"Speak Softly": The Amoeba Whisperer!

[GoatGal]

Matt---my thoughts EXACTLY!


I keep thinking he won't meet anybody decent with whom he's compatible.
Then I realize, that's NOT what he's looking for.

He thinks he is, but he's really just looking for ANYONE who will make him feel better.

And that person can be anyone/anything...as long as they're available and WILLING.

That's pretty much all he's after at the moment.

If he wanted a good person, a good match, someone honest, loving, fun, smart...all the rest, the whole package--well, here I am!

Nope. That's "not attractive".


So yes, I think there ARE a lot of people out there who are so lonely and needy that they'll settle for whatever crumbs these people hand out.

And let's not forget, our MLCers are playing a role in these OP relationships.
They are painting a picture of themselves---and us---that is far from reality.

They're actors, acting out the MLC script we all know so well.

They just believe it's REAL.

And unfortunately, so do the OPs. They don't know that our S's are crazy and treating us like dirt.

They believe the stories about how awful we are, how they're trapped in a loveless marriage... the whole thing.

I have a casual friend who has been the OW several times. (I THINK I may have reformed her, but perhaps not.)

She gave me the whole line on this man and that:
"Oh--this guy's wife was horrible, denied him sex, blah blah..."
"This one's wife is mentally ill and he just couldn't take it anymore..."
"This guy was just so unhappy, he married the wrong person, he just didn't know it until he met me..."


I told her: THEY LIE!

It was like a shock to her system.
No, they only lie to their wives, not to MOI!!!!

I said, "My husband told his OW basically all the things you just said. Now, you know me. Do you REALLY think I would have stayed with a man almost 30 years if we had a loveless, horrible marriage? And am I really so old and ugly and (take my word for it) frigid and sexless that he'd have to look elsewhere?"


She looked as though she'd taken a mistaken hit from her STFU bottle.

In a word, the lighbulb came on and she was speechless.


Oh, and yes. She is also lonely, needy, a little "odd", overweight, with some serious baggage, not much of a judge of character and willing to take what she can get, and sleep with guys she hardly knows on the first date, thinking that's the way to their hearts.


So there you go. Classic OW material.

---GGG

[LoisB]

Can they really fake being THAT charming when they can't even seem to not drop their food wrappers on the floor when they're around the LBS?

Yes, I think they CAN fake it BRIEFLY...Not so much with people who REALLY know them though...hence, the whole new crowd to hang in.

Are there really that many broken people in the world who are so desperate that they will debase themselves for someone who is already married a lot of the time, who can't think of anyone but themself and have so much baggage?

Yeppers. Yeppity, Yes, YEP!! Sadly, there are many, many broken people in the world. What was the Beatles' song about all the lonely people in the world??? Ding! Lots of broken, wounded, abandoned, desperate people in the world...all looking to fit somewhere...no matter the price to their soul. Like attracts like.

And, my personal response to all this brokenness??? Welcome to the Army of Goodness and Light. WE have been saddled with marching forward and showing the way through the path of destruction...especially for the children of abandonment.

Heavy shid. God must think we are up to the challenge.

[GoatGal]

Georgiabelle,




"Neurosurgeon Trainwreck". CHECK!!!!
I know plenty of folks who come off as accomplished and together. But they're not when you get to know them.

Yes, they have some redeeming qualities, we all do, but IN THE R WITH OUR S's they are settling for something pretty messed up.


I don't think anyone who's got their chit together would get involved with our MLC spouses. Or anybody's spouse!


I wouldn't!


Which is one reason why I hate the terms "affair" and "mistress".
They imply glamour, beauty, scintillating sexuality, excitement, and a sort of class to the whole thing.
So "romantic".

But the reality is so far from that.

So I prefer:
Cheating
Adultery
Betrayal
Infidelity

As I recently read,
"Adultery is not something that occurs between two consenting adults. It's something a married person does to his/her spouse and family."

Hallelujah and pass the STFU juice....



---GGG

[GoatGal]

And yes, Lois,


You are so right.

GUBU is holding it together rather well at work, so I'm told.
He goes out with his (subordinate) co-workers about once a week now.

(Well, actually, he's taking them out and buying them rounds... can you say "Buying attention"????)

He has no life outside of that, I think because he's not comfortable if he's not the BOSS and the top dog.

But with these employees, he can "play' at being all together, on top of his game, Mr. Moneybags, buying drinks for his (female) staffers.

Yup.
He's playing "pretend". Meanwhile, here's me who knows most of his dirty little secrets now, and really nobody else does....

Except I bet former OW has a few stories of her own to share.
One reason why he probably did quit that when it was done.

