no, we have not met with attorneys. At least she has not mentioned it to me. I doubt she would have, since she really wants me to move to NYC with her. So if we are divorced before that, somewhat hinders his plans.
Would you recommend that I do?
Me: 40, W: 40 M: 15, T: 18 D - 10, S - 7 D announcement 6/7/2014 A discovered 7/20/2014 (but denied by W) Still living together and sharing same bed
no, we have not met with attorneys. At least she has not mentioned it to me. I doubt she would have, since she really wants me to move to NYC with her. So if we are divorced before that, somewhat hinders his plans.
Would you recommend that I do?
Yes, I think it's wise. You don't have to actually DO anything (I didn't, not for a good two months) but it's always good to know your rights, responsibilities, potential threats, etc. Most that post here report that it's very empowering and calming.
A good family law attorney, preferably one who specializes in paternal custody and "men's rights" issues, can help you better understand the legal landscape in your jurisdiction, and caution you about things to stay away from.
If you go this route, do NOT tell your wife (but if she asks, don't lie to her -- "Yes, I thought it was wise, considering you had openly threatened divorce multiple times and I wanted to better understand my rights and responsibilities.")
Thanks for the advice. How do I get a referral without telling people that my wife wants a divorce? Especially since your advocate for getting someone who specializes in paternal custody/men's rights? Is there a good website? Looking on google now...
Me: 40, W: 40 M: 15, T: 18 D - 10, S - 7 D announcement 6/7/2014 A discovered 7/20/2014 (but denied by W) Still living together and sharing same bed
Thanks for everything Starsky. The kids do know about the plan. It was just going out to dinner. I just struggle with that piece. How do be nice in front of her but not send the wrong message to her or the kids.
I hope your W is ok (you mentioned pre-op tests).
Missed the 2nd part of this, Sho -- thanks for asking. She has to have sinus surgery next week, so these were just standard pre-op things since she is over 50. All went well.
Wanted to circle back on the family plans. What time do your kids go to bed? I think it would send a strong statement if you kept to your family plans, but after your oldest was down for the night telling your wife "I'm going to go out for about an hour; I won't be late." And being home at a good respectable hour (11-11:30). Go meet a buddy for a beer, or shoot a game of pool by yourself or go to a book store or hit a bucket of balls at a late-night driving range or something.
There is something strong about doing the responsible family thing, but then going out and doing the mysterious manly thing for an hour or two. And prepare for her to blow up your phone with texts while you're out, LOL!!!
Thanks for the advice. How do I get a referral without telling people that my wife wants a divorce? Especially since your advocate for getting someone who specializes in paternal custody/men's rights? Is there a good website? Looking on google now...
You have to do your own research, or ask a trusted co-worker or someone who can keep your confidentiality. You may have to meet with two or three before you find a good one.
What city/state are you in, if you don't mind me asking? I can ask my atty if he can refer me to someone there if you want. Is yours a "fault" or a "no-fault" state?
Again, this is NOT to actually DO anything legally right now -- I would strongly advise you that you do NOT. You're just trying to get information, especially as it relates to any important "do's" or "don't's" right now.
I think it's a "my mind may be reeling right now, but I still don't give a flip what you think about me heading out for an hour" thing.
As long as a man has the marriage's (and his wife's) long-term interests always at heart, a woman will not only forgive a short-term "guys only" time thing, but she will probably find it ATTRACTIVE.
