with all this hurt.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
My mother finally called back. So silly - all over a Facebook post.
Ran a couple of errands with my good friend today. She asked about my status and I realized... I'm just tired of talking about him. Tired of thinking about him. Tired of wondering what he's doing and why he's making these choices. I'm not feeling serene like yesterday but it is nice to not feel so utterly invested anymore.
I hope he finds his way because he and my kids deserve for him to be healthy. I don't even want to think about what it would be like if he and I came back together. I'm too tired of the drama to imagine it. I'm interested to see how my life evolves from here.
God grant I can persist in this place after he returns from his trip. That's my greatest desire at the moment.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I hear you. I told friends and my family that I absolutely do not want to discuss stbxh. If I want to, I will let them know. Not much to chat about. It is exhausting with the questions.
Focus on you, Maybell. You sound like a great mom and a wonderful person:-)
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 09/08/1406:58 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Wow. This is contagious. I was just thinking yesterday that I'm so exhausted. I was feeling sick, and the thought of having to out on my best self, my PMA, worrying whether the house was clean enough or whether I had done whatever D3 related tasks I was supposed to do in order to show that I am someone only a fool would leave...
I felt tired of doing that. I felt like, I don't give a rat's tush whether he thinks the house is a mess or that i look a little cranky. That's life. He wants a perfect life? I wish him well in finding it. I want a partner who will accept me and stand by me, warts and all. I want someone who sees my value and will work just as hard as me to create happiness together. Someone who is at least willing to talk about it and take steps together as a team to fix it.
I've totally hijacked you, Maybell. I'm sorry. This struck a chord with me, obviously!