He can't be around someone who doesn't think he's perfect, and I know she sure doesn't.
Not anymore, anyway!


--GGG


PS: Thanks a lot for stopping by! I guess I was getting a little lonely. Yes, that does happen to me from time to time.

[GoatGal]

Beatrice,

I think there is that desire to inflict pain so they're not the only one "suffering".

Sad, but true.

---GGG

[LoisB]

PS: Thanks a lot for stopping by! I guess I was getting a little lonely. Yes, that does happen to me from time to time.

There's always company to be had here. :-)

I know goats can be fair weather friends.

[GoatGal]

Heather,

My goats are wannabe Lap Goats. But they can't really carry on a conversation.

Well, they CAN, it's just the same thing over and over... MwaaaahhhhhH!!!!!!


"I WANT!!!!!" (Love, attention, food, this food, not that food....)

---GGG

[Mighty]

But I often get the distinct impression that, on some level, he wants me to SUFFER.

Yes, I think that too. Can't decide if I am imagining it, but think I am not.

Yup! I feel the same way. I feel like he has tried to make my life as difficult as possible without having to put much effort into it himself. He just wants to be difficult when the opportunity is easy.

[GoatGal]

And I have to vent a bit.

I just got an email from our health insurance company saying that the password to log onto our online access portal was changed.

My guess is that GUBU, in his infinite wisdom, has decided he needs to prevent me from seeing what he might be up to medically/psychologically.


WHY????
Why does he do this? Why does he HIDE things from me all the time?

Why does he keep lying by omission?

Don't I have some little right to know if he's ill, if he's getting treatment for the elephant in the living room... I am really so much the enemy?

Doesn't he think it's relevant?

Why so much secrecy?

No need to answer, I know, I know. It just stinks.
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I think it's all the lying and hiding that gets me more than anything else.

I feel like having a cry now...
I just don't understand sometimes.

I try not to let it get to me but...

He's probably re-routing the insurance info to work or his friend's house to ACTIVELY HIDE whatever it is FROM ME.

I'm his WIFE.

I really feel like puking again.
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And he's clearly still REALLY pissed about me simply saying that Tuesday is "my open mic night".

He hasn't said a peep since his last nasty text yesterday at five.

He would usually ask if the tree guys were here working... but--crickets.

It's funny because I didn't ask him to explain his absence, just said that I had plans, and he got all belligerent about my response.

Hey, how am I supposed to know that he's not out chasing young employees and embarrassing himself further and THAT's the reason he's "not going to be there". After all, without giving a reason, isn't that what he's implying?

That HE can go and HAVE FUN TOO!!!

"Nanna-nanna boo boo, stick your head in you-know-what!!!"

Anyhow, I'm not going to "cover" for him so he can skip out in an effort to troll for OW, while dumping the work on me.

No doubt this is part of what is p*ssing him off.
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Vets,
I could really use some advice about how to establish this boundary without tipping my hand, creating more tension, or coming off as suspicious and demanding.

I will gladly cover for work stuff, of course I will!

But I won't be taken for granted and dumped on so he can go on "dates", lying to other women about his readiness for a "serious relationship."

That's more than I can take.

But I want to be cooperative, supportive, nonjudgmental....


If I say it's gotta be "work" then he'll just lie to me anyway.


I guess what I "want" is for him to give me a REASON why he won't be here.

Just saying "I won't be there" isn't good enough.

But he knows I'm here--it's not like I can just walk out on all these animals and leave them to fend for themselves. Not in good conscience.

And he knows that.

I am SO SICK OF THIS GAME-PLAYING with him.

He tries to get my goat (!!!), push my buttons, lie and hide and sneak around....


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Oh, and BTW, the other thing that popped up on Linkedin the other day was a woman's name who we'd had a big fight about months ago.

He had a pink piece of paper hidden in his truck with her name, email, phone number, and "create password"... the handwriting looked like a a very young woman.
I was thinking it was some online sex thing... from someone he met.


He was very snarky when I confronted him, sneering at me, saying:
"I have NO IDEA who that is..." Smirk, smirk.

Well, she popped up with a picture.
Turns out she's the matronly gal who runs their security service for when the alarm goes off.

And he WANTED me to think it was some "Babe", that he had so many he couldn't remember or something.


Just lies. Secrets and lies.

I am so over it.

---GGG

[LoisB]

Classic trait of the alcoholic...

I, being the crazee person/MLC-er, set YOU up (being the loved one) by doing despicable things until YOU snap and act insane yourself...VOILA!! Then, I have my justification for my behavior. SEE!!!! You ARE crazeeeeeeee. I have every reason to drink, sleep around, act the cad, etc...