I found a perfect townhouse. Three bedrooms, fireplace to help with heat, modern so it's energy efficient, safe/great kid neighborhood and 15 minutes from my office. $1,600 per month. Sewer, water, trash included...How do I do this? I can probably negotiate down some...but, still...I have no idea how much I will be spending for heat per month.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Can you do a two-bedroom townhouse? Also I'd ask your D20 to contribute towards rent.
When negotiating, I always ask:
"What would be the lowest price you're willing to consider"
One thing that puzzles me here the most is the why in your company insisting that you live in that particular area? You should be allowed some freedom on where you REALLY want to live and within reason.
The newspaper I'm editing covers the southern part of the county, so they would like me established in that area. I, technically, can live wherever I choose...but, I have to factor in drive time and the snow...I will have an office in the southern part of the county and I need to be close enough to get to D12 when needed, quickly.
I am certain I will ask D20 to contribute...I just am unsure what is a fair amount to ask of a 20-year-old. I want her to be able to afford college courses too.
I know it will all work out. It's just getting it figured right now, no a short time frame.
As far as asking my dad. I've had to ask him for so much help in the past. He always waits until I ask. Never offers. I wouldn't put it past him to cut Smokey's b'day money this month in an effort to pressure me ASK. He loves it when I have to ask for help. It kinda [censored]. So, my sis and bro are both married and get double the amount for b'days than I do. I'm raising two kids alone and Dad knows that Smokey refuses to contribute to D20's living expenses at all.
This is more about me just venting about my crazy family and realizing I can't change a damn thing where they are concerned. I DONT WANT TO ASK FOR HELP AGAIN. DAMMIT.
Oh, and mom spent the weekend at her old house helping Stepdad out with the dog because he went away for the weekend. "I will come an help, maybe next week..." I'm sick of all of em.
What other options do I have?
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Aahhhh, gotcha, Heather. Vent all you want....(plus it's your thread lol).
Family is so complicated. Sure, they help.... But it's usually with strings and expectations, guilt, now they "own" your decisions, ugh. Some of my fam is the same.
My dad passed away a few years ago. He always said that if he had it to give someone, it was never to be considered a loan. Also that it never needed to be discussed again. He said he never wanted to ruin relationships over debt. That people find themselves in a bind, and after you help them, if they can't pay you back, they avoid you in shame. He never wanted a relationship to have shame attached. I sure miss him:).
Didn't mean to hijack. Just had a happy thought to share.
The townhouse sounds great. I really hope it works out as easily as possible for you.
I think I'm just in anger mode today. I'm a bit hormonal AND stressed about finding a place. I just got off the phone with another agent. He is suggesting Rent-to-Own...and, I can see why. I keep getting this suggestion because of the outrageous rents. I would need $10,000 down though.
I know the solution is waiting. Just haven't found it yet.
I'm going to try to head back up on Weds...Friday at the latest.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Have an appointment to sit down with atty on Friday at 9 a.m. to discuss what do about the house/dissolution proposal. I spoke to him on the phone last week, but this will give me a plan of action.
Got honest with a realtor in NY about my situation/credit/and hopes for finding a place suitable in the area. Felt good to ask for what I need. Again, touched base with newspaper to let them know what I'm up to and asked for some help in learning the page layout of the paper.
Felt good asking for what I need in both cases. I'm willing to ask the newspaper to pay for the help from the realtor. The editor continues to send me rentals available, so I know that they are aware of the challenge in my situation.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Don't forget to take some time to depressurize every once and again. Your dad sounds so much like my FIL used to be. He NEVER gives anyone anything without strings attached. Just be glad that he isn't doing to you what my FIL is doing to my W! Imagine how it would feel if he told you that he would love to help you, be a part of your life BUT you need to dump your family because he see's the way you live as a "waste" of your life! And at the same time keep telling you how is so close to death, time is running out, etc.
I love seeing just how well you are doing! Keep going, don't let other, flawed people slow you down or get to you. You got this and your D's will be so proud to have a mom like you that they can look up to! It's too bad all of us on the boards are so far from each other. I'd come out and give you a hand if I could anytime and I'm sure I'm not alone!
I wish I could take you up on your offer of help :-)
Still no card for D12 from Smokey. Her birthday was Sunday.
I feel hollow inside. I can't imagine how she feels. My dad had an MLC and affair, but he NEVER DID this shid.
On the one hand, I feel validated that I'm making the right decision going to NY. On the other, IDK. I just hurt for her. She is already reeling from this move. I'm glad I'm not working right now. I've been able to stop and play Mario Bros or cuddle her or just diffuse the situation some. We are poor as church mice...but, I'm here for her. It hurts. She is in pain and I feel like I'm making it worse.
How did I marry someone capable of this? This sick? How? Even if the card comes tomorrow...there's not justification for not getting her a card before her birthday.
I don't want her to feel the rejection like I have. I want to protect her and I can't. I don't care how sick or MLC or addicted or whatever...WTF?
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Heather, Your h probably won't send her a card since he texted her. If he did send one, it may be delayed due to the Labor Day Holiday. But I wouldn't be "expecting" him to do the right thing these days. It's a shame, but all you can do is love your daughter.
You and your daughters may discover that once you move and the divorce is final, he may have even fewer connections w/them. Some of these completely wipe their "former" families right off the slate and go on w/their lives.
I hope he comes to realize what he had and lost. Such a shame.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
